The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread#5 - 🐧 The Penguin Huddle 🐧

[InDreamland]

This is a safe space and supportive thread for anyone who is pregnant following a loss. We all understand the worry and anxiety that can come from being pregnant again following miscarriage/stillbirth.

Please feel free to join, even if you were not on the TTC thread.

Starting the roll call copied from the last thread (please feel free to add your name or amend if due dates have changed following 12 week scans or booking in c-secs):

@Melpops36, 38, EDD 5/12/19
@Beaglemum93, 26, EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81, 38, EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue, 37, EDD 03/01/20
@Laney79, 40, EDD 06/01/20
@Bluebelltulip, 29, EDD 09/01/20
@KnitKitty, 31, EDD 29/01/20
@Newbie21, 38, EDD 06/02/20
@InDreamland, 39, EDD 18/02/20
@Tina363,29, EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer, 29, EDD 28/02/20
@Squiff70, 37, EDD end of February (no exact date with twins)
@Strawberry, 28, EDD 08/03/20
@Ginmonkey84, 34, EDD 16/03/20
@DuvetCaterpillar, 34, EDD 27/03/2020
@Navy123, 29, EDD 10/04/20
@Janey15, 34, EDD 16/04/20
@TinyPaws, 22, EDD 19/04/20
@Flyfisherlady, 37, Edd 24/04/20
@FirstTimeMama91, 28, EDD 06/05/2020

Also tagging @boboelephant and @Yukka just to hope they can pop on and update on their rainbows.

Sorry to anyone I've missed 🐧

I hope you are ok @TwittleBee. Nausea definitely comes and goes, and some cramps can be normal. Really hope you are ok xxx

I've had hardly any sleep and DD is up for the day. Also had a really horrible dream that my bump had gone all squishy and small. Went to hospital and they just said the baby had vanished! So bump anxiety clearly is still on my mind and the little sleep I did have was crap. It's going to be a long day!

@TwittleBee, I hope it is just the body being weird with symptoms going and returning. And that coincidental cramps are just that and it is your body making room for the baby.

I hope it is not the end. Will you go to epu/ egas or wait it out for a while?

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue, I hate pregnancy dreams especially since they get really vivid during pregnancy. I have no solutions or tricks for them.

@Twittlebee I hope you are ok and that it's just early pregnancy unpredictability.

DD didn't give us any extra sleep but I know feel very organised for a Sunday morning.

@TwittleBee how far are you again? I'm sorry you're feeling anxious but cramping can be perfectly normal in early pregnancy. Those early few weeks are the worst though.

Sorry to hear about your nightmare @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue they're always so vivid and hard to shake once you've woken up.

I've got a baby shower today 😩 I hate baby showers passionately anyway, but this is the friend who has been so cruel through my last two MCs so I'm just dreading it.

Thanks for the reassurance @rubyroot and @sunshinecrocodile I worked out the % chance yesterday and it's so tiny I'm feeling more reassured.

Please don't leave the thread @rubyroot, it would be such a shame. We are all here to support each other, even though some of our worries may be more irrational than others due to our mc induced anxieties.

@TwittleBee my morning sickness came and went, although it was relatively mild anyway. Often disappeared for a few days then came back randomly. So that's not necessarily a sign of anything bad. How bad are the cramps? As others have said, mild cramping isn't necessarily a bad sign. Fingers crossed everything is okay!

Sorry about the horrible dream @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue. I have had some terrible dreams, and they are always so vivid 😬

@frillyfarmer good luck for the baby shower. Hope it's as painless as can be!

Hi everyone,

Thanks for your kind words, I feel a lot better now. I try to remember that I’m at no more risk of losing this one than the rest of the population and I really want to enjoy this pregnancy (as I think we will only have one due to infertility). I also found out I have high natural killer cells, there seemed to be a misunderstanding and I wasn’t told in my early weeks but now I’m over 12 weeks apparently it doesn’t matter. Yikes!
@Frillyfarmer I also don’t like baby showers, I didn’t like them before I started ttc. I’d hate the thought of my low income friends feeling pressured to buy gifts. But they can be low key and fun. How awful your friend was cruel to you. I have a friend like that who I now keep at arms length.
@rubyroot 20 week scan should be in 3 weeks but just waiting to see if it will be with a consultant (due to my dh’s genetic condition). Please don’t leave the thread. I think it’s important to keep things in perspective and you always focus on the positive in a calm, reassuring way and we all need someone like that during this time!

Has anyone had an additional appointment with the mental health midwife? I don’t really know what to expect and it’s on Tuesday. I don’t have depression but I did 10 years ago, and my sister has severe mental health problems.

@TwittleBee I’m sorry to hear about the cramps, I really hope it’s everything stretching and it eases off soon. If there is no bleeding or spotting that’s promising. When is your next scan? Take care

@TwittleBee I have everything crossed that the cramps are just internal manoeuvrings and nothing sinister. Pregnancy symptoms are slippery sods and can come and go - hormone levels can naturally plateau before increasing again as pregnancy progresses which can cause a stop/start effect. Hope this is the case for you.

@Frillyfarmer hope the baby shower is bearable. I can't stand them personally (can't help but feel it's tempting fate besides anything else but maybe that's my acquired pregnancy anxiety talking!).

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue oh I hate those dreams. My weirdest one was dreaming that I'd had an affair and the baby wasn't DH's and I'd have to tell him we needed a DNA test. Woke up and lay there in a panic for about a minute until it occurred to me that I'd had no affairs that I knew about! So strange how the subconscious works though. Hope you get some bump reassurance soon - don't you have a scan coming up soon?

