The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread#5 - 🐧 The Penguin Huddle 🐧

[InDreamland]

This is a safe space and supportive thread for anyone who is pregnant following a loss. We all understand the worry and anxiety that can come from being pregnant again following miscarriage/stillbirth.

Please feel free to join, even if you were not on the TTC thread.

Starting the roll call copied from the last thread (please feel free to add your name or amend if due dates have changed following 12 week scans or booking in c-secs):

@Melpops36, 38, EDD 5/12/19
@Beaglemum93, 26, EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81, 38, EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue, 37, EDD 03/01/20
@Laney79, 40, EDD 06/01/20
@Bluebelltulip, 29, EDD 09/01/20
@KnitKitty, 31, EDD 29/01/20
@Newbie21, 38, EDD 06/02/20
@InDreamland, 39, EDD 18/02/20
@Tina363,29, EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer, 29, EDD 28/02/20
@Squiff70, 37, EDD end of February (no exact date with twins)
@Strawberry, 28, EDD 08/03/20
@Ginmonkey84, 34, EDD 16/03/20
@DuvetCaterpillar, 34, EDD 27/03/2020
@Navy123, 29, EDD 10/04/20
@Janey15, 34, EDD 16/04/20
@TinyPaws, 22, EDD 19/04/20
@Flyfisherlady, 37, Edd 24/04/20
@FirstTimeMama91, 28, EDD 06/05/2020

Also tagging @boboelephant and @Yukka just to hope they can pop on and update on their rainbows.

Sorry to anyone I've missed 🐧

@ChikiTIKI sorry you're feeling sick again but also good that it is a good sign things are all healthy. Some ladies get morning sickness through their entire pregnancy and others are luckier and it subsides after 1st trimester. My nausea was awful in 1st tri but it started to subside and go at around 15 weeks. Only occasionally do I feel nauseous now, mainly when travelling on the tube. Hope you're feeling better today.

@rubyroot it is funny when people blatantly are looking at your belly and being too polite to ask. I noticed a couple of colleagues doing it to me and it was amusing. Not long now though until your 20w scan.

@Squiff70 yay for movements! Sorry you're still really anxious, think we can all empathise. I've not felt any movements this morning yet and so worried now. Did have some last night though so hoping Bubsy is just sleeping.

@Frillyfarmer great you're getting a lot of movements! So lovely to hear you feeling positive.

@Kayjay2018 you'll probably get the people being polite and not asking or saying anything when they do notice.

@Lozzak87 you can just copy and paste the post of the last person to update their details on the roll call then add yourself in. I found I needed to pee a lot more in first tri, thankfully as baby moves up in second tri there is slightly less pressure on the bladder until baby grows and you then need to pee more again.

@janey15 hope the massage has helped!

@KnitKitty good to hear you're well rested. I need more sleep but life is just too busy.

@Melpops36 lovely to hear from you! Not long to go now! Are you excited? All ready and packed?

Not much really to update as I feel like all I do is post about my anxiety on here. Nothing there has changed. Am 23+2 today........... is 24 weeks considered viable or 26? I can't remember. Feel like every week is an achievement but so scared this won't happen still. I need to tell work in the next couple of days which date I want to start maternity leave but my head is still just not in that space and scared that as soon as I give a date I'll jinx it. I've no idea what date to give as I've never got to this stage.

@Kayjay2018 ah yes of course, likewise with messages too isnt it! Thank you, maybe I'll see if my family member still does reflexology...

@InDreamland - pretty sure I speak for everyone when I say this, we do not mind hearing about your anxities - we all have them on here which is why this thread partially exists I guess! 24 weeks is viability in the UK I believe, although I did watch this video the other day about a 23 weeker that survived... It is hard though for me to talk about viability because even past that they can die - like with my son.

Welcome @Lozzak87 ! I wee frequently, sometimes only a little sometimes a bit more. I think it's just one of these things. Had my urine checked this week and fine!

