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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Help me leave my abusive husband

543 replies

sad9999 · 27/05/2018 17:38

Fed up if being called a fat cow fed up him controlling the money and fed up of his refusals to help and up of him encouraging the kids to swear at me and call me a fucking ciunt. He undermines me constantly the kids side they won't leave withme. How can I leave them.

OP posts:
IlikemyTeahot · 27/05/2018 18:19

sad9999 As hard as its going to be, you've acknowledged that you need to get the hell out of there. You will be in a better position to negotiate with the kids once you get yourself sorted first. As long as hes not causing them any harm they will be fine and I'm fairly sure they will soon realise just what a lazy arse he is. Another poster mentioned they may just agree with him out of fear...that does worry me but again as long as you know he will not cause them harm you need to crack on and change your situation anyway. Not trying to be horrible but if you keep waiting for them to agree with you you'll be waiting a lot longer. Stop delaying, get some help from a supporting agency explain to them about the kids and they could possibly help get you 2 bed. Even if you only had a small place tell the kids theres a place for them there when they're ready.

CosmicCanary · 27/05/2018 18:20

Cosmic ao glad ypu are back in contact

Me too.
It was hard. I wont lie.
I had pressure from the police at one point when he was too abusive for his dad to handle. They wanted me to take him and I refused. I pointed out to them that he will be abusive towards me and if he was my bf they wouldnt expect me to take him in so why should I because he is my son?

You have to do whats safe and right for you.
Please do not stay and suffer this abuse any longer.

Original poster
sad9999 · 27/05/2018 18:20

He puts money in acoount in my name which I have no access to to avoid paying the highest rate of tax. No mortgage we own the house. He controls all the money

OP posts:
HonkyWonkWoman · 27/05/2018 18:21

Please leave sad9999, no-one should be treated this badly.
You have a right to be treated with respect.
Stand up for yourself and leave.

CosmicCanary · 27/05/2018 18:22

He puts money in acoount in my name which I have no access to to avoid paying the highest rate of tax. No mortgage we own the house. He controls all the money

Visit the bank.
Explain the situation and see how they can help. If the acvount is in your name you should have access.
Do you work OP?
Have any income you control?

smartiecake · 27/05/2018 18:22

You could go into the police station and report your situation. The emotional abuse and financial control need to be logged along with any physical abuse. Then you have that as well should you call them.
Please call women's aid and please get out asap. Can you pack stuff and keep it somewhere?

smartiecake · 27/05/2018 18:24

If the account is in your name then you should be able to go into the bank and see about getting it transferred to a secret account. On the day you leave of course

Original poster
sad9999 · 27/05/2018 18:26

He will go mad if I touch the money

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MrsHappyAndMrCool · 27/05/2018 18:27

I really don’t know what to say, but hopefully you will find the strength to leave him, you deserve so much better.

CosmicCanary · 27/05/2018 18:30

He will go mad if I touch the money

You dont have to tough it yet just see what your options are with the bank.

Do you have any income of your own?

Original poster
sad9999 · 27/05/2018 18:33

I will open my owna ccount and get next month's wages paid in to it. He is currently threatening me with no money next month. He is a bully at work as well. He thinks he is entitled to everything because he earns more.

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Original poster
sad9999 · 27/05/2018 18:33

Apparently I am abusive

OP posts:
smartiecake · 27/05/2018 18:34

But you said he controls your wages.
Its in your name - you can have it. Also get copies of paperwork. You will need a solicitor appt and money for setting up again. Take the money

smartiecake · 27/05/2018 18:34

Do you work with him.OP?

CosmicCanary · 27/05/2018 18:35

Apparently I am abusive

This is a recognised tactic of the abuser. If you were that abusive he would have left ir be making plans to just like you.

You know your own life OP we dont. Do you think your behaviour is like is?
Do you act in away that strangers could say you are abusive?

Original poster
sad9999 · 27/05/2018 18:37

No I get cross when I am sworn at I get frustated I don't abuse them I do a lot for a quiet life. I don't invite my family to stay because he becomes more difficult when they are arpund5

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Original poster
sad9999 · 27/05/2018 18:39

My plan was to stay till they were both 18 but I can't live like this for another 4 years

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CosmicCanary · 27/05/2018 18:43

Then dont.
Make your plans OP.
It will be hard. You will at times think its easier to stay. You may even feel staying is the right thing.
It is not.
It never will be.

Call womens aid get some support.

Original poster
sad9999 · 27/05/2018 18:59

Thank you. He is currently borrowing money from dd to order pizza. He has thousands in his safe. He is a total idiot and nasty

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Original poster
sad9999 · 27/05/2018 19:11

Thank you for listening. My sister suspects what is going on I think. She keeps telling me there is always a bad at her house of I need a break

OP posts:
CosmicCanary · 27/05/2018 19:16

Then take her up on the offer.
Give yourself some space so you can think clearly.

Original poster
sad9999 · 27/05/2018 19:22

How can I leave them with a man who laughs when ds calls me a fucking ciunt and hits me

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CosmicCanary · 27/05/2018 19:28

Because you are giving them a choice and at 14 if they do not go with you then you cannot stay.
If you stay your abuse will continue. Unless he is abusing them too then I am sorry but you have to let them make the decision.

smartiecake · 27/05/2018 20:37

Is your sister local? Please confide in her. If she offers you a bed even if only for a couple of weeks take her up on the offer.

Original poster
sad9999 · 27/05/2018 20:37

Dd won't come no point askin ds.

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