Being forced to breastfeed

[butterfly92]

Hi everyone. I am due next month and already decided I am going to breastfeed for the first couple of weeks or so then move onto bottles but my OH is absolutely adamant that I am not bottle feeding our baby and that I must continue to breastfeed all the way until he is finished (2 - 3)!

I said sorry that is not happening it is my own personal choice and I am going to formula feed once I have breastfeed for a couple of weeks but then he said if I don't then he will pay for someone else to nurse him instead. He is very set in his ways.. It's either breast or he will get someone else to nurse.

What do I do? It is really making me dread childbirth I really don't want any issues

I didn't spot that, Stitch. Some very good points.

It's not about the feeding method, it's his desire to control what she does with her body.

I support women with breastfeeding every day. My job is to help them meet their breastfeeding goal whatever that may be

Practically, his scenario is next to impossible. It's very unlikely you could source donor milk for a well, full term baby that the mother wishes to ff. Wet nursing is usually a private temporary arrangement between close friends or relatives, not something you can just buy in easily.

Planning to ff after the first couple of weeks is a perfectly reasonable goal, if that's your informed decision.

I'd suggest that the relationship is the problem you need to look at.

Oh sorry I missed the bit where you come from a "medical family".

So do I, so my opinion is obviously more valuable than everyone else's.

I don't really understand why anyone is even discussing breastfeeding. This man sounds really abusive - he can't make you do anything you don't want to and if he tries you need to get out of there.

Please don't let this thread become a FF vs BF thread - it's not really the issue.

You're right splendide

Donor milk is definitely a possibility. I have my daughter donor milk through human milk for human babies.

I don't think you should make your mind up yet.
You might find you love feeding and it is so easy to plug them in!
You might have difficulty feeding and a screaming baby might make him change his mind. Wait till baby is born.

When he grows breasts and starts lactating then he can breastfeed to his hearts desire.

^this.

Also like to add on once he's been through 40 weeks of pregnancy, pushed a melon sized object out of his arse and dealt with a delightful array of antenatal health issues - e.g. post partum haemorrhage, tears and stitches, haemorrhoids, after pains? THEN he can have a say.

Lets get the breast brigade to fuck the fuck off for a minute (And please keep fucking off until you're a suitable distance away from anything with internet access) and realize that the issue here ISN'T FEEDING AT ALL.
Will OP's baby continue to thrive on formula? Yes.
Then thats all I care about
I'm more concerned with the fact that you are being emotionally abused.
Please LTB. It will get worse.

I can't believe there are still replies saying oh wait and give it a try etc? Does it not occur to you that it isn't even the issue?!

Your body your choice.

I agree you need to bring this out in front of a neutral third party such as the midwife. Saying it out loud and getting a professional response might jolt him back into reality. Plus your midwife will have a heads up with regard to your home situation so may be able to trigger focused long term support through health visitor.

This isn't about BF vs FF it's about a mothers right to make personal choices and do what she thinks is best for her and her baby.

I think people are getting dis2by the whole BF vs FF debate. That's not the issue here. The issue is someone dictating what a new mum does with her baby.

If it was 'DP says when the baby is born we have to drive down to visit PILS who live 350 miles away that week, and he doesn't drive'. I don't think one person would say 'see how you feel you might enjoy it'.

*distracted

Delighted to see I've cross posted with at least a handful of sensible posters

suggest he asks the midwife how to find a wet nurse, explaining his plan.

Why do women have children with such arseholes?

Wonder what else he will try and 'force'

You don't need this added pressure from a controlling partner.

He sounds an arse

For the love of God. It DOESN'T MATTER how this baby is fed. That is not the issue. What matters is that the op's partner thinks he has the right to dictate what she does with her body. Where does that end? Does he get to dictate that she never leaves the house? That she gives up work? Does he get to decide that this baby needs a sibling and force her into another pregnancy...?

Perhaps he is just a stupid man who can't see that what he is doing puts him onto the same scale as an abuser. Or maybe he really is an abusive bastard. Either way, the op needs help, not a fucking breast is best lecture.

Why do women have children with such arseholes?

The OP says he hasn't been controlling until now.

There's two options here. Either he's in the process of turning into an abusive prick during/because of the pregnancy (it happens), or he's been reading too many baby books and overreached himself in terms of how much of an opinion he needs to give. Taking him along to a midwife or HV meeting (maybe after discussing the issue with them and checking they are on your side, which they should be) should help figure out which it is. He should come out bloody embarrassed and apologetic.

Tell him to buy a breast pump and start now, you never know he might have started lactating by the time the baby is born 🙄 Get him to google "male breastfeeding" as a start. I mean, he would probably only need to be hooked up to a milking machine for about 23 hours a day, right?

Other people are right, it's not your baby, but it is your body and your breasts, so it is up to you how you use them.

I was bullied into breastfeeding by the midwife, HV, mother, mother-in-law, seemingly everyone. I was crap at it, and so miserable. Changing to bottles made everything so much better. Second time round, I assumed I'd bottle feed from the start, but gave breastfeeding another go and did it for seven months. The difference being, it was my decision.

OP I have read one of your other threads, your partner also wants his mother to move in as soon as the baby is born and take over all childcare because 'you couldn't possibly cope.' He is emotionally abusing you, please try to seek some real life support.

Sorry but this is their child together, and I think the father is entitled to his opinion and perhaps more in depth discussion should be had as to why he feels so strongly.

To be fair I think that he is approaching it all wrong but myself cannot understand why any mother would choose not to BF since we all are aware of the superior benefits in the short and long term to the child. All the friends I have with FF babies suffer much more sicknesses and have tended to pick up many more bugs than those who BF.

That's not to say women shouldn't have a choice I just wonder why it's a choice of the mother is able to BF - obviously there are exceptions which is where FF is a wonderful
Option.

Ok I do believe with the right hormonal mix and a lot of stimulation it is possible to induce lactation in men so I guess he will be getting that started around now?

What. A. Tit. No pun intended.

OP do you feel confident telling him no way are you doing it and if not, what are your concerns? Are there other imbalances in your relationship? For example is he financially better off (wet nurses don't come cheap, or is he just shooting his mouth off?)

What will happen if you want to stop bf and he can't find a wet nurse? Will he physically prevent you from ff it ie effectively starving the child? If the answer is yes, then it would be neglect/abuse on his part and you may need the children's services assistance.