@Kayjay2018 that is one thing I am thinking about, if I go private at or after 10 weeks I might get away with abdominal! But then it'll only be two weeks for the nhs scan and knowing me I'll tell myself to wait for it.

Thanks @KnitKitty - I am definitely just being anxious, I know and can tell myself it's basically all in my head but that doesn't seem to change the way it makes me feel about it hehe. I'm not concerned about dating accuracy but rather about the trisomy screening as the cut off for that is 14 weeks and the blood test after that is not as accurate.
I had my appointment letter through yesterday and just as I feared they've scheduled it for the Friday of the 12th week which is 12+5 from lmp so 13+5 from my calculations. But I rang and asked to move it to Tuesday (so 12/13+2) with no issues at all! Crisis averted :) 19/11, counting down the days...

Been waking up at 5am for the past three days, really wish I'd stop doing that because I don't need the days to feel any longer than they already are 😂

@Twitwooo it's all personal choice really, I decided to get one early on as I wanted to know as soon as possible if something was wrong and the 10week one was a bonus of the harmony test. It was included in the package as they need to make sure baby is a certain size as it's only at that size that the dna moves into the mother's blood stream. I also get 2 12 week scans as the harmony test came with a nuchal scan as well as my nhs one.

Thanks @SunshineCrocodile for that very helpful explanation! I really hope you can manage the anxiety as you get through these difficult milestones, I know how hard it can be. My anxiety was definitely highest around the time of my previous loss. Just remember that this is an entirely new pregnancy and history won't repeat itself. More than likely all will be well and baby will be here before you know it! Thinking of you Xxx.

Thanks also @Bluebelltulip and @InDreamland for your support! I hope you are both doing as well as possible and managing to keep anxiety at bay. @Bluebelltulip I'm sorry the anxiety has returned, but hope all is well and you can find the positive pants again!

@InDreamland are you starting to feel more movement now that you have reached 23 weeks? Don't worry at all about talking about anxiety on here, this is all I have felt for the past 20 weeks and I totally understand where you are coming from - the anxiety is relentless and its starting to really impact my mental health too to be constantly under so much stress :(.

Welcome @Lozzak87!

Well ladies I am officially 20 weeks today, cannot believe I am half-way there! I still haven't felt much movement at all, nothing beyond an occasional bubbling in the last two days at night. I know its normal given anterior placenta and all, but I am so desperate for movement at this point to know baby boy is ok in there. Thinking of going for a private scan on Saturday as it is really starting to affect my mental health.

Morning everyone. I'm really struggling with drowsiness this week which is annoying as it's half term for me. I think it's because I had a 3 day break from the tablets so now my body has to get used to them again

Also, my new worry today's that I'm not sure my 'bump' looks as big so scaring myself with thoughts that something is going wrong Although I am feeling generally a bit fat so maybe it's being hidden a bit.

It's so annoying!

Welcome @Lozzak87.

@Kayjay2018 congratulations on your results. I had daily ECG's at one point last pregnancy and have had them in this one and my first as well. My heart rate seems to go fast in pregnancy, no other cause has been found so I've now got to follow it up after this pregnancy incase it's not pregnancy related. Mine goes over 120 at points but I don't feel any palpations.

@ChikTIKI my nausea has come and gone at points in all my pregnancies.

I've had a midwife appointment today, baby's heart rate is still normal! Bump measuring big (32cm at 29 weeks) although baby small which matches previous pregnancies too. My ferratin is low so now got iron tablets. Seeing midwife weekly atm for reassurance.

Hi ladies, hope you don't mind me joining. I have had 3 early miscarriages and one stillbirth. I also have 2 sons that I raise and according to a scan I had on Monday I'm 9 weeks +4 days today. Not to sure I trust it. I also have type 1 diabetes. I have an appointment with an obstetrician tomorrow, but I have no idea why. Can anyone guess why I need to see an obstetrician so early? Ds2 who was stillborn, died when I was 35 +2 after an induction he was born sleeping when he would have been 36 weeks. It is to early to discuss birth options right? Feeling unprepared for an obstetrician appointment. I know I told my midwife I would like to attempt a vba2c if it is possible and safe. If it not safe, then I won't push for it.

