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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Help me leave my abusive husband

543 replies

sad9999 · 27/05/2018 17:38

Fed up if being called a fat cow fed up him controlling the money and fed up of his refusals to help and up of him encouraging the kids to swear at me and call me a fucking ciunt. He undermines me constantly the kids side they won't leave withme. How can I leave them.

OP posts:
Original poster
sad9999 · 27/05/2018 17:39

Yes I have posted before yes I should have left years ago but I didn't.

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Original poster
sad9999 · 27/05/2018 17:40

Apparently i who leave my keys and go he won't have any trouble finding somebody bettee

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CosmicCanary · 27/05/2018 17:45

Start your planning now.
Register with the council be honest about your position.
Start saving as much as you can so that you can find a new home.
If he wont leave do not sit around waiting for him to change his mind.
Contact womans aid for advice and shelter.

If you really do want to leave OP you need to put those wheels in motion.

Original poster
sad9999 · 27/05/2018 17:50

The only thing I care about is the kids coming with me. I would be out the door in a second if they would come to a rented house with me but the years of pit dowwns have left their mark. In their eyes I am stupid and lazy

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CosmicCanary · 27/05/2018 17:52

How old are they?

Original poster
sad9999 · 27/05/2018 17:53

Teenagers

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CosmicCanary · 27/05/2018 17:59

Are you sure they feel like that about you or could it be agreeing with dad out of fear?

Are they boys? Girls? Ages if you feel comfortable saying.

Original poster
sad9999 · 27/05/2018 18:02

1 of each they like him because he tells them to ignore me when I ask them to tidy there rooms or go to bed. He does nothing with them no school runs no sporting activities. To summarise we both work the same distant from home. He did 10 000 miles in 8 years i did 80 000 with all their activities. They treat me like dirt. I am a slave to them all I cook I clean I wash he does nothing but moan and moan and moan

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Original poster
sad9999 · 27/05/2018 18:04

I have refused to cook tea so he is buying a takeaway out of my money for nextnextonth. I have to pay my wages into an account he controls

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Original poster
sad9999 · 27/05/2018 18:05

I wish he would die

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IlikemyTeahot · 27/05/2018 18:06

If they think he's so great leave them there (they'll soon come runnkng) give them basic contact details (I wouldn't give addresses yet in case they pass it to their father) Arrange a regular meeting place

Original poster
sad9999 · 27/05/2018 18:07

He will get hisbloody fily to do itforhim

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Original poster
sad9999 · 27/05/2018 18:07

Family

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IlikemyTeahot · 27/05/2018 18:09

posted to soon. Arrange somewhere (public, again because of their dad) to have regular contact if they want to and remind them they are welcome to join you if they wish. Get yourself a one bed if it's easier and invest in a sofa bed, if they decide to stay with you long term, move again.
Just don't stay where you are and put up with that crap anymore

veggifriedbreakfast · 27/05/2018 18:10

As hard as it is, if they're teenagers, you should leave and when they realise all about what he is, then they'll come running

CosmicCanary · 27/05/2018 18:10

Sometimes in life you need to make decisions that are for your benefit only.

Give them the choice. Explain why you are are leaving and ask them to come with you.

Even though they are your children you do not have to put up with that kind of abuse.
They are teenagers. Right from wrong is not unknown to them.

Original poster
sad9999 · 27/05/2018 18:11

What if tbey don't come

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smartiecake · 27/05/2018 18:13

Have you called womens aid? For next month get your wages paid into a different account. Inform HR and get it changed over and then that is the day you leave. Can you stay with any family while you get yourself sorted?
Open a new bank account. Completely seperate. Different bank. Give a different address - family?
I am sure the kids will come but for now just get yourself out. Your kids must love you and must be unhappy with the situation. Just get yourself out and then tell them and see if they will go with you.
Can you sort bank account this week? Start to sort paperwork, passport etc.
You can do this. It sounds the most horrendous situation. Please leave the scumbag.

smartiecake · 27/05/2018 18:14

They will come

RandomMess · 27/05/2018 18:15

They may not come straight away but they will Flowers

CosmicCanary · 27/05/2018 18:15

Then that is their choice.
Leave the door open for them but do not stay where you are abused.

I stopped seeing my 15 son for 8 months because of his abusive behaviour.
It was so hard and hurt me everyday but just because he is my son was no reason to put up with it.
We have been back in contact 6 months now and our relationship is so much better.
I am so much better.

I matter too OP and so do you.

Original poster
sad9999 · 27/05/2018 18:15

My family live a long way away so would have to rent locally. He does loose his temper and lash out sometimes. i could call the police nect time he does

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Original poster
sad9999 · 27/05/2018 18:16

Cosmic ao glad ypu are back in contact

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smartiecake · 27/05/2018 18:18

Do you have a joint mortgage or joint finances?

smartiecake · 27/05/2018 18:19

Do you have money for a deposit