The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread#5 - 🐧 The Penguin Huddle 🐧

[InDreamland]

This is a safe space and supportive thread for anyone who is pregnant following a loss. We all understand the worry and anxiety that can come from being pregnant again following miscarriage/stillbirth.

Please feel free to join, even if you were not on the TTC thread.

Starting the roll call copied from the last thread (please feel free to add your name or amend if due dates have changed following 12 week scans or booking in c-secs):

@Melpops36, 38, EDD 5/12/19
@Beaglemum93, 26, EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81, 38, EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue, 37, EDD 03/01/20
@Laney79, 40, EDD 06/01/20
@Bluebelltulip, 29, EDD 09/01/20
@KnitKitty, 31, EDD 29/01/20
@Newbie21, 38, EDD 06/02/20
@InDreamland, 39, EDD 18/02/20
@Tina363,29, EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer, 29, EDD 28/02/20
@Squiff70, 37, EDD end of February (no exact date with twins)
@Strawberry, 28, EDD 08/03/20
@Ginmonkey84, 34, EDD 16/03/20
@DuvetCaterpillar, 34, EDD 27/03/2020
@Navy123, 29, EDD 10/04/20
@Janey15, 34, EDD 16/04/20
@TinyPaws, 22, EDD 19/04/20
@Flyfisherlady, 37, Edd 24/04/20
@FirstTimeMama91, 28, EDD 06/05/2020

Also tagging @boboelephant and @Yukka just to hope they can pop on and update on their rainbows.

Sorry to anyone I've missed 🐧

@sadtoday21 the whooshing noises and colourful highlights on screen sound like Dopplers - she was checking the blood flow across the placenta and to and from the baby. Also checking that there were the usual vessels in the cord. If she didn't flag anything up there I would assume blood flow and cord were all totally normal. Most likely with the head measurements she was checking head circumference and making sure the skull and brain were there and developing normally (ruling out anencephaly) and that there wasn't excessive fluid (small areas of fluid are normal but she'd need to measure them to make sure they fell within range). Again this is something she would definitely have flagged had she found anything unusual.

I'm 8 weeks today, thanks for asking. This week and next are the ones I've been dreading as I've lost two babies at 8/9 weeks, although haven't found out until later on. If it's over I wish it would just be over, I can't bear the thought of getting to 11 weeks again just to find out things stopped weeks ago. Trying to grit my teeth to get through two more weeks before a scan but honestly I feel like I'm just waiting for the inevitable.

Congratulations on your scan @strawberrye.

@Twitwooo Notes in the NHS don't seem to be as joined up as they should be or as easily accessible. At my booking in appointment I had to give my midwife all the details of DD2's pregnancy and death as although she was aware of it (had the same community midwife in all three pregnancies) she couldn't simply transfer the information into the booking in form. I also get asked repeatedly by my consultant what DD1's birth weight and gestation is, as she has to exit this pregnancy on the computer to enter DD1's notes and it's easier and quicker to ask me. I hope your 12 week scan comes through for when you want it, I had to change mine and it wasn't an issue.

@sadtoday21 glad all was well at your scan but sorry the sonographer was so poor.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue sorry to hear that you are feeling anxious again I hope time passes quickly for you until your scan next week.

@Knitkitty glad your growth scan went well and seems you have a fairly comprehensive plan in place, try to rest as much as you can.

@Laney79 good luck today.

@janey15 thank you, it did subside buy lunch time. There are so many things that can cause pain in pregnancy, i hope physio helps as most things are stretching pains etc. My DH's birthday is the day I turn 37 weeks and he has already said to bump that he doesn't mind sharing if they feel like coming a bit early, I don't think it's very likely though.

I promise I will catch up on all messages later.

Sorry for selfish post but have no one to tell! Just phones for harmony results and they are all low risk! Still got nuchal scan (x2) next week but I just wanted to get it off my chest, few like I could cry with relief right now. Excellent service from FMC as I only had the test a week ago today

Good afternoon ladies,
I hope you don't mind me jumping in on this conversation, I found you guys a while ago when I was going through my mc in July and found your positive vibes and useful friendly advice very helpful. Sorry makes me sound like a bit of a stalker but you ladies have inspired me throughout the hard times. I've never posted to mn before, so here goes...
I'm 32 ttc since Dec 18 mc at 6 weeks discovered at 7 weeks. Bfp in Aug this year now currently 15 + 3 all was ok on first scan at 12 weeks... Oh remarked how weird it was that I have two hearts beating inside of me... Fingers crossed it carries on that way. Due 12/4/20. Anxiety through the roof and feel I have no one to confide in as my partner suffers from severe depression and anxiety and don't want to send him into a downward spiral.

