Trying for another, after a battle the first time round

[tryingfortwo2]

A bit niche..?

DH and I are back in the ttc game trying for our second, currently ovulating on cycle 3 or 4 (after a chemical at almost 5 weeks last cycle).

With baby 1 it took us 13 long months, which I know isn’t long compared to some, but it really took it out of us mentally. I was doing everything under the sun (you name it, I tried it), DH was hugely feeling the pressure, and we stopped dtd for fun. Ended up pregnant the month after a hycosy.

It’s been so nice to not ttc and get back to dtd to enjoy it, and I said I’d try my best to be more chill this time (& here I am making a thread 🫠) but hard to just “forget” everything I learned last time! So quite nervous about another potential long wait, and the effects of that.

Don’t know anyone else in a similar position, so thought I might find some company here♥️

Hi! Didn't want to read and run. I've been through a long TTC battle and still no kids so totally understand why going back to this state would be hard. Just keep communicating with your partner and try to have as much fun as possible between the enforced dtd times! Good luck and hope it doesn't take as long for you to get your BFP this time x

Hi OP I'm in a similar position to PP. We have been trying for a year for #1 and I can't even imagine going through this again if I do get my BFP. It's so all consuming no matter how much you try to relax and not think about it 🫠Honestly if we do manage to conceive it'll be one and done, mainly due to my age though (I'm 41) so I'll be thrilled if I can get a BFP naturally over the next few months (if not it will be IVF by next summer I'd say) Anyway just wanted to say that you're not alone, you've been here before and you can get through it 💪Perhaps the distraction of your current DC will make it a bit easier 🤞

Heyyy here for a hand hold! We are trying for number 2 after a 3 year battle to get number 1! We started trying again January this year just after our daughter turned 2 and fell pregnant in March resulting in a mmc in May. We're still trying and dd has just turned 3. It's exhausting going through the negative emotions every month when AF inevitably shows... I'm currently going through fertility testing to see if there's an issue as I'm 38 and the biological clock is definitely clicking loudly now! I really hope that we all get the child we long for! The TTC road is a rocky one! 🩷✨

@moosey89 thank you for commenting, so sorry to hear you’re in the thick of it ♥️ really kind of you to comment after reading I’ve already got one DC, I was worried I was being insensitive complaining about wanting a second when people are trying so hard for their first. I really hope you get your BFP soon 🤞🏻🤞🏻

@Sez281 thank you for your positivity, it’s very much appreciated ♥️. And I’m sorry you’re a year in, it’s so crap isn’t it? And yes so, so consuming - feels like living life in 2 week increments, just forever waiting for something and trying not to stress about it. The stress I feel on the lead up to ov is wild! Sending you all the positive vibes that you get some answers and that BFP soon. Are you in the fertility tests stage now?

@thejollytrolleydolly (great name!) thanks for the hand hold ❤️‍🩹 so sorry about your MMC, I can’t imagine going from the relief of it only taking ttc for 3 months, to the the heartbreak. And sorry too that the first time was a battle - 3 years! You’re a hero. Did anything change at the end to get the bfp with your daughter? The hycosy seemed to do it for me, so I’m occasionally have to talk myself out of paying £500 for another one 🫠

@tryingfortwo2 thank you 😊 ermmm I think I just had a lot going on! We had bought a puppy a couple months before, just put down a deposit on a bigger house and went on a trip to Amsterdam! My daughter was conceived on a VERY boozy weekend away 😂 this time round we were just "seeing how it goes" and bam 3 months later we were pregnant again! Obviously that pregnancy wasn't successful and it unfortunately sent me on a downward spiral of obsessively trying to get back what I had lost and 6 months later I am just starting to calm down about it again. Is been a tough old year though. We had told our daughter about the baby in mummy's tummy and everything 😩 fingers crossed we both get our BFP's soon it really is exhausting having to go through the rollercoaster of emotions every month! It's physically impossible to relax 😂 I've just started the tiniest bit of spotting 4 days before af and even though I know it's my period there's a little voice that's saying "what if it's implantation?" I don't know why I do this to myself every month 🙈 xx

@thejollytrolleydolly hahaha I love that! I think I’m so far gone at this point that even on a boozy weekend in Amsterdam I’d be thinking about ovulation and cm and everything else 😂 I don’t think I know how to chill out about it.

