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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

Being forced to breastfeed

181 replies

butterfly92 · 14/09/2016 08:02

Hi everyone. I am due next month and already decided I am going to breastfeed for the first couple of weeks or so then move onto bottles but my OH is absolutely adamant that I am not bottle feeding our baby and that I must continue to breastfeed all the way until he is finished (2 - 3)!

I said sorry that is not happening it is my own personal choice and I am going to formula feed once I have breastfeed for a couple of weeks but then he said if I don't then he will pay for someone else to nurse him instead. He is very set in his ways.. It's either breast or he will get someone else to nurse.

What do I do? It is really making me dread childbirth I really don't want any issues SadSad

OP posts:
whirlwinds · 14/09/2016 08:25

Rozdeek, sod off yourself, it is a reasonable question and quite frankly anyone who chooses to bottle feed their baby needs to think of these things. Coming from a medical family, bottles are emergency or medical, so have a good reason to why you don't wish to give your child the best start possible is beyond me. Being selfish is not a good reason btw.

In regard to OP and DP, you need to sit down and listen to each other, at the end of the day it is your body but the child belongs to both of you and hearing him out and him hearing you out is important so you are not arguing when the baby arrives. Go to a neutral third party to help you talk through this.

ImYourMama · 14/09/2016 08:25

I agree with the OP's partner, I would want baby to be breastfed unless it was physically impossible. He wants the best for his child, which is breast milk, not bloody formula full of sugar and synthetic shit. Formula has a place but it's the selfish one from the mother's POV. Emotional abuse is a ridiculous term to band about without further knowledge, maybe he's read all the literature proving breast is best and wants his partner to actually give it a proper go!

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 14/09/2016 08:26

Donor milk for prem babies? Not that I know of unless it's a knew thing.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 14/09/2016 08:27

**new ( phone!)

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 14/09/2016 08:27

The thing is, he won't be able to get someone else to nurse your baby, assuming you live in the UK. There isn't a section for wet nurses on gumtree...

What's he been like through your pregnancy? Does he try to control you in other ways?

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 14/09/2016 08:28

Mama - you're talking utter nonsense.

Original poster
butterfly92 · 14/09/2016 08:28

Thank you all for your replies so far!

No he isn't usually controlling in other areas just specifically to breastfeeding! He has clearly said to me I am not bottle feeding so either way, I don't know really! SadShock

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 14/09/2016 08:28

whirlwinds whatever your opinion on the BF/FF issue and obviously coming from a " medical" family your opinion is FAR more important, do you not understand that the issue here is a controlling and possibly abusive husband rather than how she feeds her baby?
Give all your evidence etc on other posts where women are DECIDING what to do but not here where a woman is being forced to do it - the clue is in the title!

Freezingwinter · 14/09/2016 08:29

I am SO pro breastfeeding but I draw the line at calling ff mums selfish. This post was never meant to be a Breast vs formula feeding debate, it's about helping a mum to be who sounds like she is being controlled??

put your personal feelings aside and concentrate on helping the OP

dementedpixie · 14/09/2016 08:30

I think you'll find formula has the same shite sugar in it as breastmilk has (lactose). And yes I think hospitals do have milk banks and use donor milk for prem babies

Freezingwinter · 14/09/2016 08:30

Sorry OP but he sounds absolutely awful. I wanted to bf and struggled through but if I had formula fed my husband would have supported that too. Instead of forcing you into something why is he not supporting you? The whole thread makes me feel like crying!

BaronessEllaSaturday · 14/09/2016 08:31

The child does belong to both of them however the feeding choice is solely down to the mother as it is her body. Women do have the right to bodily autonomy and nothing and no one has the right to over rule that.

Op it doesn't matter what your reasons are or how strongly your partner feels it is your body and he is so far out of line that it's stupid to use terms other than controlling and abusive. You need to talk this out with someone else and I don't mean a midwife, you need someone who can see past the breastfeeding versus formula to the fact that he is trying to control your body. Good luck for the future

Spudlet · 14/09/2016 08:31

It's not unheard of for abuse to start during pregnancy. I think you need to seek some real world support.