Hope everyone is having a good day. And a big fat hello to you all xxx

Welcome @Lozzak87 and congratulations! You're in the right place for being pregnant and anxious 😂 You're exactly 1 day ahead of me and the same EDD as catconfusion!
Have you got long to wait until your 16 week appointment?

Congratulations @Kayjay2018 what a relief!

@SunshineCrocodile I'll be thinking of you over the next couple of weeks. Are you going to wait for 12 weeks or have an early scan?

@Catconfusion I completely agree. I'm still putting off telling people but find it far easier to talk to strangers on the internet!

@janey15 I'm also putting off telling people until my 20 week scan.. And they're being awfully polite 😂. You might find people know but just aren't saying anything. I thought I was hiding it first pregnancy, bumped into some if partners friends. Was really pleased with myself that they hadn't noticed. Until boyfriend saud they'd text him with congratulations messages.

Thanks @janey15 i can't quite believe I'm at this point now still absolutely terrified, at my 12 week scan I couldn't look at the screen until my partner poked me and told me to look!! My 16 week appointment is next week don't really know what to expect at this one as I didn't make it this far with my last pregnancy. Thanks for the warm welcome. Lovely to hear from you and to know we are due around the same time xxx

Hi Lozzak87 sorry didn't say welcome there, but ignorant. 😳Sorry. 16 week appt urine and blood test. They might listen to heartbeat if you ask. I didn't as my midwife was an arse hole. I've changed now, thank god!

@SunshineCrocodile sorry you're at that stage of when you lost the last 2. Its awful isn't it. I remember that feeling and getting to certain points when I lost one then the other. Also remember the relief passing those points with healthy scans. Really hope you cam get through the next couple of weeks and then feel more confident about your rainbow. Stay strong! And come here to sound off if you need support.

@Kayjay2018 yay! Great news! Glad you are feeling that relief! The FMC are good, I also had a fab experience with them.

@Lozzak87 welcome to the Huddle! And congratulations on your pregnancy! Please feel free to add yourself to the roll call (if you feel confident to, don't feel you have to). Hope you're here for the long haul and wishing you a happy healthy and uneventful pregnancy!

@rubyroot is that your latest bump pic? You want to hide your pregnancy? 🤣 people are too polite to say anything I found. Only one person had the nerve to ask me at 14 weeks! Many colleagues apparently thought I was (rather than just fat/put on weight) ..........and were asking each other until I stopped removing my baby on board badge at 18 weeks before I got to the office.

I am feeling a lot more sick suddenly now I am at 16 weeks. Did anyone else get this? I am happy as this happened with DD however also feeling a bit sorry for myself, had to get off the bus this morning to be sick.

@InDreamland I've given up trying to hide it now. But equally I haven't been saying anything to people I know. They just chat away, avoid looking at my bump and are super polite. 😂

Hi ladies and thanks for making a new thread @InDreamland

I felt one (or both?!) of our babies moving about last night at 18+2, then again this morning. I didn't really feel our previous twins (lost at 19 weeks) moving about so I'm finding their little movements very reassuring.

Glad you see you're all doing so well! I'm reading but not posting much as my anxiety levels are through the roof at times, sorry.

Evening everyone 💞 thanks @InDreamland for the new thread.

Just checking in really - 21+5 here and a very wriggly little lady. Got a big baby bump and feeling loads of movement so just really happy this week 😊

That's great @Frillyfarmer !! 😍😀 xxxx

@janey15 this one will be number 2, DS is nearly 16 eek and this one is currently due on the day of his first GCSE exam. Not sure how he will take the news, he has a half sister in his dads side but he's been my only child for so long, plus it means I must still 'do it' which I'm sure is a disgusting thought at his age. My tummy is definitely more bloat than bump as it gets increasingly bigger during the day and is miraculously gone again in the morning!
@sadtoday21 I have 2 12 week scans, my nhs one on Halloween and second FMC scan on 2nd so not long to wait. If all's ok then we will tell my son, our parents and then work. I think with the baby, there is more tummy to start with than when I had my son so any change in size is more exaggerated.
@ChikiTIKI glad you got to hear the HB at you appt, my 16 week one is booked for end November and that feels ages away. Not sure what the policy is around listening to HB around my area. And as for sickness at 16 weeks - I've been looking forward to losing the nausea - eek maybe it never goes away!
@KnitKitty sounds like you are being well looked after, I've experienced both steroid injections (my son is quite healthy so no lasting effects) and a 24 hr ecg and they are both a walk in the park compared to pregnancy anxiety. It's good you have a plan and are not being dismissed.
@Twitwooo I was the same as you, didn't want an internal scan, luckily they could see little one clearly at my 7 week scan abdominally and because of that they did the 10 week one the same way. These early weeks are just so very stressful aren't they.
@InDreamland I've resorted to baggy tops this week as DH has made me conscious people will ask. I'd be surprised is me eating ginger nuts and dry crackers (discreetly) and running to the bathroom every half hour has gone unnoticed though.
@SunshineCrocodile everyone here is behind you and has been through the same thing. Time really drags when you are reaching these weeks that have sad meanings. If you ever need to vent then please do.
@Lozzak87 this group are amazing for support and handholding, welcome . I've commented to DH that I feel like Dr Who with the two heartbeats but it was completely lost on him (or maybe it reminded him of the fact my mum has told him I had an imaginary friend named after Dr Who as a child and has freaked home out)
@Squiff70 yay for the movements, I'd love to be able to feel this one moving around. I remember DS and his kicks and elbows and he was forever getting hiccups which made my whole belly shake!
@Frillyfarmer great news, glad all is well and you are in a good place.