Aww that breaks my heart, so hard for you all as a family 💔 a mmc is so cruel, I was so nervous with my little girl that I’d had 2 private scans before my 12 week nhs one. You’re amazing for making it out the other side with the positivity it sounds like you’ve got, but I really am so sorry you had to go through that.

How’s your testing etiquette? 😂 do you wait for af day before testing..? Xx

@tryingfortwo2 haha no I'm terrible for early testing! I normally do one about dpo then wait a couple of days, do another, convince myself that I'm actually further from ovulation than I think then revert back to the original number when it's negative 😂 I go through so many ics! It scratches an itch though and I'm used to seeing blank ones. I think I would pass out if I got a positive one at this point! How about you? Xx

@thejollytrolleydolly haha I am the exact same! I got a faint positive with my daughter on the evening of 9dpo so it’s SO hard to get to 10dpo without testing 😂 then kid myself for 2/3 days that it’s just too early. Or spend ages staring at it next to a light….
I was told by a dr that if you’re absolutely sure when you ovulated, you should have a positive by 12dpo. He said any super faint new lines after that will likely become a chemical as the embryo is too big to fully & successfully implant after that (and then in my experience that’s happened with both of mine), and by 12dpo it should have implanted ”more” and hcg should be higher, so I stop at 12dpo now and just wait for af. I’ve told a couple of people that and they’ve said it’s not true though, that some people just have lower/slower hcg, so who knows! I’m not even 1dpo yet and my tww is already dragging 🫠😂 do you use OPKs? xx

@tryingfortwo2 it's hard either way - I'm actually approaching the end of my journey (given it's been about 8 years on and off for various reasons with 2 MMCs and a chemical). IVF isn't an option for us and I have low ish ovarian reserve. So we're figuring out how long we keep trying for before we call it a day.

You can be grateful for what you have, and be sad for things you don't have. The two aren't mutually exclusive. It's a different type of hard I think when you're trying for a second. You've been through the experience and know what you're trying for, and that must bring a lot of heartache with it too. Just give your daughter an extra tight squeeze when you need it xx

@tryingfortwo2 oh I'm so intrigued by the fact that you got your last BFP after a HyCosy, I had a lap/dye/Hysterocopy last month so really hoping it's given me a good clear out (currently 6/7dpo so will know soon enough 🤞😂

I had my first ever BFP in January of this year then a MMC in March which ended up in medical then emergency surgical management 😢 so we're still a bit shook from that! 😣 My cycle only returned to normal in May then I had a CP in July and nothing since so we've just gone down the investigations route (hence the surgical stuff last month) From what I've gathered it all went well and my day 3 and 21 bloods seem within range but the plan is to start ovulation induction in January and then IVF within a few months. The way I look at it is we've conceived at least twice this year though so I'm still cautiously (or naively 🤷‍♀️) optimistic that it will happen naturally 🙏

Like you I'm an early tester though, and no amount of telling myself to chill will work. I started BBT this month after swearing I wouldn't and it's just another rabbit hole I've gone down 🫠🙈 I actually agree with your doctor about the early testing, I've had a few evaps that I know we're failed attempts at implantation. Maybe we're better off not knowing 😕 I've only got a 9/10 day Luteal phase so not long left for me in TWW thankfully. Hopefully the build up to Christmas will be a good distraction for you 🤞

@tryingfortwo2 I just re-read your doctors advice on testing after 12dpo, I thought you meant before. That's really interesting. Not that it will affect me as I'm 9-10dpo max before AF shows, but it does make sense 🤔

