To say no to son’s girlfriend coming for Christmas.

[5littleducksallinarow]

We don’t have the biggest house and our very small dining table is in an alcove in the lounge, we pull it out for meals but there is 6 of us squeezed around this 4 seater table with 2 extra chairs.
Last year we decided to do a cold meat buffet instead and just have our plates on the sofa and it worked so we’ve decided to do the same again.
This year ds has a girlfriend and has asked if she can come for Christmas and I explained it will only be buffet but he’s unimpressed and says she’s from a posh family and would expect a traditional roast dinner.

Aibu to say we can’t cater for anyone else? We don’t mind if she wants to come for a while or even for some of the buffet but I will not be cooking a Christmas dinner.
Ds is concerned about her reaction to a non traditional roast.
We have met her once and I did put on a similar cold meats buffet back in the summer but she didn’t eat anything.

We went to the local Indian restaurant one Christmas day, I loved it! My family not so much. I do not know why everyone makes a fuss of having a turkey, it's the worst meat as far as I'm concerned.

What you've offered is fine, OP, it sounds relaxed and welcoming. I agree in that set up, a buffet makes perfect sense and it works for you.

It's up to your ds and his gf what they do - nothing more you can add.

I don’t think he thinks he needs an invitation so if I ask him on Saturday if he wants to come for dinner on Sunday, he will say “I might do” and leave it at that.
If he decides not to we won’t hear a thing and if he decides to turn up he will.

It is annoying as we don’t know what we’re doing and can’t make any plans because we’ve invited him and don’t know if he’ll come or not, so if I suggest would he like to come for a roast tomorrow I have to keep tomorrow free and I’m then obliged to cook it because I invited him when really if he wasn’t coming we’d probably have eaten out or had something else.

I think it sounds as if it might be your DS who is overly anxious about her posh requirements OP; it isn't necessarily her.

I think I'd say it will be a buffet as now they have partners it is hard to sit comfortably at the other, but that you would love to see her on the day if she wants to join. Make what you would make for yourself (or feel happy supplying) then leave it up to them. Be friendly if she comes. If they are late 20's this could be a serious relationship and she needs to be welcomed, but to know you as you are. You can't set yourself up for a lifetime of overhauling your furnishings to meet her own situation.

None of what I have suggested (buffet, warm welcome) is anything you need to be ashamed of.

If her posh family are all for a traditional roast dinner then they/she should bloody well eat with them then! You haven’t been unwelcoming at all, just made it clear you won’t be changing plans. Yanbu.

It doesn’t have to be turkey even if it’s a roast, we’ve had lamb or beef but mostly I’ve done gammon as Dh doesn’t like turkey and gammon seems to be a favourite here.
Sometimes I’ve done a turkey as well or just a crown so there’s a choice and leftovers are used up Boxing Day.

Sounds like you've raised a real peach there, OP. Good luck to you and to his future female partners/skivvies.

My dss are 26 and 29. No way would they treat me so disrespectfully. In fact they'd do the food if I asked. Ds1 more so. Ds1 was here recently with his gf. They cooked for us. She's from a richer family. But she's lovely and warm hearted.
He needs to tell you his plans. That's so rude.
And they eat what you provide. He knows your set up.
Or suggest he cooks or takes you all out.

It is annoying as we don’t know what we’re doing and can’t make any plans because we’ve invited him and don’t know if he’ll come or not, so if I suggest would he like to come for a roast tomorrow I have to keep tomorrow free and I’m then obliged to cook it because I invited him when really if he wasn’t coming we’d probably have eaten out or had something else

This is where you need to draw the line and stop with the open invitations. He is late 20's not 18! He is basically saying he will turn up if he doesn't have a better offer and can be bothered. I said he sounds like prat upthread with the posh nonsense, now I definitely think he is one. Why on earth are you allowing him to dictate like this? Stop with these sorts of invitations. He needs to grow up!

Have you never called him out on this?? I wuoldn't be so rude to my mum, if she invited me it would be a yes or a no. And even if I was doing something that she found rude without me realising, she'd pull me up on it, and I'd apologise and not do it again!

Tell son if he doesnt like it he can do one and they can both go elsewhere!! If he thinks his family are not good enough he can also do one

I love a buffet so would really enjoy this. MIL always does a great boxing day buffet, some people sit on the lounge, others on a dining chair next to the table. Because it's a buffet we don't all.eat at once and can just pick/graze over a couple of hours
No one has a tray in front of the TV 🙄