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Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Divorce/separation

Help me leave my abusive husband

543 replies

sad9999 · 27/05/2018 17:38

Fed up if being called a fat cow fed up him controlling the money and fed up of his refusals to help and up of him encouraging the kids to swear at me and call me a fucking ciunt. He undermines me constantly the kids side they won't leave withme. How can I leave them.

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RandomMess · 02/08/2018 11:00

So basically he's buying time to hide the money etc!!!

I hope you have a SHL - if he won't sign a judge can on his behalf, that's what happened for SIL, another one having to divorce a controlling b*stard!

AcrossthePond55 · 02/08/2018 14:23

Apparently he will divorce me when he is ready

Phffttt!! That's what HE thinks! In a way, him having such a sense of entitlement and control may just work to your advantage. He expects that you, your solicitor, and the courts will 'bow to his timeline'. He may be caught off balance by the fact that the timeline is going to be set by the legal system. He may be able to stall, but he won't be able to stop it.

I would (if I were you) advise your solicitor of what he said AND that you have a real concern that he may be trying to hide assets.

sad9999 · 02/08/2018 14:41

I have. She has said we will deal with it. She is fab and seems to have quickly worked him out

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Powerless · 02/08/2018 17:26

@sad9999 Hi how are things? Did you go to the back and get your account sorted?

RB68 · 02/08/2018 18:03

you don't need to wait to phone police, I would highly recommend talking to refuge people.

He is emotionally and mentally abusing both you and the children, despite them being teenagers. It is a very unhealthy environment all round. He is financially controlling and you need to move the money in that account out (if you are able) and get the money for next wages paid elsewhere.

I think you need advise because he is using the children against you - you will need a non molestation order I think - but all these things come at a cost and you need help and advise to get these put in place

RB68 · 02/08/2018 18:09

so you know as well, if he deliberately causes hardship this goes very badly against him in court and the likelyhood of 50% changes to significantly more. Also if you have to get the court to delve into finances they will go back 12 months or more to trace what and where money is etc.

sad9999 · 06/08/2018 02:05

He continue to refuse to cooperate apparently he can do what he likes

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MarchingOrders · 06/08/2018 07:29

You've backed him into a corner, he thinks he can wriggle his way out. He can't.
Keep fighting.

sad9999 · 06/08/2018 07:41

He is wriggling

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eggncress · 06/08/2018 09:40

What goes around comes around.
He’s getting his come- uppance. Keep going !

sad9999 · 06/08/2018 09:57

It is so hard

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Sistersofmercy101 · 06/08/2018 11:30

He's itching for you to give up and let him win! - DON'T!
He CANNOT stop this process IF you keep going - the divorce court process has powers and CAN force him too - keep going!
You deserve to be secure, happy and the share of the marital income will be vital in this!

Littlechocola · 06/08/2018 11:48

Sad, you are amazing. Keep going.
I know you are worried about your babies and I know you have said that he’s brain washed them but they will see the truth.

sad9999 · 06/08/2018 12:09

Not feeling amazing feel rubbish !!!

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RightyHoChaps · 06/08/2018 14:44

You probably won't feel amazing yet. But in time you will. There will be a moment when you start to see this for what it is:

You regaining your freedom
Your children realising that their father is fucked up
Your children realising you are doing what is best for all three of you
Your children gaining their own freedom and life away from their father
You asserting control of your own life and finances
You showing that man that he no longer controls you
You showing that man that he had no right to treat you like a piece of shit
You showing that man that karma can be a fucking bitch

This is hard. It will be hard for a while longer. It won't happen all at once. This is a gradual process. But when you reach those moments, you will realise it has been worth the fight and you will feel empowered and amazing.

Keep sight of that light at the end of the tunnel!

sad9999 · 06/08/2018 17:00

I hope they will

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MarchingOrders · 06/08/2018 18:45

You may feel crappy now but honestly think I'm a year you'll be so happy to be rid of him and into your new life

AcrossthePond55 · 06/08/2018 22:33

He thinks he can do what he likes. But trust me, the court will have other ideas! He can try his huffing and puffing but he's the one going to be blown down! In the legal system, he's one of the three little pigs, he's not the big bad wolf. That'll be the judge.

I know it's hard for you to believe it. You've had decades of brainwashing and fear. You believe that what he says true because he's conditioned you to believe that. But time will prove that he is NOT the 'Great I Am'. He's nothing more, or less, than an extremely flawed human being. Well OK, he's a fucking ass. All you need to do is hang on and keep moving forwards. Remember "When you're going through hell, KEEP GOING"!

danejake · 06/08/2018 22:45

Bless you! I came out of a very abusive relationship a few years back..I'm now divorced, still single (trust issues). unfortunately social services got involved In my case, and put our baby on the a risk register, I thought i was an unfit mum, but actually looking back they did this to keep my husband away..he was in prison for a wee while as he had threatened to murder me, the police gave me a special box, and if he turned up at my door i just needed to press a button and they were there in seconds..We eventually got a discretionary move and he couldn't find our address..i know this seems extreme, but maybe give it a go..it worked for us. take care and good luck xx.

sad9999 · 07/08/2018 05:49

Complete horrible verbal abuse from my 14 year old. I would rather they were in care than with him. I hate him so much. How can he do this how can he be so so nasty

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Rememory · 07/08/2018 06:46

He will show his true colours to the DC. They'll need you. You've already taken many steps to help them by getting out, starting divorce proceedings and not being controlled by him. You are amazing as a P.P said.

Rememory · 07/08/2018 06:49

You have no idea how he can be so nasty because YOU are a kind, decent human being. He's pathetic

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sad9999 · 07/08/2018 07:55

The constant texts are draining my head is spinning. I can't block him what happens if one of the children needs me

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RandomMess · 07/08/2018 08:07

Get a new mobile and sim that way you only need to check that phone periodically and it records all the evidence.

sad9999 · 07/08/2018 08:56

When will it come to an end

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