Hi, just wanted to jump on as I'm in a similar position. Took 14months to conceive DS. Will be ttc #2 from next cycle. A little nervous it's going to take a long time again as we have known fertility issues on both sides. Both taking vitamins but I'm really going to try and relax this time round! I was the same in that we were trying everything under the sun but going to try my best with a no pressure approach this time. Saying that now but I know it's likely to be a different story come fertile week 😂

@moosey89 what a journey you’ve had. I’m so sorry about the mmc and the chemical, I can’t imagine how tough they all were for you. And here you are giving others words of encouragement and positivity, thank you 💐 you’re right, it’s very different this time because whilst on one hand there’s a bit less pressure because we already have our girl which we’re so grateful for and also know we can do it biologically, but on the other hand I’m an only child and I know I don’t want that for her, so there’s a new pressure there.

@Sez281 ohhh I’ll keep everything crossed for you! I’m sure it’s 3 months they say you’re more fertile for after it, and we know 2 other couples in our wider friend group it also worked for 🤞🏻🤞🏻 how was it for you? I found it super painful, my right tube was clogged up with mucus so when she flushed it out it was not pleasant!

Really sorry about your MMC and chemical, I know mumsnet is a bit of an echo chamber but it’s so awful how many people have had MMC 💔 keeping my fingers crossed it happens naturally for you before IVF. Have they tried anything to lengthen your luteal phase? Can a shorter one be any issue?

@RC222x welcome! Sounds like we’re in a fairly similar boat. I’d actually forgotten how many things I’d tried until I saw someone mention Brazil nuts the other day - I totally forgot I’d be loading up on them in my tww every month 😂 how old is your DS? It’s so scary going back into it, isn’t it? I think last time I actually dreaded my fertile week more than my tww some months, the pressure! And my DH sometimes doesn’t do well under said pressure, and that’s tricky for all involved 🫣

Hi I'll join in this thread...

@RC222x similar here both have known issues but we managed it (eventually) first time round

Took us around 18 months first time round and I'm having a moment of madness and decided to ttc number 2... number 1 is nearly 8! What am I doing 😅

I'm in cycle 1 and we are really just going to relax and see what happens especially since having dd we have found out what the "problems" were so we have decided to go for it and see what happens!

@MerryMissie welcome! If you could start by please sharing your secret on how to relax and take it as it comes, I would be so grateful 🙏🏻😂 where are you in your cycle just now? Crazy that you found out any issues way after you were ttc!

Well this is massively outing but I name change quote regularly soooo

Dh actually went for the snip!!!! And when he went they discovered there was something "unusual" with one of his tubes!!! We decided to cancel the snip and I felt it was risky

I knew I had endometriosis for years but turns out it caused alot of scar tissue which may have impaced fertility and this caused me a problem in labour!!

I'm mid way through cycle 1, I'm not tracking or anything xxx

We went through this. With our first we were at 15 cycles and were facing IVF as husband had low sperm motility when I got pregnant naturally two months after a HyCoSy.

We started trying for number two when our son was one. Two years, one round of IVF and three miscarriages later I'm finally 17 weeks pregnant with our second.

I really hope you have an easier route to getting number two! Best of luck!

@tryingfortwo2 It wasn't painful as I was asleep thankfully 😅 It was a triple whammy of HyCosy, Laparoscopy and Hysterocopy so no way I'd have been able😳. So great to hear the positive stories that I might be super fertile for 3 months after it even if this cycle isn't the one 🤞 Just started taking vitamin B 50 complex to try extend my LP a bit.

It seems from other peoples post here that you're in a very similar position to so many ladies, hopefully things will be a bit easier for you this time around 🙏 Also you have the advantage of a wealth of knowledge from before so you don't have to go googling everything.. (you have me looking up Brazil nuts now 😂

Thanks @tryingfortwo2 😊
My DS is 22months now. Hoping we can get pregnant quite quick as I'd like a 3 year age gap...but I know that may be unrealistic! How old is your little one?

