Why do (some) elderly complain so much?

[aneveningatthecricket]

I work with elderly wealthy people. It’s very often that I sit with them and they will moan about anything and everything, the fact the pavement is not swept, their favourite coffee is no longer stocked, the wording in a letter, a phone number doesn’t get picked up quickly enough or the call can is overseas, the cleaner missed a bit of hoovering etc I could list a thousand examples.

What is it about their experiences that are SO bad. We all know they probably had the best of life compared to us younger folk, many of the women never worked or had to struggle.

I just wondered why it could be. Im always sympathetic and understanding but I really think they are so far removed from life today that they really have nothing to complain about. They could all pay for anything they ever needed.

What utter rubbish…

saraclara ... you are right.
Losing one's OH, watching friends die, dealing with health burdens and constant pain, battling to hang on to as much normality as possible, pretending to family so they are not burdened with the full extent of the misery, setting affairs in order to ease things for family when you reach the point of needing care or die, losing the ability to make a useful contribution to community as before ..... it is all shit.
Don't expect any old person to remain a picture of jollity in the face of all this! No-one, whatever their age, would be able to do this.

This was yet another suspect goady thread where the OP states controversial opinion then doesn't return to join the conversation.

Old age can indeed be wretched for all the reasons cited above.
Can people not be more understanding?
This is the fate of most people ... of everyone in the developed world.

It is the luck of the draw. There are a few David Attenboroughs bouncing around but most people have a painful decline ahead of them.

I have been hit relatively young by unexpected serious heart problems, painful spinal surgery, loss of leg sensation plus gastrointestinal crap from old cholecystectomy. It takes grit to carry on after nursing a sick late OH and watching him die. I do carry on ... in fact I run a choir and an arts festival, organise concert trips, do the bookings for village hall and design local publicity ... but no-one, not even my dearly loved DDs have the remotest concept of the effort that this all takes. I am not well enough to have a holiday or even sometimes a day out. I battle my way through every day through gritted teeth and with the prime aim of not burdening my family ... hark at me moaning away!

Come on everyone ... muster a bit of empathy!

They may have not needed to work or had to struggle, but elderly women didn't have the freedom younger women have today. They likely got married and had children young, most never went to university or travelled the world or built a career like women do today. Maybe they feel frustrated because of that! They may have been reliant on a husband who wasn't very nice. Their lives weren't necessarily better than yours

The thing is you cant pay for everything you ever needed. If what you need is pain free limbs or no fatigue. Paying for things like cleaners feels great on one hand but it is also a reminder of what you cant do and its not done the way you like.

I also take issue with the idea that just because they never worked they never struggled. Theres a whole heap of struggles beyond work.

We 'all know' some of these wealthy older people are only wealthy due to changes in house prices and final salary pensions, which doesnt mean they were all living a life of luxury aged 29.

Oh dear. You need a good dose of empathy and/or a career change.
When you are elderly you might be able to answer your own question very well.

Things weren't easier for them. The reason so many were sahm is because they had no choice I remember my Mum going to uni in the 70s, my dad hated it and made her life very difficult. Plus once you were married, you had made your bed, so lie in it! No control of finances either.
I think some elderly people are tired, frightened and lonely for lost friends and families. I know many who are not like that at all.

Pain, frailty, bereavement, loneliness, acute awareness and dread of their own mortality, seeing what's happening to their friends their age, regrets, missed opportunity too late now ...

What makes you think they didnt have to struggle? Not all husbands of stay at home mums had glittering 9 to 5 careers bringing home big salaries.
My parents scrimped and saved to buy a hiuse in the late 1950s, on one wage. My dad was a manual worker and had 2 jobs. My mum did cleaning jobs in the evenings. Child benefit not paid for the first child. No UC top ups for low earners. We didnt have a TV until I was 5. Didn't have a car. Ice on the inside of the windows. We didnt even have central heating until my brother and I were working.

Women had to resign from jobs on becoming pregnant. No such thing as maternity leave. Marital r*pe wasnt deemed a crime.
So if anyone thinks people had it so great back then, give your heads a wobble

I can imagine that being very, very annoying.

You need a new job. I hope by you get the luxury of becoming old, not everyone does.

You don't sound suited for your job at all. That is a pretty shocking thing to have done.

And yet many do.

My mum is in her 80s, quite frail and immobile, can't see or hear very well. Her world has shrunk considerably. She was always very sociable and active. Now she can't drive or even look after herself without help. All of her siblings are dead. Most of her friends have died or have dementia and living in care homes. Yes, she moans about her ailments and the state of the world and lots of other things. But I sit and listen and try and change the subject to more cheerful things (only successful some of the time!) I do it because I feel for her - getting old and having to be dependent on others is shite 😩

"What is it about their experiences that are SO bad. We all know they probably had the best of life compared to us younger folk, many of the women never worked or had to struggle"

What a bloody idiotic statement

I make a point of chatting to elderly people I see in cafes or at bus stops because I know from my FILs comments one of the biggies for most is the invisibility or the feeling that you matter or anyone is interested in you apart from close family and the doctor! - it’s a tough pill to swallow - I think a lot of this is because many younger people are having a tough time getting well paid work, homes, even having a family and perception is a lot of elderly people had it a lot easier and hence have amassed assets and cash - this is a very mixed picture there are still plenty of elderly folk who have little and many who still rent too and don’t have nice plentiful private pensions but if you looked on social media then all you would see is wall to wall ‘epic retirements’, cruises, second house buying in France etc because those who struggle aren’t busy posting that -

