The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread#5 - 🐧 The Penguin Huddle 🐧

[InDreamland]

This is a safe space and supportive thread for anyone who is pregnant following a loss. We all understand the worry and anxiety that can come from being pregnant again following miscarriage/stillbirth.

Please feel free to join, even if you were not on the TTC thread.

Starting the roll call copied from the last thread (please feel free to add your name or amend if due dates have changed following 12 week scans or booking in c-secs):

@Melpops36, 38, EDD 5/12/19
@Beaglemum93, 26, EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81, 38, EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue, 37, EDD 03/01/20
@Laney79, 40, EDD 06/01/20
@Bluebelltulip, 29, EDD 09/01/20
@KnitKitty, 31, EDD 29/01/20
@Newbie21, 38, EDD 06/02/20
@InDreamland, 39, EDD 18/02/20
@Tina363,29, EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer, 29, EDD 28/02/20
@Squiff70, 37, EDD end of February (no exact date with twins)
@Strawberry, 28, EDD 08/03/20
@Ginmonkey84, 34, EDD 16/03/20
@DuvetCaterpillar, 34, EDD 27/03/2020
@Navy123, 29, EDD 10/04/20
@Janey15, 34, EDD 16/04/20
@TinyPaws, 22, EDD 19/04/20
@Flyfisherlady, 37, Edd 24/04/20
@FirstTimeMama91, 28, EDD 06/05/2020

Also tagging @boboelephant and @Yukka just to hope they can pop on and update on their rainbows.

Sorry to anyone I've missed 🐧

Just updating my EDD 🙂

@Melpops36, 38, EDD 5/12/19
@Beaglemum93, 26, EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81, 38, EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue, 37, EDD 03/01/20
@Laney79, 40, EDD 06/01/20
@Bluebelltulip, 29, EDD 09/01/20
@KnitKitty, 31, EDD 29/01/20
@Newbie21, 38, EDD 06/02/20
@InDreamland, 39, EDD 18/02/20
@Tina363,29, EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer, 29, EDD 28/02/20
@Squiff70, 37, EDD end of February (no exact date with twins)
@Strawberry, 28, EDD 08/03/20
@Ginmonkey84, 34, EDD 16/03/20
@DuvetCaterpillar, 34, EDD 27/03/2020
@Navy123, 29, EDD 10/04/20
@Janey15, 34, EDD 13/04/20
@TinyPaws, 22, EDD 19/04/20
@Flyfisherlady, 37, Edd 24/04/20
@FirstTimeMama91, 28, EDD 06/05/2020

Tagging @Twittlebee @coconutlatte @ChikiTIKI @Kayjay2018 @strawberrye

@Melpops36, 38, EDD 5/12/19
@Beaglemum93, 26, EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81, 38, EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue, 37, EDD 03/01/20
@Laney79, 40, EDD 06/01/20
@Bluebelltulip, 29, EDD 09/01/20
@KnitKitty, 31, EDD 29/01/20
@Newbie21, 38, EDD 06/02/20
@InDreamland, 39, EDD 18/02/20
@Tina363,29, EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer, 29, EDD 28/02/20
@Squiff70, 37, EDD end of February (no exact date with twins)
@Strawberry, 28, EDD 08/03/20
@Ginmonkey84, 34, EDD 16/03/20
@DuvetCaterpillar, 34, EDD 27/03/2020
@ChikiTIKI , 29, EDD 04/04/2020
@Navy123, 29, EDD 10/04/20
@Janey15, 34, EDD 13/04/20
@TinyPaws, 22, EDD 19/04/20
@Flyfisherlady, 37, Edd 24/04/20
@FirstTimeMama91, 28, EDD 06/05/2020

@janey15 sorry you're still feeling so sick. That must be so hard, it's awful being off food or unable to eat to keep strength up. Hope you feel better today.

@KnitKitty thank you, I think this pregnancy is just destined to be full of anxiety and every little thing will worry me. Hopefully if I get to 3rd trimester I may start to allow myself to get excited or believe I'll finally get my family and rainbow. Can't believe you'll be 26 weeks! Hope all goes well with the consultant.

Thanks for the new thread @InDreamland
Just slotted myself in. Will have a c sec the week before but still will be in the same slot I think.

Sat at home on my own waiting to set off for my 16 week appointment. I need a wee.... Going to get sample pots and bring them home so I can see in my own time for future appointments.

Feeling anxious... Don't want to go!!! :( it's a local midwife. I've heard she is very nice and I am sure she is, but I just don't want to have appointments with midwives from my birth trauma hospital.

Praying for a heartbeat this morning. And also hoping to get some heartburn medication and diprobase prescription.

Hope you're all having a good week :)

Thanks for the new thread @InDreamland.

