Why do (some) elderly complain so much?

[aneveningatthecricket]

I work with elderly wealthy people. It’s very often that I sit with them and they will moan about anything and everything, the fact the pavement is not swept, their favourite coffee is no longer stocked, the wording in a letter, a phone number doesn’t get picked up quickly enough or the call can is overseas, the cleaner missed a bit of hoovering etc I could list a thousand examples.

What is it about their experiences that are SO bad. We all know they probably had the best of life compared to us younger folk, many of the women never worked or had to struggle.

I just wondered why it could be. Im always sympathetic and understanding but I really think they are so far removed from life today that they really have nothing to complain about. They could all pay for anything they ever needed.

I used to do care work. Home care.
We mostly covered local authority clients, so working class, mostly women.
I found them to be mostly resilient, humorous and grateful (not that I needed gratitude; I just needed to know I'd done a good job!). They just shrugged and got on with it, as they'd done all their lives.
Private clients tended to expect more, and to complain more.
But the biggest difference was between men and women.
Some of my 'guys' were lovely, but the bulk of complaints was from men. They were more likely to talk down to me, to object to foreign colleagues, and expect me to do tasks over and above what I was there to do.

This.
when your life is quiet you hear the noise of minor things that you would never have time for if you are busy.

When out parents got to this stage, DSis encouraged me to listen out for what was being complained about. Anything making them unsafe, obviously pay attention otherwise let them get on with it.

There isn’t much left in their lives.

Or indeed their childhoods. Sharing beds with siblings, only an outside toilet, no central heating, corporal punishment in schools, rationing… Young people today wouldn’t last a day.

What a sad, ageist and bitter thread. What do those of you who judge think you’ll be like when you get older? Hopefully, you’ll have people to care for you and listen to you with kindness, respect and empathy. One thing that is certain is that getting older will happen to us all! And with it loss of energy, possibly mobility and problems with sight and hearing. It’s hard for elderly people living in an ablist and judgemental world.
Many of them do not have the funds to buy resources to make their lives more enjoyable or to improve their health and social wellbeing.

MN is full of people moaning about trivial shit. I don't think the majority on MN are 'elderly'

Goady, ageist thread.

Really they never worked and never struggled? I'm not sure who you are talking about, might be me, but I worked extremely hard and struggled a lot when young to get where I am now. Then as now some people are fine and many people are struggling. If they are paying for your lifestyle I would not be so disparaging.

David Bowie once said “Aging is an extraordinary process whereby you become the person you always should have been."

For good or ill, I think it often tends to amplify or people’s personality traits. Similar to “in vino veritas” ?

The OP may be more sensitive and empathetic than most, so is affected by being around negative or unpleasant people.

Mumsnet itself is a pretty negative place overall, what with the pile-ons and personal rudeness to OPs asking genuine questions. I prefer Reddit these days (depending on the forum of course, some more genuine and helpful than others).

In the face of rude, whiny, or selfish people the best thing to do IMO is to limit interactions as much as possible, or else adopt the “Let Them“ philosophy and try not to take it personally. Good luck OP.

I hope so too. I don't actually have any family, other than a handful of cousins who I am not close with, so I have no-one to lose there.

I was actually thinking of my parents who managed to keep fairly cheerful and accepting up until their deaths at 88 and 89. I understand why old people are often grumpy, and have already said so on this thread, but I objected to the idea that NO older person can maintain an air of jollity when many of them do.

@"Imake a point of chatting to elderly people I see in cafes or at bus stops because I know from my FILs comments one of the biggies for most is the invisibility or the feeling that you matter or anyone is interested in you apart from close family and the doctor! "

That's nice! You don't know, but it could have brightened up their day.
My mum is 96 and still gets the tube into central london ( while exasperating fellow passengers when she needs help carrying her walker up the stairs!) And walks a mile to her allotment and back so she can fill her freezer with her homegrown fruit and veg. But she will always mention a chat she had on the platform, or at the bus stop.
She's robust and engaged and optimistic but she recognises shes "invisable" and mourning her life which she knows is closing.
Every day, every interaction is a bonus.

Disingenuous tripe. You knew exactly what you were doing.

I spend hours upon end listening!

And judging them too eh? Revolting

Aw thank you !! Yep even at 64 I appreciate it when the students at the nearby Uni chat to me at bus stop , I do think it’s quite hard to get the invisibility aspect - till you start to experience it - your mum sounds a cracker, good for her .

Why cant people who work with people complain? Are they supposed to be selfless saints?

Its draining though when its constant moaning. I know with my own mam its too much time on her hands to be thinking..

Have no patience with this.
Ask my mother about her friend/neighbours etc and it’s all about the illnesses/operations etc.
There is a whole world out there that c we can now access from our own homes if housebound.

‘Even at 64’??
Am 65.
Just driving back now from the south of Italy
where I’ ve been paddleboarding for a few weeks. Chatted with lots of strangers in French and Italian and really enjoyed the trip. Going home to see my new boyfriend and meet up with friends for lots of activities.

Will not be wallowing in misery with them about ‘health issues’.

We all know they probably had the best of life compared to us younger folk

I don't know what's worse OP, your ageism or your ignorance.

My mother (late 70s) had a DVT and is now on life long warfarin. She still walks 4 miles a day with the dog, but considers herself 'disabled'.

Me and my DB both had DVTs in our 40s (shit genes), continue to work, i didn't take a day off sick, also my DB had it by far the worst with multiple PEs as well.

It's some weird kind of loss of perspective, my mother is widowed, so i imagine too much time alone and time on her hands too.

She's always been a difficult and strange woman, I'm estranged. I get the highlights from my Aunt, who is a couple of years older than her and equally baffled by the situation and self pity.

I have mixed views on this. DF can get stuck in a very negative mindset but he’s dealing with a debilitating condition which I would struggle to deal with so I’m not surprised that he wants to rant a fair bit.

And I agree with the pp who noted how difficult life is now in many respects compared to thirty years ago. When you can barely get a GP appointment, your bank has closed (Barclays has one actual bank in Liverpool now - one, and Natwest and HSBC don’t have many more), and every company you deal with complicates things, it is understandable how negative you can become. PIL are in their early 80s and IT literate but have struggled recently to deal with the repeated cancellation of medical appointments.

Ask my mother about her friend/neighbours etc and it’s all about the illnesses/operation

That's because you have asked and she has answered honestly because that is what is happening to her friends and neighbours because that is what life is like for many older people.
Don't ask if you can't face the truth.

And the mum who is walking 4 miles a day is doing so because she is lucky to be well enough, not because of some intrinsic worth that others should emulate .... many older people do not have that luxury They fight on and do their best in the face of the odds.

So she answers you but it’s not what you want to hear?

Sounds like you’re pretty healthy. Why would you be wallowing in your health issues if you’re energetic and paddle boarding?

It’s just something to talk about, worry about.

No time to think about these things when you’re working, raising kids, running a home.

Their finished with that, and have lots of time.

Theyre finished with that, and have lots of time. ...... and lots of pain ....

I agree because it seems that we’re all, whatever our ages, preoccupied with ourselves and our own difficulties. Probably correctly. In describing the faults of others, people compare their own lives and troubles, and are then doing exactly the same thing themselves that they complain of in others.

I also notice that there’s a lot of othering, that goes on. It’s never “some of us” when we’re younger, or “as we get older”.

In respect of older people complaining, I recall the observation of poor Boethus, that the greatest misfortune is to have known happiness.