YOUR body, your choice.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 14/09/2016 08:31

I think you should both go to your next midwife appointment together and discuss it. Saying it out loud in front of another, neutral person, will help him understand how ridiculous he's being.

The other thing is, once you have established bf it's easy. Doing it for two weeks only is harder, iyswim, because you never get to the point where it becomes easy. It's entirely possible that you'll change your mind once you're in the swing of it - but if he keeps laying down the law like this then you won't. He's backing you into a corner.

stitchglitched · 14/09/2016 08:32

ImYourMama seems to enjoy being 'controversial' on threads but mostly just comes across as a dick. Please ignore them OP.

It is ultimately your decision. He gets to have an equal input into most aspects of his child's life but not things that involve your body. Do you have parents you are close to? I'd be considering going and staying with my Mum whilst I had the baby and for a few weeks after to ensure I was cared for and respected at such a vulnerable time.

Hmmnotkeen · 14/09/2016 08:32

Donor milk for prem babies?

Not sure if it's a new thing, but yeah its a thing. I was all set to donate but they need you to start donating under six months.

I doubt theyd help with an otherwise fed baby though

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 14/09/2016 08:34

When he grows breasts and starts lactating then he can breastfeed to his hearts desire.

SpeakNoWords · 14/09/2016 08:34

He can't unilaterally decide that your baby will be nursed by someone else. It's ridiculous and it's disrespectful, not to mention controlling. Who on earth will he find to wet nurse a few weeks old baby, day and night?! If he finds someone, how will he check that they are healthy? It's not regulated and there would be no comeback if anything went wrong. Plus he clearly hasn't thought about the emotional aspects of involving another adult so much in your child's life. There's no way I'd let another woman take over feeding my baby.

paddypants13 · 14/09/2016 08:36

He's a massive twat. Unless he's going to breast feed the baby himself he does not get a say.

I mixed fed with dd. I desperately wanted to bf but it just didn't work for us. Dh was really supportive and encouraged me but he did not lecture me when I gave dd a bottle.

I would seriously ltb if he tried to hire a woman to bf my child or bought breastmilk online. Perhaps print him a list of all the diseases and medication that can be passed via breastmilk and point out that you have no idea of anyone's history.

What a knob.

Freezingwinter · 14/09/2016 08:37

Are you ok OP? This is just awful!

PovertyPain · 14/09/2016 08:37

Regarding your 'D'H and the posters who are trying to bully you, OP, when it's their breast that's being used, then they are welcome to give their opinion regarding YOUR tits! The OP came on here because her H is bullying her and gets bullied by certain posters. Well done. Now why don't you try to support the OP and her choice.

OP, you don't need to give ANY reasons to posters for your choice. Your H is behaving in a horrible and bullying manner. I'm concerned that you're not going to get any support when your baby is born, if he's like this now. Don't let him push you around. Flowers

stitchglitched · 14/09/2016 08:38

You call him your OH, are you actually married? Because if not he can't actually make any decisions about your child unless you consent to him going on the birth certificate. Maybe something for him to think about when he is trying to bully you with threats of a wet nurse. How dare he. And yes to Spudlet about abuse often starting in pregnancy where for some men it is the first time they are not the centre of the universe and they don't get to call all the shots and they don't like it.

Toffeelatteplease · 14/09/2016 08:38

His attitude is simply horrible. Another bucket load of support heading your way

Rozdeek · 14/09/2016 08:39

it is a reasonable question

And had nothing to do with what the op was asking.

And wasn't a reasonable question anyway. Nobody's fucking business what someone does with their body.

The benefits of breastfeeding are statistically widely misinterpreted and hugely over exaggerated.

I love bfeeding because it's easy and convenient. But I have done my research and formula is a perfectly adequate alternative.

Fucking hate the breastapo b

Freezingwinter · 14/09/2016 08:42

If we stop answering the bullying posts on here they'll have nothing to work with. Just ignore them!

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