To say no to son’s girlfriend coming for Christmas.

[5littleducksallinarow]

We don’t have the biggest house and our very small dining table is in an alcove in the lounge, we pull it out for meals but there is 6 of us squeezed around this 4 seater table with 2 extra chairs.
Last year we decided to do a cold meat buffet instead and just have our plates on the sofa and it worked so we’ve decided to do the same again.
This year ds has a girlfriend and has asked if she can come for Christmas and I explained it will only be buffet but he’s unimpressed and says she’s from a posh family and would expect a traditional roast dinner.

Aibu to say we can’t cater for anyone else? We don’t mind if she wants to come for a while or even for some of the buffet but I will not be cooking a Christmas dinner.
Ds is concerned about her reaction to a non traditional roast.
We have met her once and I did put on a similar cold meats buffet back in the summer but she didn’t eat anything.

12 feet by 12 feet. 🙄

Definitely YANBU. However I'd rather go to my gfs for a posh roast in his shoes 🤣 It's lovely he doesn't want to do that though.

This is probably his insecurity driving this rather than her.

And it's possible that she didn't eat anything at your last buffet as she gets embarrassed eating in front of people, depending on her age. My daughter and nephew's girlfriend are 16-20 and don't like eating in front of people they don't know. If that's the case, she would no more eat your roast than she did the buffet.

You've decided on your Christmas and have said that she can come so you are not at all being unreasonable on that front. I wouldn't be so rude as to say you're unreasonable have a cold meat buffet on Christmas day, but it's not something I would do.

12ft square not 12 square feet.

Seriously! I missed that little gem.

Sorry but I'm with the son. What kind of monster has a cold meat buffet for Xmas dinner. 😂😂

This 100%
Your DS is a bit cheeky and rude. When you go to someone else’s for Christmas Day you don’t get to dictate the plans. If you don’t like the plans, fair enough, but go somewhere else.

Perhaps you should hope for a nice day & eat outside at the bigger table😉

What's up with the posters telling OP how to change her dinner plans and reorganise her dining room in order to host ds New posh girlfriend? I thought we had come further than this...

I totally agree she should be invited but don’t change your plans as a result.

Your plan sounds lovely and much more relaxed/ relaxing.

She can take you as she finds you.

My daughter and nephew's girlfriend are 16-20 and don't like eating in front of people they don't know.

I take it they never go to restaurants/fast food then? Everyone is nervous meeting their partners family at first- doesn't mean that people have to go out of their way to adapt to them. They will get to know them and feel more at ease with time. So sick of this pandering to young people's anxiety- it only gets worse if you avoid all discomfort in life.

Did you read her posts or are you just reacting to her title? I do agree her title is misleading when you read her actual post.

Well, no; that would necessitate them eating in front of people. At most, my nephews girlfriend will pick and eat like a bird. But it will take a long time - unless it's just the two of them there.

I don't believe I said the OP had to adapt. Rather the opposite. I said she might not have eaten the buffet due to anxiety - in which case she wouldn't eat a roast either, so it wouldn't be worth changing the plans anyway.

Might a compromise be you serve a roast dinner on the table but eat it on your laps? Or little tables? Start at £16 in Ikea.

Our normal dining table is for six but for years we had a camping table stuck on the end for Christmas dinner. Now we use dining table plus my desk.

It's nice to invite her. If she's polite, she'll be happy to eat whatever you're providing. It's the getting together that's important. If she wants a roast, she'll have to go elsewhere.

Ask him why he hasn’t been invited to hers for a big Christmas roast?

YANBU. You haven't said she can't come, you've said she can come and enjoy the meal you are preparing. The meal you're preparing isn't a roast. Don't like it? Don't come! Ridiculous to expect you to change your meal plans for this.

Tbh I am sort of seeing his point - I would hate a buffet on Christmas Day! We've got a small old cottage, just a kitchen and sitting room/dining room downstairs. This year I have 10 for a sit down dinner!! We will push the furniture to the side, get in the garden table and my brother will bring extra chairs. It's tight, but it's Christmas and we will make it happen. Part of the fun of it!

Of course he wants a nice christmas inc dinner if his gf is invited! I can see them going to hers instead.

I agree; DS sounds like the weak link here.
I’m just gobsmacked that those two are knocking thirty years of age, yet the entire tenor of this thread feels as if it were about a couple of 17-year olds.
That they’d turn up so late on the one previous occasion he brought her his parents’ home, and that he is now pretty much urging his mother to feel inadequate makes me hope to God they do have their Christmas dinner at her parents’ place, and let OP enjoy hers without feeling she is all wrong.

You think OP should change her meal plans and buy an extendable table so her teenage DS and his girlfriend can have a roast dinner?

I don’t suppose I’ll know either way until the eleventh hour as he never knows what his plans are even when he doesn’t have a girlfriend and we are left with “I dont know what I’m doing yet” right up until the end so there’s every chance she might come or he might come on his own or he might go there in the end or just come for a while.

He usually does come but he’s used to coming and going as he pleases and doesn’t get that I’d like to know who I’m catering for.
His attitude to ordinary family plans is that I invite him and he says I might do, then he has an invitation but we have no idea if he will or not.

Not everyone likes the same thing? Turkey is as dull as it gets. In this house we’d rather eat lasagne and that’s what we do. No one here is fussed about roast dinners. Guess OP’s family are doing what they like.

If I were OP I’d suggest that!

His attitude to ordinary family plans is that I invite him and he says I might do, then he has an invitation but we have no idea if he will or not.

Well that's just rude.

I'd tell him to make other plans for lunch as yours obviously don't suit.