Help me leave my abusive husband

[sad9999]

Fed up if being called a fat cow fed up him controlling the money and fed up of his refusals to help and up of him encouraging the kids to swear at me and call me a fucking ciunt. He undermines me constantly the kids side they won't leave withme. How can I leave them.

[sad9999]

He continues to moan and swear

[Sweetandkind]

Lisa romano's videos on toxic relationships are good.
Especially if you have codependent behaviours like me!

[smartiecake]

Moan and swear over what? Can you get away from him?

[HonkyWonkWoman]

you won't be able to retain or use documents obtained by such means
*MrsBertBibby, are you sure about this?
I said to photocopy all the documents, not retain them!
The only thing that she will have done wrong, is break open a box.
She can then hand the photocopied documents to her Solicitor, who will then have some knowledge of his wealth. The Solicitor can then decide if the documents can be used in a court of law but will more likely ask HIM for copies of his Bank Accounts and a court will back them up in this. If he tried to hide accounts, the Solicitor will then know if them.
OP this has been advised before, when a husband had all documents locked away.
I would just do it!

[MrsBertBibby]

www.familylawweek.co.uk/site.aspx?i=ed62973

Yes I am sure. Any solicitor handed copies of illegally obtained documents including copies should immediately send them to the owner's solicitor with a full explanation. And confirmation no copies have been keot.

I know Mumsnet lore is that you rifle the man's filing cabinets and copy everything but it is wrong.

[sad9999]

Thank you. If they had my name on them can i copy them ?

[MrsBertBibby]

If they relate to assets in your name, then it is hard to see why you shouldn't retain copies, although that doesn't justify the safe breaking. But that doesn't include documents that merely mention you as (say) a life insured on a policy in his name.

Just because he is your husband doesn't mean the ordinary law does not apply.

[HonkyWonkWoman]

I stand corrected! It does appear to be frowned on but after saying that I would say that him holding documents pertaining to you under lock and key, would be quite illegal also.
If you do go to see a Solicitor, make sure that you tell him about the £500k pay off bribe he offered.
Also mention that you are pretty sure that he will try to hide assets.
See a Solicitor before you make any move whatsoever.

[sad9999]

Things have escalated and I have walked out. DD told me to f off and I told her i was not being spoken to lkike that and he told her to ring the police. I walked out. I am a mess

[smartiecake]

OP where are you? Have you anywhere to go or can you go to your sisters?

[smartiecake]

Have you got anyof your stuff? Can you stay away tonight and go back tomorrow and get your stuff? Maybe its time for you to leave them to it and start the process to get away

[sad9999]

hiding in my car worried about being accused of abandoning you

[sad9999]

no stuff

[strawberryblondebint]

Where are you. Maybe there's a mumsnetter near that can help you.

[smartiecake]

You would not be accused of abandoning the kids. They are teenagers - old enough to be home without an adult and i assume their father will be at home overnight. If any of them say that to you ignore them. They are all abusive and it sounds a completely toxic household. You had to leave. They gave you no choice. How far away is your sister? Do you have a friend nearby?

[Nagsnovalballs]

First thing in the morning, contact your work HR or finance dept and get your wage stopped. Are you paid 1st of the month? You might be able to block it. Then get to a bank he doesn’t bank with and set up a basic account and immediately contact work with the new details.

Fight for your money and then your freedom will come. Your children will follow one day, but not yet.

[Iflyaway]

pay my wages into an account he controls

Go to the bank and open your own account. Then go to HRM and change the account nr. to your own to have the wages paid into.

It's the first most important step.

[Nagsnovalballs]

Also your kids are teens - not abandoning them. You are leaving them with their other parent. Stop doing anything for them: no after school activities or school runs, no cooking or washing. It’s dad they want, so dad can look after their wants. They’ll soon realise everything you do for them.

[smartiecake]

Do you have any cash?

[Iflyaway]

Nags - great minds and all that....

[sad9999]

aparently i wont be able to get into the house

[myidentitymycrisis]

sad sorry and well done also even though you had no choice.
can you speak to your d sis? drive there?
if you need to get in can you wait till he goes to work tomorrow to get your docs. (passport, marriage cert etc)

[myidentitymycrisis]

what a bastard

[cestlavielife]

Drive to your sister or local hotel.

In the morning talk to hr and see a solicitor.
Don't go back.

This is the beginning of your new life.
Well done.

The kids are teens they will be fine.

[Nagsnovalballs]

Indeed, ifly!

Also, op, worst case scenario for tonight, if you don’t have a friend to call On and you have no money, Park in a safe place and sleep in your car. I’ve done it and it isn’t fun but don’t feel you have no options at all. Hostels and Airbnb can do cheap rates too, especially in shared rooms. Again, not ideal, but you can sort your pay situation within a few days so it is only very temporary.