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Bereavement

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My son has died

207 replies

dandelionfluffy · 29/10/2026 20:14

On Sunday my gorgeous DS died aged 14. I was in his bedroom as he hadn't been that well in the night but I checked his pulse and breathing and lay down on the other bed. Two hours later I woke up and he was blue and stiff.

He had epilepsy but they need to do an investigation if a child dies suddenly so we had to be at the hospital all day answering questions from the police. They have now issued the death certificate.

I can't really think what else to say but I wanted to put something on here - this isn't my long term username but I lost my mum in July also and set up a new username. This is just about a million times more awful. It feels like it isn't the same planet as losing an elderly parent. Not even the same universe.

We are currently in negotiations about how he will be buried but we are churchgoers and we will have his service at our regular church. We do feel relieved that the funeral service will be comforting and we don't have to make too many decisions.

My DD is 12 and she is clearly trying to be ultra busy. She's been to stay with a friend for a couple of nights and is going trick or treating with a friend. She was supposed to be spending half term doing things with her brother. She says she doesn't want to be an only child.

We have friends around us, one friend came to stay for a couple of nights and we have people locally who support us. Some friends have chipped in to send us some Cook meals. Everyone is being so lovely. I almost feel like I haven't got enough to do but then I break down in tears over a text message.

OP posts:
Lindy2 · 04/11/2026 12:05

dandelionfluffy · 04/11/2026 11:56

We have been asked to go and see his paediatrician to talk about what happened. We are definitely not ready to do that.

Tell them that you're not ready. You need more time before discussing it with them.

For them it's a sad part of their job. For you it is far far more than that and you need only make an appointment if/when you are ready.

You have been in my thoughts x

endofthelinefinally · 04/11/2026 12:05

Don't allow yourselves to be pressured into anything to soon. You need time to process, to support each other.
We had to wait 4 weeks before we could have a funeral and tbh, it took me all that time to plan it, and that was with a lot of support and help from friends.
We had to attend the inquest a couple of months later.
I couldn't have managed a shorter time line, it would have been too much.
I brought my son's ashes home and it has taken me several years to decide where to place them.
It takes time and nobody should hurry you.

Zanatdy · 04/11/2026 23:01

OP, I am so very sorry for the loss of your dear son. My thoughts are with you and your family. Take each day / hour at a time, lean on those around you, and don’t place any expectations on yourself.

LilyMumsnet · 05/11/2026 13:40

OP, we are so very sorry for your loss.

We wanted to ask if you could check the email inbox for the email address attached to your account? We appreciate it has been a few years, so we've sent you a PM too (you won't be able to view this on the app, however).

Absolutely no pressure to reply. We just wanted to make sure you saw it.

Love and best wishes,
MNHQ. Flowers

dandelionfluffy · 07/11/2026 21:18

Not having a great day today, really tired and feel like I both want to be with DD and DH, and be on my own, and be asleep.

Thinking about Christmas which will be our next thing after the funeral. Not sure how it's going to be but we'd already bought some gifts, and both DCs have home made stockings and it will be so weird putting up one without the other.

OP posts:
CravingSolitude · 07/11/2026 22:00

Christmas will be really hard. Those first Christmases are tough, but it does get easier. I'm even starting to look forward to them again now. There is no right or wrong way to approach Christmas, just what works for you.

I remember finding it hard with the shops and the Christmas carols and so on.

One thing about grief is it is absolutely exhausting. I was surprised how much it took out of me. I napped a lot for months. Ate too many take out meals because I didn't have the energy to cook. Listen to your body and go easy on yourself.

juniper16 · 07/11/2026 22:42

Minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. The most unfathomable loss, never the right words available for such times. For any future time, Grief Encounter is a specialist organisation for bereaved children, may be a blessing some time for your daughter and for you and your husband too. I’d not heard of them until I was seeking something for someone close, pop a note somewhere where you can look them up if a time comes.

You’ll somehow cope and push through, you’ll have no idea how and you’ll feel like you can’t, let yourself grieve in any way that comes. Xx

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