Trying for another, after a battle the first time round

[tryingfortwo2]

A bit niche..?

DH and I are back in the ttc game trying for our second, currently ovulating on cycle 3 or 4 (after a chemical at almost 5 weeks last cycle).

With baby 1 it took us 13 long months, which I know isn’t long compared to some, but it really took it out of us mentally. I was doing everything under the sun (you name it, I tried it), DH was hugely feeling the pressure, and we stopped dtd for fun. Ended up pregnant the month after a hycosy.

It’s been so nice to not ttc and get back to dtd to enjoy it, and I said I’d try my best to be more chill this time (& here I am making a thread 🫠) but hard to just “forget” everything I learned last time! So quite nervous about another potential long wait, and the effects of that.

Don’t know anyone else in a similar position, so thought I might find some company here♥️

@Peonies94 its something like sperm need to change morphologically to be able to penetrate the egg, and they need to be in cervical fluid for the change to start and it takes roughly 6hours. Add onto that the time it takes them to get up to the fallopian tubes, plus the fact an egg is most likely to be successful if fertilised within 6hrs of release… all of those facts basically mean if you have sex even the same second ovulation happens, the likelihood of successful fertilisation of a still healthy egg in time, is so so slim.

I guess the advice is dtd the day of peak and the day after because we might not ovulate until 2 days after peak? But sex on o-day only has something like 10% chance compared to the day before being up at like 40% (of the 20% chance we have each cycle🫠)

I guess it only really matters if you’re like us - DH couldn’t dtd every day, so I read a lot about dtd when it really mattered!

@tryingfortwo2 that's really interesting!!!! I'll keep on shagging on the daily then just to be sure haha!!

@tryingfortwo2 thats interesting! We try and do every other day and aim for 3 in a row from peak! My cycles are 50/60 days long sometimes, so definitely couldn’t do 40 days!

when after having a peak should you notice a temp rise does anyone know? I’m starting to worry that my peak was a false peak!

@MerryMissie the stamina!!!! 😂

@Peonies94 they say 12-36hrs on average after peak for ov, don’t they? But I never found a clear answer on whether that’s after the FIRST positive OPK (so the surge) or the last/strongest?! Like if you have two days of positives, I’m not sure when the 12-36hr window starts haha. I temped when ttc the first time round, and used to get a temp spike the morning after ov. So usually 2 days after peak, meaning I’d ovulated the day after peak. Do you check your cm or cervix position? I gave up temping (too stressful) when I figured out that my cm/cervix give away immediately that I’ve ovulated!

We aim for every second day as usually so exhausted with 15 month old I am asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow! Definitely enjoying having a labido back after stopping breastfeeding though!

Does anyone get ovulation cramps? I have only had one period so far and should be on cycle day 17 so around suspected ovulation time. I've had cramps yesterday but never used to get them before having my son. I can only assume that they are ovulation cramps given the cycle date but don't know my cycle well anymore given I've only had one period in two years!

@Babyenroute how did you do it? Seems impossible right now! 🤯

@tryingfortwo2 so it’s been 2 days since my peak but no spike in temp yet! I’m assuming it’ll either happen tonight or it’s false peak! 😩 annoying as we’ve managed to DTD lots!

Do you mean the stopping breastfeeding @Peonies94 ? If so, it was with a lot of distraction techniques and my DH doing the majority of nights. My baby was also a feed up to 12 times a night boy 😂 so it actually ended up being a bit easier than I expected but we did it gradually to minimise upset for both of us. He was such a milk monster.

@Babyenroute yes, my child is the same! 12 times a night co sleeper! 😩 how do they sleep now? That’s good! I’m hoping to do this gradually and wean, but so obsessed it seems like I’ll never do it!

@Peonies94 I know they say it doesn't always make a difference but my son went from waking at least every 2 hours (and that was a good stretch), to waking once for a bottle at 5.30am before going back to sleep, within three days. It was a total surprise to us how transformative it was. Wouldn't change a moment of our time breastfeeding though as I loved that experience and it was worth the lack of sleep for me, up until a point.
I can jot down some of the gradual steps we took and PM you if you think this might be helpful. We really aimed for minimal tears so stretched it over a few weeks to gradually change habits.