Phew - lots of updates from everyone. Have written this reply twice but feeling so laid back after reflexology that I've closed the app and deleted it!

Thanks everyone for the welcome.
@rubyroot thanks for the info on the 16 week check my midwife seems OK we live in a small village so I know I will be seeing her again. She was really sensitive to me at my second booking in appointment, even though I nearly threw up over her!! Your bump is so cute, I don't think I'm ever going to have a bump I'm a larger girl so I just look a bit bloated all the time!!

@InDreamland I have no idea how to add myself to the roll call like I said this is the first time posting on any thread! It's all so new to me.

I can't wait to feel my little one wriggling about inside me although the thought of it freaks me out a bit, my mum said its an amazing feeling.
I'm back at work tomorrow after two weeks annual leave, not looking forward to it as I work 12 hour shifts and will be on my feet all day, travelling down to London to stay until Monday morning, I'm finding it harder and harder as the weeks go on, but trying not to complain about how exhausted I feel because I know how precious this time is and how I didn't make it this far last time, and also very aware that so many women would give anything to be feeling these symptoms.

A little question for you all, I have been experiencing frequent urination and know that is entirely fine and normal but just today I'm peeing so often and only peeing very small amounts. Like a Uti but without any of the stinging/burning I know I'm well hydrated as one of my cravings is for sparkling water (I just can't get enough of it). Has anyone experienced this or should I get checked out for a uti? X

@rubyroot I don't think people would be too polite to mention it where I work! Having said that I've been all over the place with the fertility treatment over the last few years with my weight, bloating and emotions so I think they're used to me being weird! If anything the fact that I haven't cried this term and the fact that I've given up healthy eating are more likely to give me away!
I wore a loose dress today as we had a friend's dad in doing some decorating and thought it hid things quite well until DH came home and said 'you're looking really pregnant'

@Kayjay2018 my tummy is definitely still there in the morning!

@Squiff70 how amazing you are feeling movement!

@ChikiTIKI I hope you feel better soon. I told my mum I am still feeling sick and she said she was the same with me

Had my pregnancy massage this evening. My muscles feel less sore but it wasn't the most relaxing experience as I was facing upwards on a kind of heated water mattress and the lady was very chatty! Plus I really needed a wee! Still if I wake up feeling less sore tomorrow it will be worth it!

@Lozzak87 I experienced what you talk about in mforst pregnancy, but a I can't remember when exactky
Sometimes I needed to lean forward to get the rest of the wee out. 😂
They say to get checked out for utis in case, but I just went with what I thought and I knew it didn't feel like a uti.

Thanks @rubyroot I'm pretty sure it's not a uti, I've had them before and they hurt, and I'm rocking backwards and forwards on the loo like a mad woman! My partner just keeps telling me to stop being paranoid and it's because I've got a baby pushing up against my bladder. I think if I start getting pain then I will get checked dout, my midwife appointment is in a week anyway. Thanks for the advice xx

@Lozzak87 I've been getting weird uti like symptoms but they come and go. I got checked for a uti a few weeks ago so I'm just going to wait to see the midwife next week. I've also got pain sort of low down in my pelvis but no idea if it's uti, endometriosis or just pregnancy?!?
Also don't worry about moaning - you're in a safe place for that! I am someone who thought I'd never get to experience pregnancy and used to get very upset when pregnant women complained to me as I was desperate to have what they had. Now I can moan and still feel incredibly grateful
I can add you to the roll call if you like, let me know if you want to include your age xx

@Twitwooo I understand your worry chicken, but I think it is "just" worry; if that helps to hear? (Sometimes I don't know if I'm worrying for a genuine reason or not and it helps if someone tells me I'm being anxious.) If you think about it, whether you're 12 or 14 weeks your measurements can be off, so they must scan ladies at 14 weeks who are actually further along.
I can understand not wanting the internals either, they can be worrisome. I've actually had so many internals I've lost count with this pregnancy... I think it's about 7 (and it's the first pregnancy that I've had no bleeding). It is normal to feel a bit sore afterwards (crampy), and that can be really unnerving, so I absolutely understand not wanting to go through that.

