Why do (some) elderly complain so much?

[aneveningatthecricket]

I work with elderly wealthy people. It’s very often that I sit with them and they will moan about anything and everything, the fact the pavement is not swept, their favourite coffee is no longer stocked, the wording in a letter, a phone number doesn’t get picked up quickly enough or the call can is overseas, the cleaner missed a bit of hoovering etc I could list a thousand examples.

What is it about their experiences that are SO bad. We all know they probably had the best of life compared to us younger folk, many of the women never worked or had to struggle.

I just wondered why it could be. Im always sympathetic and understanding but I really think they are so far removed from life today that they really have nothing to complain about. They could all pay for anything they ever needed.

How is it ageist to acknowledge age? I would class 60 as old, it’s not middle aged or young is it? Some people are way too hung up the word old.

It's because labelling anyone over 60 as old masks the huge difference between 60 and 85 and dismisses 60 as "past it" because of inbuilt ageism in society. I'm 61, working in a demanding job, getting down on the floor with my granddaughter, walking miles every day with a lively dog, etc - my body doesn't work quite as well as it did when I was 40, but my life now is more like it was 20 years ago than it is like my life will be when I am truly old, if I make it that far. Lumping everyone over 60 as old ignores that variation - there are still people alive who could be my grandparents biologically, so of course someone in their early sixties isn't impacted by age to the same extent as someone older. I think of myself as late middle age rather than old because that's how I function and what society expects of me, not because I'm pretending I'm younger than I am. Surely being old implies being entitled to a state pension, which I won't be for another six years?

Agre with PP, 60 is not old! I’m 60 and currently having to deal with in-laws who are 85 they are old, they can barely go out, one has heart failure the other Parkinson’s. Their lives are very very limited.

Im just retired after working bloody hard in my own business to save enough to retire 7 years early. I can do anything I could do in my 40s and am looking forward to filling my days with lots of exciting things! You cannot compare my life to an 85 years early old!

@BoldNavyCritic again you sound way to hung up the word old, why have you associated so many negative connotations to it? It’s not elderly which I would consider 80 plus but it is old.

Imo being old doesn’t mean you can’t work, walk etc that’s bizarre? I work with loads of 60 pluses. My 82 yr old father is still very active and sharp, my gran who died at 97 was the same.

Well state pension age was 60 so I’m not sure on your point there 😆

I just think its such an odd way of thinking.

You can’t compare the life of a 10 yr old to a 16 yr old or a 6 month old but that doesn’t mean they aren’t all still young.

Why is 60 the age you qualify for free prescriptions or a free bus pass in London or many senior discounts to attractions?

60 was state retirement age for women until 2010. It was 65 for men but presumably easier to start the discounts at 60.

The discounts now vary, it’s often 65 for attractions.

In our area you don’t get the free bus pass until state retirement age, which is now nearly 67.

This, absolutely this.

Since my diagnosis with several age related incurable things my world has become very small. I try to maintain some control over my life and, I suppose, it sounds like moaning.

Small things that never bothered me 20 years ago have become enormous.

Ok but I would class a 6month old as a baby, I would not class a 16 year old as a baby and actually I would not describe a 6month old as “young, it’s too broad a description.

Maybe we need more descriptive words to describe people over 60 to death! Because Old does not cover that time span and it’s silly to think the people in that age category have much in common.

maybe:
older 60+
old 75-80+
elderly 80-90+ at the point when they have medical / physical troubles

Prescriptions are 60 though aren’t they?

But they are all still young…which was my point.

Why does calling someone old mean a 60 year old has to be the same as an 80 year old?

Again this does not make sense when you look at life expectancy & the fact it isn’t 80 plus when everyone develops medical & physical troubles!

