To say no to son’s girlfriend coming for Christmas.

[5littleducksallinarow]

We don’t have the biggest house and our very small dining table is in an alcove in the lounge, we pull it out for meals but there is 6 of us squeezed around this 4 seater table with 2 extra chairs.
Last year we decided to do a cold meat buffet instead and just have our plates on the sofa and it worked so we’ve decided to do the same again.
This year ds has a girlfriend and has asked if she can come for Christmas and I explained it will only be buffet but he’s unimpressed and says she’s from a posh family and would expect a traditional roast dinner.

Aibu to say we can’t cater for anyone else? We don’t mind if she wants to come for a while or even for some of the buffet but I will not be cooking a Christmas dinner.
Ds is concerned about her reaction to a non traditional roast.
We have met her once and I did put on a similar cold meats buffet back in the summer but she didn’t eat anything.

Agree - as if the whole of Christmas rests on one meal!
I'd hope spending time with family was what made Christmas, not if have a Sunday roast or not.

Funny old world innit?!

100% this @5littleducksallinarow

If it's 12x12, then that is very very tiny.
12 square foot is the size of a toddler bed.

I do don't get why a tiny lounge = cold meats rather than a Christmas dinner, even if they are on lap trays though.

You don’t have to change your Christmas to suit DS’s GF’s expectations (or his perception of them). I think it’s a little early to be having Christmas together tbh. But if they really can’t be apart, why doesn’t he go to her parents and they can go all out for him?

Do your Christmas the way you want to, OP, I’m sure it’s lovely.

😂 was wondering how long that would take.

“Just go buy a new table and change all your plans because the girl your son is seeing might be his wife one day”

Classic mumsnet, brilliant 😂

True. He's just trying to impress I guess, especially given that he thinks the girlfriend is "posh".

Literally have to stop myself asking if they can have some wafer thin ham if I ever hear someone say they are a vegetarian!

I’d take 12 foot square is a square room 12’ x 12’ (or 144 sq feet) as opposed to 12 square feet.

Only on Mumsnet would the reply to “We’re struggling for room, but my son thinks his girlfriend will turn her nose up at the food anyway” be “Buy a new table”.

Tell him not to be a spoilt brat - you’re not running a restaurant. I’d make her welcome but say it’s a buffet, take it or leave it. If DS doesn’t like it he can cook and pay for it all.

I think your son is making a mistake similar to summer visit when they ate before arriving. His gf will probably be expecting they do their own Christmas this year. Ie see each other Christmas eve and/or morning then go to their own families.

I would say she is very welcome to join at any point but it is buffet as that is what is practical and you enjoy.

I know, right? Buy a new table?
Ridiculous, for God's sake OP just move house. Buy a new place with a baronial style dining room that you only ever use at Christmas and then all your problems are solved.

Tis easy when you think about it.

😆excellent.

There would be 7 of us and I don’t serve ham and pork pies.

I roast turkey and gammon and calve it on Christmas Eve.
Then I make coleslaw and potato salad and various salad bits for those who want that and make prawn cocktail, prawn ring and the like, then I buy a whole variety of Christmas party food some of which is served straight from the oven and later on we have a cheeseboard and puddings.

Because that what the OP and her DH want to do for their Christmas Day.

It matters not what anyone else wants OP. I would not change my plans. Surely it is about family being together and celebrating rather than having a traditional roast dinner.

Whatever you do will be different to her parents - so keep your own traditions.

I do hope you make your own wreaths, table decorations and Xmas crackers though??

Same! & I agree, girlfriend is welcome but we do Christmas our way. I think when young people meet a partner & their family it naturally causes them to compare their lives/upbringing etc

Sounds lovely OP, I would really enjoy this.

I wouldn't think too hard about it. Leave the invitation there for her, so if she does want to come then she can. It won't matter to you if there's one extra. But I imagine they'll decide to go to hers after all if they want a Christmas dinner, so don't change your plans or but a new table!

Your son's said she's posh and put the blame on her, but perhaps he means he's a bit embarrassed about eatings off laps. My husband's parents only do dinner off laps on the sofa and I really don't like it, it's so awkward and uncomfortable.

I roast turkey and gammon and calve it on Christmas Eve.

Maybe it's the way you're serving that's putting him off. Wonderful images conjured up by autocorrect 😂

Due to space and a buffet is better go for it. I have done it but it was a baked ham dinner, rather than cold meats, for xmas eve one year. And if you have any tv trays that'd be handy.

It’s 12 by 12 and it’s square with an alcove.

Do you have any space maybe for a decorating table ? With a couple of white sheets, and some Christmas centrepieces you could seat a fair few (My SIL used to do this) .However if you dont have room or dont want to do a full roast then tough .They will have to lump it!

Christmas is about family coming together, enjoying each others company, not upholding some imaginary standards.

It's about the whole deal though isn't it-getting together, the food, the atmosphere,everything. It is remembered their whole lives. I'm old and don't live in UK now but .we still l have UK style family Christmases . The children and grandchildren say they will remember these joyful times their whole lives.

I’d add a big dish of roast potatoes to that and it would be my idea of heaven !!

Everyone does Christmas differently. To me, it's turkey and all the trimmings, but a lot of people will have a chicken, or beef, or even something vastly different, and that is their choice.

OP, you do what you want on Christmas Day and your DS has to take it or leave it. If he wants the fancy lunch then he can go to her house or he can cook it himself.

We had a full Christmas dinner on our laps a couple of years ago.

We still had a lovely day, and it turned out to be my mum's last one so definitely very glad we made the effort.

There's also no reason why you should need to do all the cooking alone, either...