Good luck today @Knitkitty.

I've woken up with a headache and DD has decided that she wants to play with her xylophone

Yay! Thanks for the new thread @InDreamland!

I will leave my due date as my due date for now, although will be having a section before. I can't wait to get my date! So jealous of all who have theirs!

Good luck today @Knitkitty and @ChikiTIKI!

I am so busy at work that I am being rubbish at keeping up. I am reading but no replying properly. Thinking of you all xxx

Thanks for the new thread @InDreamland

Thank you everyone for the positive scan vibes! Really pleased to say the scan went well, all the organ checks were looking good and growing well. Actually it was quite funny because head circumference, abdominal circumference and humerus length are all around average, but femur length was right near the bottom of the normal range so this little girl has clearly inherited her mums short stubby legs!

@sadtoday21 how did your scan go?

@boboelephant congratulations! Ever so pleased for you, so glad to hear your twins have arrived safely and are as perfect as can be. Thank you so much for all your support over a long time on the TTC thread, you have been such a star. It’s really heart warming to hear you finally got your happy ending after everything you have been through.

@Mistymeow sorry you have had some scares, but please know you can post on here for support or send a private message

@KnitKitty I’m self taught knitting too – means I’m not very good at fixing my mistakes and there are a couple of “imperfections” in my rainbow baby blanket but I figure that makes it more charming  Good luck for seeing your consultant and good to have another week (almost) under the belt.

Thank you for the new thread! Adding to roll call

@Melpops36, 38, EDD 5/12/19
@Beaglemum93, 26, EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81, 38, EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue, 37, EDD 03/01/20
@Laney79, 40, EDD 06/01/20
@Bluebelltulip, 29, EDD 09/01/20
@KnitKitty, 31, EDD 29/01/20
@Newbie21, 38, EDD 06/02/20
@InDreamland, 39, EDD 18/02/20
@Tina363,29, EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer, 29, EDD 28/02/20
@Squiff70, 37, EDD end of February (no exact date with twins)
@Strawberry, 28, EDD 08/03/20
@Ginmonkey84, 34, EDD 16/03/20
@DuvetCaterpillar, 34, EDD 27/03/2020
@ChikiTIKI , 29, EDD 04/04/2020
@Navy123, 29, EDD 10/04/20
@Janey15, 34, EDD 13/04/20
@TinyPaws, 22, EDD 19/04/20
@Flyfisherlady, 37, Edd 24/04/20
@FirstTimeMama91, 28, EDD 06/05/2020
@TwittleBee , 25, EDD 25/06/20

@strawberrye what a lovely scan photo! Glad to hear everything is good.

I don't yet feel comfortable adding myself to the roll call before my 12 week scan but hopefully I will be able to in a few weeks.

a little update since I think it's been a good week since I posted:
I am almost over the cold my dd gifted me last week, and I kinda wish my nose would be stuffed still because it actually helped to not be able to smell anything!

Regarding sickness pills, I have been taking my anti sickness meds on and off, trying to only take one when I feel very horrible. I think this tactic has been backfiring on me so this week I will just take it as prescribed and hope it makes me feel a little better all the time instead of having some horrible days and some ok days. Then on the weekend I'll try to lay off them again and see if I am better yet on my own (will be 10 weeks then).

Had my booking in appointment yesterday, eagerly waiting for Thursday to hear if bloods came back ok or not as I have been looking very pale and feeling dizzy this week. The midwife had a record on her computer about my miscarriage, but it basically just said I had one? She had to ask me when did it happen and if they gave me any reasons etc. I thought that was quite strange..shouldn't they just have those few details on there if they recorded the miscarriage.

Now to wait for my 12 week scan letter and hope they didn't book me in too late. I explained to the midwife that I ovulated really early and am actually a week ahead (99% sure) and I am worried about having it too late. She said she can't do anything about the scan date and it just goes off lmp, but if I get it and it's too late to ring and say it's not a good day and ask to have it earlier. So currently I am just hoping they schedule it for early on in week 12 according to lmp so I don't have to ring because I hate speaking to people on the phone 🙈. I just want to have it done at the correct time so I can trust it more.

@Twitwooo I had mine at 13 weeks and 2 days. My fault as l left booking appt late. I wouldn't be worried about having it a week late. It won't make any difference to dating etc.

@strawberrye excellent news about the scan. How are you feeling? Is it a relief.

After a worrying week of very little movement when I wasn't sure if I was imagining it or not, I have had movements for the last few days. So I guess if it happens again, I need to just trust that baby has moved and its still early days so most likely nothing!

