DH Lost Job

[Lostjobstuff]

Looking for some help/support/advice from people who have gone through similar.

DH lost job I March. Was high up in a finance organization. Spent the summer enjoying time with our three children (I supported this). But has now declared he doesn’t want to go back into finance and spends his time coming up increasingly far fetched ‘business ideas’.

I am trying to be supportive but it looks like my own dreams of taking sometime off or slowing down to be with our 3 children is completely unattainable now.

Has anyone been in my situation? How did it work out? I think it would be different if he had a concrete plan to retrain in another industry, but it just seems like he spends his time grasping at straws.

Sit him down and remind him he’s got a responsibility and to get off his ass and get sorted asap.

Lots of experience here in recruitment. The things that stand out to me from your post are
He probably thinks his past seniority means opportunities will come to him. Not in today’s market. He is going to have to put in the effort especially if changing fields
He needs a proper business plan - a good business coach can help with this. Even if his business ideas are still at the early stage, starting to draft a plan will help his assess viability. If he wont do this - there’s your answer.
He must do the above whilst also looking for a job - any job. He needs to wWork out the minimum he needs to bring in to cover your arses and get looking for jobs that earn that much.
Looking for work is his new full time job .

Yes, agree a sum of money he must contribute and by when.

Unfortunately, with 3 children, he doesn’t have the option of pie in the sky business ideas.

I think we need more information here -

How old is he and you? Was his job particularly stressful? What is your families financial situation and how much do you earn?

The answers to these questions would guide me on whether he needs to get a job or whether he can pursue setting up a business.

Whether his business ideas are credible is a different matter.

What plans did you have for taking time off? Was this previously discussed?

@Sidebeforeself thank you for the thoughtful response.

You are right, I need to be firm about the business plan for some of these ideas.

I want to be supportive but it just feels like the future we planned for ourselves is slipping through my fingers. He seems to have figured out a whole new future plan where I have the steady job and he gets to live his dream while being super dad.

sorry all. As you can see I am pretty emotional about this currently

He needs to do something to bring in some cash, make your family more resilient to any problems you might have, build up his confidence and self esteem ( they mask those problems very well) and you’ll be totally behind his plans if he works on them in his downtime

What is your job situation like? This is probably something you need to have a talk about together, it’s not unreasonable of him to want to be the one who is more at home, but you need to decide this together.

@notspringingback both of us are mid 40s and are/were in stressful roles. We have a significant amount in savings but that will go quick if he isn’t making anything or spends a lot on his business.

yes we previously discussed me stepping back from my role to spend more time with the kids. I have worked without a break since I was 15. I am exhausted and the kids are only young once. When he was first let go he promised that his situation wouldn’t derail my plans. That has now gone completely out the window

Would also love if anyone has some personal experiences they could share. How did they navigate the job transition of a DH? What helped? What didn’t?

ok, does he think he can effectively set up a business that still allows for you to step back? (ignoring whether that is possible for a second)

Or does he think you need to keep your job and take the hit while he pursuing this new business idea?

Does he have any entrepreneurial experience?

Whatever happened to men being providers?

Remind him that real men provide for their family.

What do real women do?

Does he even have a donkey?

And bang - there goes thousand of years of fighting for equality. I can't believe that there are people who still think this.

Any reason he cant go back 3 or 4 days a week and you do the same?

You don't think he should provide then? Not even for himself?

Why does it fall to him to have the main job so you can drop hours and spend time with the kids? Why can't he find a part time job and be the main carer? Especially ATM with how the job market is...

Generally people need to provide for themselves. However, people, who are in relationships, can decide to provide for each other with mutual agreement.

Fucks sake
There should be no place for toxic shit like this

Surely you had 3 breaks as such from work when 3 maternity leaves?
I don’t think you can really say you’ve never stepped back from work when you have had 3 children.
You both had stressful jobs, you already voiced you didn’t want to continue forever with yours at the same pressure and having some time out of work has shown your DH he thinks the same.
It sounds like you both need to work out where your priorities are and scale back your lifestyle if neither of you want to pursue a high pressure financial career any more.

Meanwhile real women are barefoot and pregnant by the kitchen sink. 🙄

😂 Sweet!

Whilst I get the frustration from you as it was previously decided you'd step back, but what a fortunate position to be in if one of you can be with the kids. Does he do the housework too? If he is contributing and you can continue to earn a decent wage I wouldn't really mind this but will never be in that position x

To be fair, ass is a much better word than arse.

Grown ass man sounds much better than grown arse man.