Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 21 22

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Divorce/separation

Help me leave my abusive husband

543 replies

sad9999 · 27/05/2018 17:38

Fed up if being called a fat cow fed up him controlling the money and fed up of his refusals to help and up of him encouraging the kids to swear at me and call me a fucking ciunt. He undermines me constantly the kids side they won't leave withme. How can I leave them.

OP posts:

Report

notanurse2017 · 27/05/2018 20:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sad9999 · 27/05/2018 21:31

He has just offered my half a million to go !!!

OP posts:

sad9999 · 27/05/2018 21:33

I could start a new life. My own flat my own space.

OP posts:

smartiecake · 27/05/2018 22:00

Do you think he would seriously give you any money OP?

sad9999 · 27/05/2018 22:12

If I write aletter saying the money is all I will get and I don't have any good over his pension etc

OP posts:

smartiecake · 27/05/2018 22:16

Get legal advice first. You can get the first 30 mins free. I dont know if a letter like that would have any legal weight.
Still make plans to leave OP

sad9999 · 27/05/2018 22:17

I suspect I could get a lot more but it would be very messy. He would play games and it would take a lot I time and energy

OP posts:

sad9999 · 27/05/2018 23:51

Head throbbing stomach hurting how did my life and up like this

OP posts:

sad9999 · 28/05/2018 03:48

Still wide awake

OP posts:

MrsHappyAndMrCool · 28/05/2018 05:00

This is just so sad 😔 I think you should just leave without the children.

PlumsGalore · 28/05/2018 05:07

You are ganging around when you have at least half a million share of your assets? Seriously contact your sister and ask for help.

Make a full list of everything he does, encourages the children to do and say and seek legal help.

Even a long drawn out messy separation is better than this. I would screw every last hapenny out of him.

You don't deserve this.

sad9999 · 28/05/2018 07:34

I think his game is I leave with half a million he then sends dc to live with me and i pay for everything from that half a million therefore saving him paying maintenance plus a lump sum to buy another house.

OP posts:

smartiecake · 28/05/2018 09:20

Can you make a solicitors appointment for this week? And contact your sister and make plans to get the hell out.
Just take the money and get out asap. For your own safety and sanity get out and you can sort the kids when you have some headspace and can think straight

sad9999 · 28/05/2018 10:24

Will try and make a solicitor appointment

OP posts:

HonkyWonkWoman · 28/05/2018 11:02

If you have access to any financial documents: bank statements, business and personal if you can. Pension payment paperwork, End of year Business Accounts etc.
photocopy it all.....
I would not be leaving with "just" half a million! If he can throw that amount at you, there's lots, lots more.
Make an appointment with a solicitor. Not your little high street type.
Find a big, posh one! Get the best!
Get your free half hour, or even pay for it if you have to and tell them you want to " take him to the cleaners, take any paperwork with you or give them an idea of what he's worth. It will cost quite a bit but they will probably take it out of the money they get for you.
Go and stay with your Sister and get a job there until you get the money, or unemployment money, at first.
If your children see you behaving in a strong, decisive way, it will make them more likely to come to you eventually.
While it's all going on, you can travel back to see them occasionally and speak by FaceTime.
As it is now, it sounds as though they are clinging to the one with all the money and security.
Who can blame them in a way!
They are just trying to survive!
When you are strong, with your own place and the money that you are entitled to. They will see you as a strong, secure option.
Please, dig deep, find the old confident you, with the World at their feet and Go For it!!!! 💪🏻💪🏻

notapizzaeater · 28/05/2018 11:05

You need to get out, have you access to his paperwork ?

sad9999 · 28/05/2018 11:19

No acceess he locks the safe keys in a personal safe he has

OP posts:

HonkyWonkWoman · 28/05/2018 14:30

Where is the personal safe?
If it's just a lock up box type thing, On the day you move out, break into it, open the safe and copy everything at a Library if you have to.
Is that possible?
He'll be angry but so what, balls to him.
I wish I lived near you, I'd help you!

sad9999 · 28/05/2018 15:17

It is a coded box could probably break it. He locks his wallet away everynight so I don't steal his money !!! He is paranoid.apparently I fill his Evian bottles with tap water. M

OP posts:

HonkyWonkWoman · 28/05/2018 17:55

The day you are leaving. Smash the key box open and open the safe and get everything photo copied, while he's at work.
Half of everything belongs to you any way.
Then get to a good solicitor and nail the bastard.

poddige · 28/05/2018 19:05

OP.

If this man is really offering you £500k to leave then why the hell are you still there?

He's abusive and vile. This is your ticket to walk away. Why won't you take it?

Deal with the teens once you are free of him and have more energy to fight. Your primary focus now should be getting out. Strike while the iron is hot.

CMS is a legality. That too can be dealt with as and when.

Get out now.

CopONNotLinkedIn · 28/05/2018 19:07

Get a place to live and they will follow.

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

redherring4 · 28/05/2018 19:11

How much is your current house worth and do you have any idea how much money he is controlling? Pension?

I would speak to a solicitor, you could possibly sign but then legitimately say it was under duress and get the full amount you are entitled to.

Sweetandkind · 28/05/2018 21:50

So sorry you are in this situation . We do our best or our DCs. It's so hard, but when we are with an abusive parter everything gets skewed...

MrsBertBibby · 29/05/2018 08:03

The day you are leaving. Smash the key box open and open the safe and get everything photo copied, while he's at work. Half of everything belongs to you any way. Then get to a good solicitor and nail the bastard.

Please don't do this. It's a criminal offence, you won't be allowed to retain or use documents obtained by such means, and you are likely to be severely penalised in costs.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 21 22

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.