@sadtoday21 hope it went okay yesterday. I am feeling positive that it did. X

Thanks for the new thread @InDreamland and many thanks to @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue @TwittleBee @Bluebelltulip @InDreamland @coconutlattee44 @rubyroot @janey15 @Beaglemum93 and anyone else I have missed for all of your lovely well wishes before my scan yesterday!

The good news: saw baby boy again, measuring 19+4 and all looking good so far which is a huge relief. Hb seemed strong and all the organs looked to be in the right place, from what I could tell. He was wriggling a bit, but I couldn't feel a thing. Still, I'm so relieved that my worst fears were not confirmed yesterday and just hope that he is growing big and strong.

Unfortunately, the sonographer was really abrasive and terrible at her job. She carried out the scan in the same room as my MMC at 12 weeks and when I told her this she just looked at me and said nothing. She didn't explain anything she was doing and wouldn't answer any of my questions either. And she never showed me the baby at all except for once, but the the screen was so tiny and grainy I couldn't see anything. I was so disappointed because both my 12 and 16 week scans were really clear and I saw so much of the baby and it was amazing. It made all the anxiety and fears worth it. I thought the 20 week scan would be even more amazing detail since he's grown so much, but sadly I could barely even see the baby and left feeling not reassured at all.

The sonographer declined to comment on the lack of movement and even refused to print off a photo since we hadn't brought 10 pounds in cash! Eventually we got some cash and bought it, but she took such a careless, horrible photo that you can't even see anything - both the 12 and 16 week photos are much clearer. She clearly could have cared less and just wanted to get the scan over as quickly as possible in about 15 minutes.

The 20 week scan was nothing like I was expecting and not at all as reassuring as my 12 and 16 week scans. I just wanted to know that baby was ok and all the organs were normal, but the sonographer couldn't even be bothered to tell me that! She let me worry until the very end and then when I insisted she said "its normal" and refused to say anything more.

I think we will go and get a private scan next weekend. We can't really afford it, but I just really want to see the baby and have more peace of mind. I just need to see him so I can relax.

Sorry for the selfish and long post, will catch up on the thread later today. Hope everyone else is well!

@strawberrye I'm so happy that your scan went well and your baby girl is adorable! Lovely scan photos. Have you told everyone now or are there other people you will tell now this scan is finished? Did you get booked in for your 36 week scan and will you have any in between? Hope you are starting to feel stronger movements now Xxx

Can I ask what your sonographer checked exactly and how the process was for you? I just want to be sure mine did check everything - it was all so rushed and she didn't explain anything. I can't decipher my notes at all either :(.

What a wanker @sadtoday21 unfortunately I guess you got the twatty one. I'm really sorry and it really is not what you bloody need.

I'm having an anomaly privately first before my NHS with a consultant, it's costing me 140 and for me it is well worth the reassurance as she knows I'm anxious and talks me through absolutely everything. Is that something you could do. I know mothercare offer anomaly scans (through babybind) too and they're pretty cheap if you have a mothercare nearby. I was a bit when I had my 16 week one as I think I imagined an inexperienced sonographer. But she was from the local hospital doing a bit if private work.

My first anomaly scan was with one of my boyfriends mates from school, so he was really good too. Though he was in training so I still had the extra private anomaly scan. It's something I feel I'm happy to pay for the extra reassurance.

Sorry I just read the end where you said you'll get a private scan. It'll be well worth it for the reassurance it'll give you. Even if you have to eat beans on toast for a week or so. Just keep up the pregnancy vits.

Whereabouts are you @sadtoday21 you don't happen to be anywhere near Leeds do you?

Thanks @rubyroot, sorry to hear that you also had a bad previous experience, but good to know I'm not the only one! All my other NHS scans have been absolutely great, so I know this is an anomaly (pun intended). The thing is, the anomaly scan at the private clinic near us is 180 pounds, which really does seem prohibitively expensive on a student budget. They have quick, 10 minute well-being checks for only 40 pounds, so I think that is what we will do and hopefully trust the other sonographer did her job well but just didn't have the right bedside manner. I am worried though and wish I could see the anatomy in greater detail. What do you think? It will be great just to see baby's face again, since I still can't feel him moving.

When is your 20 week scan? Coming up I think, right?

My anomaly was fine last time and the only real bad experience I had was with a private scan at 8 weeks with current pregnancy. She told me that I wasn't a good candidate for a scan given my history. 🙄I didn't use her again.
If you can't afford it then you can't afford it, can't we do a go fund me and all the ladies on here raise money for your scan?