@Lozzak87 I have extroverted uterus, which presses on my bladder so I visit the toilet frequently. Do you have one to?

Welcome @Nownotokay sorry about your losses. I've been seeing the consultant since quite early this pregnancy after my DD2 was stillborn, not discussed birth with them yet (I'm 29 weeks) but they have been doing extra checks and reassurance.

Sorry @Notnowokay.

@Bluebelltulip thank you for the warm welcome. I been hoping it was an appointment that was made by mistake and I would be sent home asap. I am not ready to discuss birth options. It is far to early, so much could happen before it. If I have to have another c-section I would rather be given the date last minute.

@Notnowokay as I said mine hasn't mentioned anything about birth yet but wants to keep an eye on me. I'm starting to think that I need to talk about it soonish though. Do you have a bereavement midwife that might be able to give you more information about the appointment? Or even ring the secretary? My community midwife apologised for having to ask me about breast feeding today as I said I can't think about that in to much detail yet.

@Bluebelltulip sorry I don't know how I missed that. I haven't seen a bereavement midwife in a long time now. My ds2 was stillborn and then I had another son. I don't remember having seen an obstetrician so early last pregnancy, but I'm at another hospital now. Maybe they handle things differently or it is hopeful a mistake. I regret not just cancelling it when it arrived through the post, but then I would worry I cancelled a very important appointment.

@Notnowokay maybe it's to discuss how this hospital does things and to make sure that they have all your history correct? Where I am it's a bereavement midwife and consultant that specialises in pregnancy after stillbirth or neonatal death that run a clinic but I know it varies from hospital to hospital. I would keep the appointment and if birth plan does get brought up then say that you are not feeling ready for that yet.

@Bluebelltulip thank you. I will do that tomorrow. Thank you for simplifying it. Woow, thank you.

@Notnowokay welcome to the group, everyone here is great! I'm going to be seeing an obstetrician because I have autoimmune antibodies that may be a risk to the baby but my age (38) and the fact my mum has just been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes makes me higher risk anyway so think those things count towards needing to see someone too.

Just think of it that they are being extra careful with you and if you don't need to be seen after the first appointment I imagine they will send you back to midwife care if they can so they can see other people who need that extra level of oversight. I hope it all goes well tomorrow for you.

@kayjay2018, thank you for the welcome. I have diabetes already and I'm used to seeing obstetrician during the end of pregnancy after each growth scan. But not during first trimester. I have regular appointments every other week with a diabetes doctor. Which is normal, this extra appointment that arrived by post just scared me. But I will say I'm not ready to discuss birth plans right now if they mention it. That has been my experience with them, to look at growth scans and my sugar reading (they don't advice on my diabetes but they look at the hba1c). Then discuss birth plan (including booking induction & offering c-section). I have done nothing else with them, based on my previous experience.

Hi everyone, sorry I haven't had a chance to catch up properly work has been manic and I've been in bed at 8 most nights as I'm feeling exhausted. Will respond properly to everyone's posts over the weekend.

We had the results of the 12 week tests today and they're saying low chance of the 3 trisonomies (yay!). Edwards and Patels is showing as 1 in 10,000 and Downs is showing as 1 in 6,000. I don't know what the range is but these seem okay results? I have been umming and ahing about whether to have the harmony/NIPT but my husband feels it's too much money. Would anyone bother to have the additional test with these results?

@Dimblebimble those results are good and unless there were other issues I wouldn't have any further tests. I had these results with my first and didn't have any extra tests.

Thanks @rubyroot. I panicked because I text them to my mum and she said 'they are okay results' which made me look online to see what the range was, and found people with results of less than 1 in 50,000, which made ours feel comparatively high. Dh has talked me round into seeing that they are okay results and nothing to be worried about, which the rational part of me understands. I am just a bundle of irrational anxiety at the moment, panicking about everything! Hope everything is going well with you? X

Morning all,

@janey15 how are you this morning? Any less drowsy? Sorry you are worried about your bump, do you have any additional scans booked in or coming up soon? (Apologies, I am crap at recalling stuff!)