@Babyenroute tnat would be amazing please! Did he take a bottle prior to you making the change? I’m also wanting to do gradually! My daughter is hourly waking! U until 6 months she woke minimally, and then it got worse, she’s not long turned one and is awful now! 😴

I have everything crossed that my temp raises tonight, if not my clear blue ovulation sticks have been wrong! 🤞🏻🤞🏻 it’ll be 3 days since my static so I should definitely see a rise!

So third day after static smile, and no sign of ovulation! Looks like it was a false peak! I was using the clear blue ones, so obviously stopped testing for 2 days, but I think I’ll get some cheap ones now to track it that way instead? Maybe I’ll see another peak then 🤞🏻

@Peonies94 hows your cm? Did you notice it going to egg white consistency?

@tryingfortwo2 no I didn’t, but I never really notice a change there! 🤦🏻‍♀️

@Peonies94 hmm maybe best just to order some cheapies then and track that way? I’ve seen a few people on threads here mention the CB ones were a bit off at times!

Sorry just catching up! @tryingfortwo2 sorry to hear you have been feeling unwell. Did you manage to speak to the Gp today? Have you been feeling tired! I remember that feeling of exhaustion in the early stages. I had to lie down on the floor in the middle of changing the bed sheets as I just didn't have the energy for it 😂.
That's really interesting about the info you sent over about the best chances to conceive as being the 2 days before. Hopefully we managed to dtd at the optimum time this cycle. Although I'm not holding out much hope. After 14months first time round I can't see it happening the cycle 1 this time! Also I noticed that I definitely didn't have as much CM this time and my easy@home peak was only 0.89. Another week til we find out. Really is the longest waiting game 😂

That's frustrating for you @Peonies94. I've never temped so can't offer any advice I'm afraid. If you have managed to DTD lots hopefully you have still ovulated at some point and are covered

@Babyenroute have you completely stopped breastfeeding now? I still comfort feed my DS who is nearly 2. I feel like I am ready to stop but not sure he is!! Still get him to sleep at night with a breastfeed (ge rejects a bottle and wants mummy's milk after about an ounze!) and for day nap unless we are out anywhere. He is hit and miss with waking in the night so quite lucky in that respect. I'd have to feed him back to sleep if he did wake up though. Im definitely at the ready to wean stage!

@RC222x its not looking like I’ve actually ovulated 😔 going to continue with every other day, just incase I ovulate later on, but my cycles can be so long so its draining after 2 weeks! I’m cd 18 atm, so hopefully it doesn’t go on too long! I’m going to order cheap ovulation tests too as the clear blue are so expensive!

@RC222x yes I have completely stopped now. To be honest, I was struggling to create the boundaries and my son was demanding sometimes 10 feeds a night. I would have probably continued longer if I was just feeding for comfort once or twice a day as really enjoyed comfort feeding.
My husband now does all bedtimes so I suddenly have far more free time on my hands and a lot more rest.

@Babyenroute it gives me hope though, it seems that I’ll be feeding my baby forever! I enjoy it, but the nights are a lot sometimes! Even some days she just feeds constantly! 😅
i do wonder if this is affecting ovulation for me though, but I did have long cycles before, so who knows!

@Peonies94 ah that's frustrating for you! Hopefully you will ovulate soon. I just assume I ovulate straight after peak but I don't temp. My CM and cycle seem to follow the same pattern (apart from this month funnily enough 🙄) so I think I usually do, and always try to DTD a day or so after peak too. I quite like the easy@home opk tests. I think when ttc DS I used the easy@home but when in middle of fertile week used the clear blue aswel as extra confirmation. Literally peeing money down the drain 🤣

@Babyenroute had you already day weaned before stopping night time feeds? I think other than getting DS down for a nap he doesn't need or ever ask for breastfeed in the day so think weaning off then would be ok. It's the nighttime I'm worried about as I don't want me (or more likely DH) to be up for hours trying to get him down. Needs to happen soon though i think! I also wondered if it could affect ovulation at all but I don't think I do it often enough now.