Personally though, given your anxiety throughout I think you need the reassurance

Thanks @InDreamland for the new thread. Adding myself to the role call:

Thank you for the new thread! Adding to roll call

@Melpops36, 38, EDD 5/12/19
@Beaglemum93, 26, EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81, 38, EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue, 37, EDD 03/01/20
@Laney79, 40, EDD 06/01/20
@Bluebelltulip, 29, EDD 09/01/20
@KnitKitty, 31, EDD 29/01/20
@Newbie21, 38, EDD 06/02/20
@InDreamland, 39, EDD 18/02/20
@Tina363,29, EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer, 29, EDD 28/02/20
@Squiff70, 37, EDD end of February (no exact date with twins)
@Strawberry, 28, EDD 08/03/20
@Ginmonkey84, 34, EDD 16/03/20
@DuvetCaterpillar, 34, EDD 27/03/2020
@ChikiTIKI , 29, EDD 04/04/2020
@Navy123, 29, EDD 10/04/20
@Janey15, 34, EDD 13/04/20
@TinyPaws, 22, EDD 19/04/20
@Flyfisherlady, 37, Edd 24/04/20
@Dimblebimble, 29, EDD 29/4/20
@FirstTimeMama91, 28, EDD 06/05/2020
@TwittleBee , 25, EDD 25/06/20

Hey guys..

Will be trying again I think! Second MMC this year and struggling..

I'll join you anyway xx

I have put this is the other thread but since you've moved over I'll add it to this..

This is for those struggling with low egg or/and sperm quality.. supposed to be the wonder drug and often suggested to take by the fertility clinics for both you and them.

natural-fertility-info.com/antioxidant-ubiquinol.html

Good luck all 💖

Going to start taking ours tonight after tea xx let's see if it works xx

We don't have trouble getting pregnant, i have trouble keeping pregnancy. I'm 40 and had two boys in my prime with no complications at all. I know it's my egg quality 😞 I wish I didn't start this journey for my last little pumpkin but now I have I just can't get it out of my head. It's a yearning.. the first time this year I got pregnant second month of trying, such happy news, I continued on without a worry in the world and then devastated at finding MMC at scan. Such a shock, such a horrible empty limbo feeling of failure and grief. Second time took 3 months of trying and I admit I never got my hopes up, I didn't want to talk baby and rejected my partners sweet little 'how my little bean doing' I felt like a fraud, sadly I was right even after seeing little heartbeat at 6 weeks, baby had died the week after.

How'd you cope with this. I mean the fear of it all.. it's not like it's the ends after you find out, there's all the time you wait and then the horrendous miscarriage itself.

Sorry I wasn't intending to write all that and I don't want to stress anyone else out.

Do I try again?

Thank you for the new thread! Adding to roll call and then will go and catch up (spotted a scan pic scrolling through...!)

@Melpops36, 38, EDD 5/12/19
@Beaglemum93, 26, EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81, 38, EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue, 37, EDD 03/01/20
@Laney79, 40, EDD 06/01/20
@Bluebelltulip, 29, EDD 09/01/20
@KnitKitty, 31, EDD 29/01/20
@Newbie21, 38, EDD 06/02/20
@InDreamland, 39, EDD 18/02/20
@Tina363,29, EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer, 29, EDD 28/02/20
@Squiff70, 37, EDD end of February (no exact date with twins)
@Strawberry, 28, EDD 08/03/20
@Ginmonkey84, 34, EDD 16/03/20
@DuvetCaterpillar, 34, EDD 27/03/2020
@ChikiTIKI , 29, EDD 04/04/2020
@Navy123, 29, EDD 10/04/20
@Janey15, 34, EDD 13/04/20
@TinyPaws, 22, EDD 19/04/20
@Flyfisherlady, 37, Edd 24/04/20
@Dimblebimble, 29, EDD 29/4/20
@FirstTimeMama91, 28, EDD 06/05/2020
@SunshineCrocodile, 37, EDD 4/6/2020
@TwittleBee* , 25, EDD 25/06/20

@Jojowash I'm so sorry to hear of your losses, MC is so cruel and I know everyone here can empathise. Just to let you know though that this thread is for posters who were previously in the TTC after loss thread, who are currently pregnant with their rainbows. I think the TTC thread is still going strong on the conception board, can't link I'm afraid as on my phone.

Best of luck to you whatever you decide - if you do keep trying I hope to see you back here with your rainbow on board soon xxx

@strawberrye lovely scan photos and so pleased to hear it was all good news!

@sadtoday21 some people don't deserve to be HCPs. Honestly I find the way you were treated pretty unforgivable, I know they have limited time per slot but that is never an excuse for leaving a vulnerable patient feeling upset and worried. What a bitch. I'm really sorry you've ended up feeling you don't even know what was seen and like you need another scan for reassurance. FWIW I may be able to help interpret your notes, if you want to feel free to pm me a photo.

@ChikiTIKI hope your appointment was ok in the end and that you heard a heartbeat.

@SunshineCrocodile

Ah I see.. wrong group for me then