@Mistymeow never seen the MH midwife but my friend worked as one for a while. I believe the initial appointment is generally just to make sure you're ok and to refer/signpost for extra support if needed, and to make doubly sure you're aware of the signs of antenatal/postnatal depression etc. Hope it's a reassuring appointment.

@rubyroot please stay! I think @TwittleBee put it perfectly, we all have our own anxieties and we don't always have to agree or take the advice offered, as long as we remember we're ultimately here to support each other on a tough journey. You've been very supportive to me since I joined the thread for which I'm grateful and I hope you don't leave x

Aaargh why is the bold in my posts always topsy turvy?!

Thanks everyone, just feeling so nervous because although I continued having symptoms with my MMC (body really didn't realise my DD had died), with my MC my body slowed the symptoms right down, had couple bad days if cramps and then bleeding started so really feels like that's happening now. I'm only 5 weeks +3 days, so early I know too.

Hi @TwittleBee
I'm not going to tell you not to worry as I know that's pointless! But will tell you that I had the exact same cramping at 5 weeks in this pregnancy as I had before my miscarriage in January. I was certain it was happening again and cried all the way home on the flight from Italy! I had an early scan with our fertility clinic and all had been fine since then 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻
What I did learn though is that cramping is very common in early pregnancy- mine was very strong painful period type cramps. Also that I will always panic when I feel pain. I've now got ligament pain, growing/stretching pains and pelvic pain and have cried repeatedly with the worry that it's the beginning of the end.
Would a scan help you feel more confident?

Sorry I haven't read the weekends posts but will try to reply to you all later

How are you @TwittleBee? X

Morning ladies. So sorry I've not been on over the weekend, it's been another really busy one. Lots for me to catch up on. Not much to report here apart from Bubsy seems to be moving a bit more now and a few kicks are strong, DH felt kicks with his hand on Friday and yesterday so he's thrilled.

Hope you all enjoyed the extra hour yesterday. I'm gonna go read everything I've missed now.

Morning all. I have had some very light spotting. My Bereavement midwife is on holiday this week and so her colleague is taking over her women but she will only be around on Tuesday and Thursday but I have sent a text that I hope she will reply to tomorrow. We have a scan booked in for the 5th Nov, I should imagine they'll only make me wait until then anyway.

How is everyone else this morning?

@TwittleBee really hope you are ok, thinking of you!

@SunshineCrocodile I didn't end up going to the scan over the weekend, just decided I would try to wait a little longer until next weekend, when I will be over 21 weeks. 20+4 today and starting to feel a tiny bit of "fluttering" (I would describe it more as driving really fast over a big hill), but its definitely helping with the anxiety. The more I feel baby, the better. How are you doing?

@InDreamland congrats on DH feeling baby move, that's incredible! How many weeks are you now?

@rubyroot please don't go, you've been an incredible source of support for me and I appreciate your level-headedness when I'm spiraling. Emotions run high on these issues, which is understandable, but we are all just doing the best we can to get by Xxx.

@strawberrye @fnej01 how are my March ladies doing? Any more movements yet?

Well, there has been a chickenpox outbreak at my department and I'm terrified to go back to work. I'm not sure whether I've had it before and I know its bad for baby if you are pregnant. How long should I stay away do you think?

Back to the TTC board for me, another MMC it seems. Best of luck to you all x

Oh @TwittleBee, I'm so sorry. Life is so unfair. x

Oh @TwittleBee, I'm gutted to read your update. Big virtual hugs. Be kind to yourself and drink all the wine. Hope to see you back here soon xxx

@InDreamland I'm thrilled for you and your DH! How exciting! Is it starting to feel more real now lovely?

@sadtoday21 my DD has chicken pox this summer so I must have been about 8 weeks. No concern provided you have had it. If unsure I think your GP can arrange a test. Do give them a call as chicken pox is contagious for a while, especially if more than one person has it and you don't want to take risks. If you've had it, it's really not a problem.

HAD chicken pox.

@TwittleBee I am so very sorry to read your update

So sorry to hear your news @TwittleBee, I was really hoping everything would turn out okay for you. Hope you're okay

@TwittleBee I'm so sorry. Sending you love and I really hope to see you back here soon xxx

Finally caught up I think although I missed so much I apologise in advance if I miss anyone!

@Yukka so lovely to hear from you and that baby Yukka is doing well. Thanks for all the good sensible positive advice you have given us all.

@Dimblebimble great odds on the tests. I can totally get the anxiety around the results even if they're low risk as we will always compare, especially with our histories on this thread but you should be okay.

@rubyroot nooooooo please don't leave the thread! Echoing what others have said, you've been so supportive of all our anxieties here but also a voice of reason. I know I've appreciated the reality check when feeling anxious. Please don't go!

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue sorry you're having horrible dreams, I've had loads of nightmares to the point I've been in tears. It's natural but horrible isn't it!

@Frillyfarmer how was the baby shower. Another one here who really doesn't like them. Just think it's tempting fate (my anxieties) and don't like the idea of expecting gifts ..........if people want to buy a gift they can when baby is born and delivered safe and sound. I really dislike them. You're good for going when your "friend" was cruel to you. I'd have given it a miss.

@TwittleBee noooooo I'm so sorry to read your update. Drink wine and eat pate and cheese! Hope you're being well looked after and that we see you back here very soon.

Thanks for all the lovely comments about feeling movements and kicks. I'm relieved but now expect to feel them very regularly and frequently so get worried if I think Bubsy is less active. I'm 23+6 so hitting that so called magic 24 weeks tomorrow if all remains okay. Thing is I am still worried and anxious. I really am just trying to get to the next day with nothing bad happening. Just scared about all the things that can still go wrong. the odds may be low but I can't help thinking it still happens to people. Hoping for some nice strong kicks tonight ......DH thinks Bubsy is head butting rather than kicking.