It's good you have some more you time and your DH is able to do bedtimes 😊

@RC222x DS started nursery at 1 so we had a few months where he was naturally not having any feeds during the day 4 days a week. After nursery he was always desperate but I started distracting him with a snack like a fruit pouch (yes not an overly good habit but that has also now been kicked). The distraction technique also worked for swimming lessons which he always seems desperate after and weekends took a little while of gradual weaning to totally kick.

Since a bit of interest in the topic I will put the details of the steps we took on here. @Peonies94 you were also interested in this I think. Basically it was all about distraction!

I started by changing our nighttime routine. Actually triggered by me going out, DH doing bedtime and it going perfectly well. First step feeding in the lounge (offering bottle then boob if he hadn't had much) rather than his room, then said good night and DH took him through for cuddles to sleep.
DH would go in through the night and bring him to me at around 2 for a feed. Luckily, we found he settled quite well with cuddles too and never screamed for hours for boob if it wasn't infront of him.
When he got that after about a week, we decided to trial distracting him in the morning with a pouch of baby brekkie and DH getting up with him first and giving him breakfast and a cup or bottle of milk before I surfaced so that he was nice and full before seeing me and getting any ideas.
Gradually as he was offered bottle instead of boob, he started taking more (previously we couldn't get him to drink any more than 50 mls from a bottle). He also started accepting the bottle overnight from DH. We use the little disposable 70ml formula bottle overnight for ease and they have very soft natural feeling tetes which he seemed to like and find less intimidating than big bottles for some reason.
He soon started waking up only twice vs 6+ times
We picked the night to try no boob at random and it was unexpected, just because he was really tired and had a good bottle feed. It meant I wasnt aware of when my last feed was going to be which made it a bit easier. He went down fine and never had a breastfeed again. We had around three weeks buildup to this day with distracting him to have as few feeds as possible.
I still havnt let him see me topless as I'm sure he will chance his luck but he's perfectly happy with bottles now. His solids intake has also increased dramatically.

Let me know if you have any questions!

@Babyenroute that sounds to have gone so well for you!! I’m only just going back to work so I plan on giving it a few months but will try this sort of method! Right now she takes no sort of bottle, but hopefully that will improve! I’m not desperate to wean right now, but it’s something I feel like wil never happen 😂

feeling really deflated right now! Had my peak three days ago, followed by temp gradually going up for 2 days (slowly but did go up) to then dropping the day later! Looks like I don’t ovulate! It all feels like such a waste 😔

@RC222x The reason I stated temping was because I was having a peak and then 2 weeks later no period, but then another peak, and then some months getting 3 peaks! I never knew which was a true ovulation or which wasn’t, so I ended up temping! (Really long cycles too, so costs a fortune in CB ovulation tests) I also don’t get any other noticable signs! I like to see the temp change and the opks, and then obviously a period in two weeks lets me know that it probably did happen!
see that’s my issue, my periods come back a few months back after beginning to imtroduce solids! I’ve always had irregular cycles so it’s hard to tell if they’re unusual because of breastfeeding and then the temping is hard to tell if that’s accurate with being up through the night 🙃 ahh well goes I’ll just see what happens!

Thanks for sharing @Babyenroute

I think your right distraction is key! My son never actually asks for feeds during the day, I have often given it for ease if it's really early in the morning or to get him down for a nap. But he will go down for a nap during a drive or walk so will have to try that until he can self sooth abit!
It's the nights that will be tricky. I'll have to go out every evening whilst DH takes over bedtime otherwise he'd just cry if he knew I was there. Dh got him down when I went out a couple of weeks ago but took an hour and 20mins 🙈 Will have to wait until DH is firing on all cylinders to try it!

Definitely good to do it all gradually though.

@Peonies94 ah that must be frustrating. Let me know how you get on!

I started with spotting today which is usual for me about a week for AF arrives so I reckon I'm out!