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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

Being forced to breastfeed

181 replies

butterfly92 · 14/09/2016 08:02

Hi everyone. I am due next month and already decided I am going to breastfeed for the first couple of weeks or so then move onto bottles but my OH is absolutely adamant that I am not bottle feeding our baby and that I must continue to breastfeed all the way until he is finished (2 - 3)!

I said sorry that is not happening it is my own personal choice and I am going to formula feed once I have breastfeed for a couple of weeks but then he said if I don't then he will pay for someone else to nurse him instead. He is very set in his ways.. It's either breast or he will get someone else to nurse.

What do I do? It is really making me dread childbirth I really don't want any issues SadSad

OP posts:
FruitCider · 14/09/2016 08:05

Seems like you both feel really strongly about the issue! Have you both sat down and explored why you both feel the way you do? Ultimately it is your body so your partner cannot force you to breastfeed if you really don't want to, but it seems your partner feels like breastmilk is really important.

Freezingwinter · 14/09/2016 08:06

Is he for real?! He would pay someone to nurse? What about your feelings?

What's he like otherwise OP?

wowbutter · 14/09/2016 08:07

Take him to an appointment with you and get him to explain to the midwife,mi am sur she will set him straight.
Unregulated wet nurses are not safe.
Bottle feeding is totally fine for your baby and your choice, with your body.
You need to stand up to him now, otherwise where will it end?
Circumcision on your child you don't want? Child being pushed to go to a school they and you hate?

pinkpeter1 · 14/09/2016 08:07

Ask him to point out all your friends and family and ask him which ones were breast and which ones were bottle fed. If he can't, then yup, that's how important it is in the long run.

Hoppinggreen · 14/09/2016 08:08

Are you in the UK? Who will he get to BF the baby? It's not something you can just advertise for on Gumtree.
Sounds like your issue isn't BF vs FF but a controlling arsehole of a husband. Will he totally over rule you on other issues as well?
It's your body and he doesn't get to tell you what to do with it.

JessieMcJessie · 14/09/2016 08:10

Unless you live in the 19th Century I think he'll have trouble finding a wet nurse - is this even legal?

He is wrong to be so black and white and rigid about it though. But he is entitled to have a view about breastfeeding. Are you able to expand a bit on your reasons for not wanting to bf beyond 2 weeks? is this related to prior experience, or something else?

Runningupthathill82 · 14/09/2016 08:11

How is he going to pay someone else to nurse? Are they going to move into your house 24/7? Ask him to think about the logistics (and wait for him to decide it's a terrible idea).

You night take to breastfeeding and want to do it for longer. But you might not be able to do it at all. Why not wait til the baby is here and see how you feel, as at the moment these hypothetical arguments aren't helpful.

longdiling · 14/09/2016 08:11

What is your relationship like generally op? Because I have to say your post is setting off a cacophony of alarm bells and a sea of red flags. It is totally and utterly unreasonable and controlling to try and force someone to do something with their body that they don't want to do. Do you have a trusted midwife you could speak to?

Rozdeek · 14/09/2016 08:11

Your oh is a twat. Your boobs your choice.

However when you get it right breastfeeding is much easier than bottle feeding. I speak from experience as DS is mix fed.

ImYourMama · 14/09/2016 08:12

Why are you only considering BF for 2 weeks? When NHS and WHO suggest BF as long as possible? Formula is there when BF is not an option, not an easy life

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 14/09/2016 08:13

He sounds awful!

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 14/09/2016 08:13

I would absolutely mention this to the MW or HV and watch their reactions.

NineInTheAfternoon · 14/09/2016 08:14

This is horrible op.

Is he this controlling in all aspects of your life?

I choose to do the same as you, and my DH would rather I breastfed but he respected my choice to bottle feed, he never would of threatened to get someone else in to breastfeed Confused he's acting like a dick op

Rozdeek · 14/09/2016 08:14

Oh sod off ImYour, why the fuck should op have to do something she doesn't want to?

Happy mum happy baby.

longdiling · 14/09/2016 08:15

It doesn't sound remotely like the op has an easy life mama. Lots of mothers don't think they'll breastfeed for long and then end up going for a while. The issue here is a relationship one if you ask me

NineInTheAfternoon · 14/09/2016 08:16

Imyour I'm pretty sure the op asked for advice about her DH not options on breastfeeding

melibu84 · 14/09/2016 08:18

I didn't think wet nurses were still a thing anymore! Tell him to get over himself, there are lots of benefits to FF. My DS is FF, and it's been really handy because

  1. anyone can feed him
  2. I don't need to worry about expressing if I'm not going to be at home with him
  3. FF babies start sleeping through the night from earlier, in general. DS is 2 months old and now has a 7 - 8 hour sleep stretch during the night, yay!
  4. FF babies feed less often, which means you have more time for other things during the day, like playtime or, dare I say it, housework!

I will also point out that there is conflicted research on the long term benefits of BF, and F these days has lots of added vitamins and nutrients.

Hoppinggreen · 14/09/2016 08:20

imyour well done for being such a dick to a possibly Emotionally abused woman.
No wonder people throw term like " brestapo" around when people like you have that attitude!!

NickyEds · 14/09/2016 08:21

I'myourmama it doesn't matter why op wants to bf/not bf. It's her body so it's her choice. Alarm bells are also ringing for me I'm afraid, this man seems to think he can exert an extraordinary amount of pressure on his partner.

FrancisCrawford · 14/09/2016 08:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 14/09/2016 08:22

FF isn't an 'easy option' Hmm

dementedpixie · 14/09/2016 08:22

I wouldn't rely on formula making them sleep longer or feed less often btw. My two fed every 2-3 hours for a few months and ds never slept through without a feed until he was 8 months old. At the end of the day it is your choice what you do with your body and he doesn't get to dictate how long you breastfeed for.

Obliviated · 14/09/2016 08:22

Would you consider using donor breast milk and feeding from a bottle, or maybe expressing some feeds? Could be a compromise of sorts.

StorminaBcup · 14/09/2016 08:24

there is conflicted research on the long term benefits of BF

Your dh needs a reality check. I assumed I would bf and it turned out ff was best for us. It's great to have an idea but until you actually have your baby, I'd be cautious about having set ideas about what you will or won't do.

Congratulations though Flowers

dementedpixie · 14/09/2016 08:24

Is there even access to donor milk? I see this trotted out on threads like these and don't know where all these milk donors come from. Surely it is reserved for premature babies in hospital

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