It does feel a little scary but I am starting to get a little excited too. Like you said to another lady, it's good to know its biologically possible as have been through it before. Although I'm also gearing myself up for another possible long wait.

Ah yes I know what you mean about said pressure! Feeling tired from having a toddler going through sleep regression is probably going to present extra challenges too 😂

Best of luck @MerryMissie . I'm not going to track I don't think either. Atleast not at first. We went for fertility testing after a year of trying, but by the time we got the results I had conceived naturally. The fertility specialist said they would have recommended IVF based on our results. Really hoping we can get there naturally again!

Congratulations @TheBirdintheCave! Wishing you all the best for your pregnancy 🥰

@MerryMissie oh wow! Were you able to do anything about either of those things, or did you just hold off as you weren’t sure if you were going to go for a second? I’m sure it was nice in a way to get a bit of an explanation too?

@TheBirdintheCave really sorry to hear it’s been a struggle, but huge congratulations! Wishing you a healthy pregnancy and a safe delivery 🥰

@Sez281 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻 keep us posted! I’ve seen people getting their bfp after a chemical too, which was me last month, but trying not to cling to it too much as it didn’t happen after my last chemical! Googling it all 2/3 years ago does mean I google less now I suppose haha. My husband mentioned this morning paying for another hycosy if it hasn’t happened this month, but I’m not sure if he was joking 😂

@RC222x she’s just over 17 months 🥰 doing the nursery fee maths, we wanted her to be 2 before a second came along which meant not trying until she was 15 months. My af came back when she was 11m and I (stupidly!) went on the pill for 6 weeks but it didn’t agree with me so I stopped. I’m not sure who I thought I was, “worrying” about falling pregnant too early after over a year trying for her🤦🏼‍♀️😂 My right tube was clogged though (and it’s my dominant ov side) and a hycosy cleared it then we immediately got pregnant.. so I sort of hoped that was the only issue and we’d fall very quickly when we next tried. So we had one cycle after stopping the pill of “see how we go” and now this is cycle 3 of tracking etc.

My best friend just fell pregnant on her first month trying. So, so delighted for her but good grief I’d like some of her luck!

We've not don't anything about either so we're just taking this ttc as it comes,

I've been on the coil for almost 8 years!! That completely took away the endo symptoms as didn't allow womb lining to develop but there isn't really anything DH can do about his situation!!!

So hence why I am not starting this process like I did with my dd where I was obsessed WHEN WILL IT HAPPEN because it genuinely might not! And I'm only going to give it a year of ttc and enjoy trying 😄

Amazing your friends got pregnant first month it always shocks me ha!! My best friend missed one pill and got pregnant!

@MerryMissie I loved my coil, 5 years of period-free bliss! It was however blamed for my right tube clogging (no other explanation, no history of infection, and only happens in about 15% of women - I was just unlucky!) so I was advised to wait until we were done ttc before having another fitted. But I imagine DH will just get the snip!

That’s such a great attitude, I wish I could be so relaxed. I know, first time! If only it was effort based, we’d be one of those couples with 25 kids and a channel 5 documentary series!! Frustrating when you can do everything “right” timing wise and still no luck.

Hello! Thought I’d join here as we’ve just decided to start ttc for our second. Our first is nearly 1, and it took us a year to conceive her! I really haven’t missed the ttc and found it so horrible last time! I tried everything under the sun, and said I’d be more chill this time! My periods are really irregular but I’ve had 2 in the last couple of months, so think they may have returned now. I purchased my new ovusense so clearly not being thst chill at all, and going to start trying as soon as AF comes and goes! Good luck to you! @tryingfortwo2

@Peonies94 sounds like we’re in a very similar boat! Welcome 🥰 it’s so brutal isn’t it, the thought of going back into it? We’re only on cycle 3 and the thought of it taking 13 again is so daunting. where are you in your cycle? X