Why do (some) elderly complain so much?

[aneveningatthecricket]

I work with elderly wealthy people. It’s very often that I sit with them and they will moan about anything and everything, the fact the pavement is not swept, their favourite coffee is no longer stocked, the wording in a letter, a phone number doesn’t get picked up quickly enough or the call can is overseas, the cleaner missed a bit of hoovering etc I could list a thousand examples.

What is it about their experiences that are SO bad. We all know they probably had the best of life compared to us younger folk, many of the women never worked or had to struggle.

I just wondered why it could be. Im always sympathetic and understanding but I really think they are so far removed from life today that they really have nothing to complain about. They could all pay for anything they ever needed.

@Katyppthat was my first response too! ‘Best of life compared to us younger folk’?!? Are you for real? Sure not having central heating, not being able to get a bank account or credit as a woman (I had to be ‘introduced’ to my bank by my father! I was 24 and had a job - this was the 1980s)! Energy crisis in the 70s, three day week, 24% inflation, mortgage rates of 17%, discrimination, real fear of nuclear war (I remember the drills) not having many vaccines (I know several people who had polio, for example), mass unemployment (minors strikes etc), the IRA bombings, civil unrest (poll tax riots for example), AIDS, and even disposable nappies weren’t the norm til mid to late 70s - yep they had an easy life for sure! Christ you don’t know how easy you have it now with online deliveries, internet banking and emails, streaming, most houses have washing machines and central heating. What hardships do you have now they didn’t have plus loads of other things on top? They had to care for children and elderly parents at the same too. If the wives didn’t work (plenty did - my mother who’d be over 100 now worked as did all her sisters, in jobs such as lawyer, doctor, dentist etc) they had to deal with getting the kids to school and the shopping in without necessarily having a car. Washing machines only passed the 60% mark in the late 60s. And god forbid you became pregnant out of wedlock! And if you were a minority? Discrimination still exists but god it was awful back then - there was no such thing as marital rape. Domestic abuse was considered a ‘domestic matter’. And if you were gay? It was entirely legal to fire someone if their sexuality was discovered.
I’m not saying people have it easy today. But people also had in my experience, higher standards way back when. Front door steps were washed regularly. Streets were swept. Service was more personal and polite. Things I let slide my mother wouldn’t dream of. She was a bit crotchety too in her old age. She managed to hate loud noises yet be deaf at the same time - that sort of thing. But she had a life infinitely harder than mine, and we should all be grateful for how they managed, not resentful of their current pettiness. It is wearing though, but so few will listen to them now that maybe it’s all they feel able to say. And living with chronic pain or a body that won’t behave would make anyone miserable.

whilst we're making sustainable green choices to try and stop climate change irradiating the planet we live on they stubbornly refuse to do anything because it's inconvenient to them.

My dad spent 35 years working on pollution reduction and recycling. If you have a catalytic convertor in your car, that was his work. As is the fact all the plastics in your car can be recycled. He did decades of research that was used to develop the Clean Air Act. And designed a lot of the machines that allow domestic waste to be recycled. My mum walks rather than drives whenever possible, hasn't been on a plane since 2019, does a weekly half-day litter pick in her local park, is on the area rewilding committee that's creating natural flood management zones, and has planted over 1000 trees this year. But sure, they're the ones destroying the planet. Not the people with wardrobes full of Primark and Shein tat that's worn twice for Instagram then discarded.

No matter how much money you have or how good comparatively your health is getting old can be a bit shit.

Whilst I agree in many aspects and I’m 64 ( I was back to work at 13 weeks with a new born and a nanny share I couldn’t really afford - effectively was paying 70% of my income out but wanted to stay in a job - and there was none of this 9 months maternity leave stuff) I think if it comes down to hard cold cash - it’s harder for young people and young families to actually get into these positions of a home, a family etc especially in certain parts of the country - the areas often where there are more jobs and are more pleasant places to bring up kids. I think Theresa lot of very irresponsible younger men around too who remain this way till a fair bit older - I don’t think either were easier, just different, but if it comes down to hard cold cash then I do think it was somewhat less challenging going back 30 years or more especially if you lived in a cheap area- I think expectations were less too - and we are all influenced of course by what our cohorts are doing

As you age and become less mobile, your topics of conversation tend to revolve around the things you can immediately see/hear/feel. So there are lots of complaints about close environment (litter, the food, heat/cold etc), things being too noisy/TV too quiet and aches and pains. You seem to lose the ability to project further beyond yourself than the box you exist in. Even people who've previously been able to empathise with others or to talk about situations far removed from their own seem to lose this ability and close in upon themselves.

Wealth or otherwise has nothing to do with it.

This.

Also - I really think they are so far removed from life today that they really have nothing to complain about.

They are not 'removed from life today' - this is their life today and they are still living it, with all the frustrations, fears and discomforts that come from a shrinking world and a failing body, for which wealth cannot compensate.

I think this is somewhat true though in all cases where your world gets very small - I realised on maternity leave one day when I announced I had soaked the dishcloth it was time to get back to work

Well said!

This is true of all age groups though eg parents of young children. All that some of them talk about is the hassle of their day care, how tired they are etc as if none of us have ever been through that. It's only natural that the major things in the stage of our life is topical.

if you can’t work that out for yourself, then maybe you don’t understand old age well enough to be doing that job. Either change jobs or spend some time educating yourself on why that might be. Although if you are spending a lot of time witb them and are truly listening to them then you should be able to work it out for yourself

DMum coped quite cheerfully with reduced mobility and increasing health issues. It was when her eyesight and hearing started failing that she became really frustrated. She had accepted her world was smaller and took pleasure in smaller things but so many of them were also now out of reach - watching TV, listening to music, reading a book, following a conversation, looking through family photos, sewing ... I didn't blame her one bit for having a bloody good moan.

There is plenty of moaning on MN from people who are not old and do not have the excuse that their lives are limited by pain and immobility and other buggerations brought on by the passing years!