@Laney79 Lovely to see you drop by. I've been assuming that no news is good news. Sorry things are a bit anxious at work, but really pleased to hear baby is doing well.

@SunshineCrocodile Getting past that personal milestone is a really tough time. We're here for hand-holds. Stay strong.

@Kayjay2018 Brilliant news on the harmony test results.

@LozzaK87 Welcome aboard! A big fat hello to you too! I wonder how many other stalkers we have?
I'm sorry for your loss. Getting pregnant again so quickly after is a mixed blessing I think, because you've not had much time to mentally heal from it before being thrown into the anxiety of the next pregnancy. Really glad to hear things are going well though! It is very surreal knowing you have a little human with a beating heart in there. I was quite blown away by it at my dating scan.
What blows my mind even more is my baby girl now has all the eggs in her which might one day be my grandbabies... How's that for trippy?!
The frequent urination is probably just that you're not fully emptying each time because of where baby is sitting. Try leaning forwards when you pee to see if it helps. Or it could just be that baby is irritating your bladder more by sitting on it and making you think you need the loo when you don't. Sometimes when I'm walking around it feels like I need to pee, and then if I sit or lie down the feeling goes away. So long as there's no pain I don't think you should be worried.

Well I was asleep in bed by 8 o'clock last night ladies... I was a bit worried I'd be wide awake in the night; but apart from a couple of toilet trips I slept right through. Actually amazed myself. Feeling very alert this morning! Was getting those thuddy heart palpitations again yesterday so thought I'd follow doctor's orders and get a really good night. I've had them a tiny bit this morning but far less pronounced, so this might have to be a regular night-time routine now.
Hope you all have a good day.

@rubyroot bless you trying to hide that bump!!! I'm glad people are being polite about it though. I had to fess-up at 13 weeks because my bump was already starting to show. One person at work had already guessed but hadn't said anything, but aparently she had noticed around 9 weeks!! So I think she would have mentioned something if I hadn't told her when I did. I think she thought I was further along than I was. I think it popped out quite early because my womb is a weird shape.

@ChikiTIKI Not had sickness that late on myself, but I've heard it's quite common. It's around the time the placenta fully takes over so I'm wondering if it's something to do with that and your body adjusting to the different management. Rest lots and try to get lots of fluid in you!

@Squiff70 Oh how lovely that you've felt some movement! It is really reassuring when you do. Remember that this early on the movements might not be very regular. You'll soon be feeling them more and more from now on though.
Keep taking each day at a time. Stay strong xxx

@Frillyfarmer glad to know you and baby girl are doing really well.

@Kayjay2018 Thanks hun. Did you have an ECG during pregnancy?
Love the fact you were so relaxed you closed the app! Haha!!

Morning folks! Been a bit absent for a while but thank you for the new thread!
34 weeks now, feeling huge and uncomfortable. Just been told I am GBS positive so slightly stressed. Need antibiotics 4 hourly in labour but I’ve yet to have a labour last that long!!
Glad to see so many positive scans! Will have a proper read and catch up soon x

@KnitKitty I didn't have the ECG whilst pregnant, as it was a few years ago now. I went from a normal resting heart rate to over 100 with palpitations and couldn't sleep at night as all I could hear was my pulse in my ear. GP did ECG and showed nothing but I went private and got an appointment for a 24hr mobile one. The day before that appointment I had a massive vent at the person at work who, in hindsight, had been bullying me for months. Fitbit showed normal heart rate next day and ECG was fine. Stress can do so much to your body.

I'd recommend pregnancy reflexology to anyone. Apparently my shoulders and back were tight so she worked on that and my slowed down digestion is causing discomfort (tmi) and she worked on that too. I floated out of there, stomach issues have been resolved and I feel great. Maybe treat yourself and see if that helps with the palpitations 😀 your body is working for two at the moment so extra sleep is vital (I fell asleep at 7 Tuesday night - eek)

Morning @Melpops36 - glad to hear you are progressing well, GD aside. Good luck with getting those antibiotics in you asap when labour begins!

@KnitKitty hahaha yes I always think that is super trippy about the eggs! Like, we were all inside our grandmothers!

@Kayjay2018 thanks for the tip on reflexology - I will certainly be booking myself in later on!

I seem to be avoiding MS apart from when running so hoping I can continue avoiding it - had it terribly last time.

2 weeks till our 1st scan, come on!

@TwittleBee make sure you get a reflexologist who does pregnancy reflexology as there are some areas of the feet that they shouldn't work on when pregnant so she avoids those. I've been having it since I had my MC, I love it