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Bereavement

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My son has died

207 replies

dandelionfluffy · 29/10/2026 20:14

On Sunday my gorgeous DS died aged 14. I was in his bedroom as he hadn't been that well in the night but I checked his pulse and breathing and lay down on the other bed. Two hours later I woke up and he was blue and stiff.

He had epilepsy but they need to do an investigation if a child dies suddenly so we had to be at the hospital all day answering questions from the police. They have now issued the death certificate.

I can't really think what else to say but I wanted to put something on here - this isn't my long term username but I lost my mum in July also and set up a new username. This is just about a million times more awful. It feels like it isn't the same planet as losing an elderly parent. Not even the same universe.

We are currently in negotiations about how he will be buried but we are churchgoers and we will have his service at our regular church. We do feel relieved that the funeral service will be comforting and we don't have to make too many decisions.

My DD is 12 and she is clearly trying to be ultra busy. She's been to stay with a friend for a couple of nights and is going trick or treating with a friend. She was supposed to be spending half term doing things with her brother. She says she doesn't want to be an only child.

We have friends around us, one friend came to stay for a couple of nights and we have people locally who support us. Some friends have chipped in to send us some Cook meals. Everyone is being so lovely. I almost feel like I haven't got enough to do but then I break down in tears over a text message.

OP posts:
MarxistMags · 30/10/2026 00:51

My sincere condolences to you and the family. I know how life changing this can be. It seems you have a lot of support around you so lean on it as much as you can.
I am so sorry and sad for you all.

There is a wonderful organisation, run by, and for, bereaved parents called The Compassionate Friends you might want to check out. They are on line (TCF) and can be reached by phone as well .
My thoughts are with you.

dandelionfluffy · 30/10/2026 07:45

Thank you all. We have found TCF actually and though it's much too soon for anything like that their help sheets look very good as they are not generic "oh how awful, time will heal" but offer specific situations.

OP posts:
Apotofrealcoffee · 30/10/2026 07:52

Im so sorry for the loss of your lovely boy OP ❤️

Sending love and light at this very difficult time.

You mentioned church going - sometimes priests give church keys to parishioners so they can let themselves in and pray quietly outside of sermon time, when they are going through the unimaginable.

CravingSolitude · 30/10/2026 09:08

dandelionfluffy · 30/10/2026 07:45

Thank you all. We have found TCF actually and though it's much too soon for anything like that their help sheets look very good as they are not generic "oh how awful, time will heal" but offer specific situations.

When I went to TCF meetings, most people were between 3 months and five years into their bereavement. Of course, every group will be so different. It's a really supportive organisation and I know some people found it incredibly helpful and made friends. I found it too overwhelming and only went to about 3 meetings. I suggest trying it to see if it's for you, when you are ready.

ComeOnJolene · 30/10/2026 09:52

So sorry OP on the loss of your wonderful son. my DD has epilepsy and it such a cruel illness.

SorryDidThatHurt · 30/10/2026 12:47

I am so so sorry for your loss. There are no words that will help the pain you are going through just now but I couldn’t not leave a message. Sending you and your family so much love

Livpool · 30/10/2026 12:47

I am so sorry for your loss

topcat2014 · 30/10/2026 12:49

I'm so sorry and upset for you x

Upupandaway10 · 30/10/2026 12:50

So sorry 💔

bumblingbovine49 · 30/10/2026 12:52

I am so so sorry for the loss of your wonderful boy. There no words

coodawoodashooda · 30/10/2026 12:58

I am so sorry op.

hotmumshit · 30/10/2026 13:01

So sorry for your loss, op. 🥺🩷

socialdilemmawhattodo · 30/10/2026 13:07

So sorry for your loss, xx

Twins3007 · 30/10/2026 13:39

sending my condolences to you and your family, so sorry for your loss x

LoudPlumDog · 30/10/2026 13:43

I’m so sorry. I do unfortunately know how you feel. It’s the worst thing in the world.
Please take care of yourself, and PM me any time you want to.

dandelionfluffy · 30/10/2026 14:02

Thank you all.
We have to see the funeral directors today, though DH has gone as DD wants to make Halloween sweets Hmm.
The vicar has said we cannot bury DS in the churchyard because it's officially closed and they would need permission from the Diocese which is a 4 week consultation period and then possibly months before a decision is made.

We are thinking of alternatives but we don't want to perambulate around the town with a hearse, we want to be at the church having cake with our friends and family after the service, and we don't want him somewhere else that we won't go after the first few months.

OP posts:
Pontdulac · 30/10/2026 14:15

I saw your original post and my heart sank. Like others who have posted my son also has epilepsy. I am so sorry. It's is not your fault, there is nothing you could have done. If you are, then don't go there with those thoughts. Sending strength. I will keep you and all your family in my prayers x

AttilaTheMeerkat · 30/10/2026 15:09

I am so very sorry to read of your son’s death. My thoughts and prayers are with you all at this time. 💐

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AttilaTheMeerkat · 30/10/2026 15:14

Do consider also contacting Child Bereavement U.K. when you are ready. His sister could well also
benefit from this organisation’s support

https://www.childbereavementuk.org

Winstons Wish are now part of the above charity.

Dinkiedoo · 30/10/2026 15:14

Thats an absolute nightmare . Sending lots of love and hugs xxxx

Minasama · 30/10/2026 15:15

Oh my goodness, sending you so much love and support.

This is probably the hardest thing that could happen to anyone.

I am so sorry to read this.

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 30/10/2026 15:20

I am so very, very sorry, OP. You must be in shock.

Sending you love and strength. Just take one day at a time.

Lampzade · 30/10/2026 15:23

So sorry Op. so very sorry

Newsenmum · 30/10/2026 15:43

Have you been given any insight into what happened op? I really can’t imagine how hard this js for you.

Gogogo75 · 30/10/2026 16:10

I am so sorry OP. I can't even begin to imagine the pain you and your family are going through. Love and prayers to you all x

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