@Bluebelltulip how lovely that the heartbeat sounded all normal. I am glad you are getting that weekly support from your midwife.

Welcome to the group @Notnowokay I am so sorry for your losses - I shall be seeing an Obstrician early (after losing son at 5 days old and previous MCs too) - I think it is so they can keep a closer eye on us. I was told to expect fortnightly scans and tests from 6 weeks till birth so could be similar for you? Way I look at it, is I really hope that something did go wrong with my Son because then they can help prevent it rather than it being a fluke that might just happen again. I dont know if that helps? My bereavement midwife said birth plans wont be discussed until I am ready to discuss it but I will be needing a CS (as it was only 4 months ago I had the EMCS). Certainly keep an ongoing dialogue with your bereavement midwife, if you have any questions or concerns then I am sure she will be happy to answer. Is it a special Rainbow Clinic at your hospital? (That is what it is called at ours)

Hi @Dimblebimble - sorry you are feeling so exhausted! But those test results do sound like quite good odds to me? Cannot remember what mine have been previously but do sound good odds (but then someone has to be that "1" right?). If you have the money, would the additional testing help ease your worries? I probably wouldnt go for the additional tests though.

@Dimblebimble they are very good resukts. Please don't compare yourself to very low risk resukts that you read online. At age 20 the risk of an average person having a down syndrome baby is 1 in 1450. So yours was much lower than the average 20 year old. Like I said, there's no reason for a nipt unless you have other issues.

@Dimblebimble glad your results have come back low risk.

@Twittlebee thank you not having long between appointments seems to help me atm. Still feeling very anxious though. It's called the rainbow clinic at my hospital too.

I'm having a tough time atm, as I've previously said I'm in the stage of pregnancy that DD2 was being treated in, I've also had 2 family deaths in the last 2 weeks.

Checking in to the new thread, I'll go back and properly catch up later!

My stats:
Age: 26
2 Miscarriages - MMC in October 2018 where the baby died at 12+2 and CP in March 2019.
Currently 31+5 with a boy!

I've had my second GTT test this morning. I'll find out tomorrow morning if it is positive.

Those are great low risk results @Dimblebimble!

Welcome to the group @Notnowokay. Sorry for your previous losses.

Sorry you're having a tough time @Bluebelltulip. Hope you're ok.

I think I forgot to add myself last time around so here goes -

@Melpops36, 38, EDD 5/12/19
@Beaglemum93, 26, EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81, 38, EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue, 37, EDD 03/01/20
@Laney79, 40, EDD 06/01/20
@coconutlatte44, 33, EDD 22/01/20
@KnitKitty, 31, EDD 29/01/20
@UnicornsandRainsbows1, 29, EDD 29/01/2020
@Newbie21, 38, EDD 06/02/20
@InDreamland, 39, EDD 18/02/20
@Tina363,29, EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer, 29, EDD 28/02/20
@Squiff70, 37, EDD end of February (no exact date with twins)
@strawberrye, 28, EDD 08/03/20
@Ginmonkey84, 34, EDD 16/03/20
@DuvetCaterpillar, 34, EDD 27/03/2020
@ChikiTIKI , 29, EDD 04/04/2020
@Navy123, 29, EDD 10/04/20
@Catconfusion, 40, EDD 12/04/20
@Janey15, 34, EDD 13/04/20
@TinyPaws, 33, EDD 18/04/20
@Flyfisherlady, 37, Edd 24/04/20
@Dimblebimble, 29, EDD 29/4/20
@FirstTimeMama91, 28, EDD 06/05/2020
@SunshineCrocodile, 37, EDD 4/6/2020
@TwittleBee* , 25, EDD 25/06/20

Hope I haven't messed up the formatting as it keeps coming up a bit funny when I paste it.