I have said it many times on here but indulge me to say it again.
I have no idea where the rhetoric has taken root that the young families of today are uniquely burdoned and their struggles are worse than any generation that has come before them.
EVERY generation deals with the issues that they face at the time. The current problem is housing costs. My generation's struggle was negative equity and much higher interest rates (although this is usually shouted down as no generation has it as bad as today)
The years of raising your children are, were and always will be the most expensive of your life. Again, there is nothing new about young families being short of cash.
What is new is the utter contempt shown towards older people who are seen to have more than they have and the feeling that this is unfair in some way.
To be clear. I would strongly support ending the triple lock and balancing help across the generations.
But pensioners did not ask to be born when they did and to despise them for this is just awful

The housing issue is very very region specific though and sadly at a peak where there are more better paid jobs and nicer places to live - my son lives in my home town, just bought a very nice 3 bed semi in a good area ( well as good as it gets in that area) for £210k - totally done up, huge lovely garden - would I want to live there, no , as I hate the area but I can’t say housing issue an issue to him or his partner.

Honestly, I can’t get my head around some of the replies on here. I hoped for insight and a fair and interesting discussion about the way different generations view life, different challenges and some different perspectives. Thank you to those that opened up the discussion with reasoned arguments, explanations and insights.
To those who said I need a career change, was mean, idiotic etc oh dear. In my original post I said I always listen (I spend hours upon end listening! Often when they have absolutely no one else to sit with them! I said I’m always sympathetic and supportive.)

I was hoping to improve my understanding of their challenges, isn’t that a good thing?

Classic Mumsnet race to the bottom with insults. It’s so depressing!

Being in constant pain makes you grumpy. Not having the energy or strength to do what you want any longer shrinks your world. Lots of these things you mention have the same subtext: I am no longer in control - of the unhoovered carpet, the coffee I drink etc.

I'm only 62 and pretty fit. But recently a debilitating injury in my left wrist has really limited me. I can't put any weight on it, so can't do much of my favourite exercise, yoga, bodyweight and bootcamps. I'm reminded of it all day long - you don't realise how often your non-dominant hand bears weight until ordinary jobs are excruciating. It's tiring too. And if pain keeps you awake most nights, sleep deprivation can make people very tetchy. I feel so much grumpier and lower energy right now, and it does put you in a childish 'not fair', nitpicky mood.

I hope you will manage this ....

And they did not ask for the triple lock.

Successive governments are too timid to change this as pensioners are such a big group and consistently turn out on polling day.

I am now getting my pension and would bite the bullet if changes were needed. I am not rich but appreciate that as the number of pensioners grows the balance of those paying in and those receiving could become a problem.

Honestly I think a lot of people (not just pensioners, all ages) don’t understand what the triple lock actually is or how it works. Reading some comments online, some people think ‘removing the triple lock’ means removing the state pension, or taking away a big chunk of it.

Which of course it wouldn’t mean that. But keeping it for much longer could spell disaster if we are in deflation and earnings don’t increase (or Infact decrease). Somehow, 2.5% would still need to be found to increase the state pension. Or if average earnings don’t increase but we have massive inflation, state pension would go up according to inflation despite less money in the kitty.

Triple lock is not sustainable and the pensioners of tomorrow will be paying for it (as they’ll be waiting even longer to get theirs, if they ever do).

Absolutely this. My mother went back to work when her youngest was 12. She was bored stiff at home but couldn’t go back to work earlier. She didn’t have a washing machine or central heating until the seventies . Never had any money for herself, new clothes, trips or lunches out. They didn’t have a holiday until she was left some money by a relative. She’s now very elderly and well off, but she had years and years of struggle and hardship. I was brought up not to leave lights on, not to waste hot water, make do and mend .We didn’t have a TV until I was 12, and then it was rented as this was the norm. You have no idea what these elderly people’s lives were like. My parents worked very hard for what they had and did without a lot that young people these days think are necessity. If you met my mother now, you would think she’s a rich lazy woman who has had it easy. Not so at all.

It’s hard for older people as their sight and hearing deteriorate, so conversations are harder. Their balance isn’t as good, they are often managing multiple health conditions which restrict their lives in many ways and cause worry. The world has changed so massively that they find it hard to relate to others or what they see around them. The cultural mindset of this country has altered very dramatically just in the last decade. They feel redundant, overlooked and useless. No one is interested in them. They may be dealing with bereavement or mobility issues which mean they can’t go out as easily, particularly if they no longer drive.

It’s hard dealing with call centres and the internet. My mother has never learned to use a computer and can’t do anything online. She finds pressing endless options on the phone stressful and struggles to understand what is being said to her. Her bank doesn’t have a branch anymore so she can’t speak to anyone about banking face to face. She can’t work things , can’t lift things easily anymore. Many of her friends have died and her siblings are also elderly and ill. The life she knew has disappeared and she struggles to cope with the way the world is now.

OP you shouldn’t be able working with the elderly. You sound totally lacking in empathy.