“Roughly 83% to 85% of people in this age group use a prescription drug within any given month, and data from the NHS Business Services Authority indicates that up to 95% of people aged 60 to 65 receive at least one prescription over the course of a year”

”British cohort studies show that around 23% of people take five or more medications by age 69, while broader figures from Age UK show that millions of older adults manage complex, multi-drug prescriptions weekly”

Any opportunity to shoehorn how vile and selfish and loaded we all are eh? It's getting boring now (and is a load of bollocks) maybe speak to those of us who don't fit the stereotype most of you have made up in your heads, and see how real life is also for a lot of us 'old people'

Yes, for some reason free prescriptions are still 60! Don’t really understand the logic behind that one when the person getting the prescription could still be working for another seven years.

It doesn’t make sense to call someone 60 “old” when they’re still working age.

Surely up to 68 = working age adult.
69+ - retired. Likely to still be active albeit with some health conditions more likely
80+ tends to be more frail elderly.

With some exceptions, the major decline I’ve noticed in relatives is between 75 and 85.

Well you should’ve phrased your op better then! Because that’s not the issue you presented.

Old people have always moaned. Since time began. They always will. For the reasons you have had explained to you. You will when you are old. No matter what your bank balance.

It's not me who's associating negative connotations to it, it's society. People get dismissed as incompetent and past it because they are "old". I'm an older adult, of course, but I'm not incapacitated by age yet, which is what a lot of people mean and expect when they say someone is old. People quite often talk about their parents on here as "old" and then it turns out they aren't in their 80s but their early 60s - at that stage, age is not a reason for being incapable, although obviously illness can be, but some people genuinely seem to think early 60s means unable to learn new things or cope with technology, which is prejudice that's very unhelpful to people that age who are perfectly capable.

You're right that my point about the pension age was illogical, though, that was an own goal by me!

Their world has got smaller and they feel irrelevant in today's world. The elderly don't seem to be valued for their knowledge and experience any more.

You are in the wrong job, OP, as you don't seem to have any empathy. You have no idea of struggles they may have had.

Why don’t you Google “what age is Old in Uk” it’s very interesting. Most organisations do not class 60 as old nowadays because of later retirement age plus longer life expectancy.

You are in the minority if you class someone of 60 as “old”.

I think this is partly to do with the ageing brain, which can become less flexible. When you're young, it's much easier to see variety and change as positive or neutral- your brain has the plasticity to adapt. For older people, that's not always the case- physical changes in the brain make it harder to adapt, hence the phenomenon of becoming set in your ways. From that pov, change and variety are negatives- your thinking becomes more black and white, meaning that there is one "right" way for things to be, and everything else is "wrong".

Add to that the feeling of vulnerability that can come with age and physical decline, and I think it's easy to see why older people might complain about what appear to be minor issues.

The key is to to try to keep your own brain as young as you can- try new things, challenge your own ways of thinking, maintain social connections, keep as healthy as you can physically.

I like grumbly old folk. They’re often very funny. Like Harry Enfield’s Old Gits.

After my mother died I started visiting her elderly friend on a Sunday. She could grumble and moan for England. Mostly about what and who was on the telly. But she was very acerbic and funny in her own way. Great with a pithy insult. And I knew she was always pleased to see me.

Anyway, I think young adults are the biggest complainers of all. Always have been, always will be. But there’s no humour or insight in their whining, just ‘me, me, me’.

The same reason any of us complain. Life is annoying and uncomfortable and complaining when something changes and upsets you is cathartic. Also when you’re sick or frail your life shrinks very small so little concerns are blown up larger.

DH is only 30 but is seriously unwell due to a neurological condition. His world is so small - just pain and fear and stress and more pain and 5 rooms and the radio. So sometimes he complains all day. It’s draining but what else can he talk about? He hasn’t been anywhere or seen anyone or had a conversation or looked at a field. So he complains about the weather and the pain and his chair arms getting worn. Because that’s his life right now.

I agree OP. My parents are in their 80s with some health issues but are really happy and positive and grateful. My MIL is a moaner and it's so depressing!

Of course 60 is old.

The problem with mumsnetters is that they think being old is a negative thing.