To say no to son’s girlfriend coming for Christmas.

[5littleducksallinarow]

We don’t have the biggest house and our very small dining table is in an alcove in the lounge, we pull it out for meals but there is 6 of us squeezed around this 4 seater table with 2 extra chairs.
Last year we decided to do a cold meat buffet instead and just have our plates on the sofa and it worked so we’ve decided to do the same again.
This year ds has a girlfriend and has asked if she can come for Christmas and I explained it will only be buffet but he’s unimpressed and says she’s from a posh family and would expect a traditional roast dinner.

Aibu to say we can’t cater for anyone else? We don’t mind if she wants to come for a while or even for some of the buffet but I will not be cooking a Christmas dinner.
Ds is concerned about her reaction to a non traditional roast.
We have met her once and I did put on a similar cold meats buffet back in the summer but she didn’t eat anything.

If he wants her to have a roast he can bloody cook it.

YANBU

Was gearing up to say YABU and that you should welcome her...but as you've done that and your son has turned his nose up then YADNBU! Just reiterate she is very welcome to join your family christmas, which will be a buffet. Up to them what they do with the invite.

Yanbu since you’re not banning her outright and have offered very reasonable compromises.

You haven’t said no - that’s up to them!
(Btw your son is cheeky)

Well of course YANBU! She fits in or doesn't come. Why didn't she eat anything last time, do you think? Can you ask him what she'd normally eat at a buffet? I do think it's worth being welcoming to kids' partners if possible, otherwise he might go elsewhere next year!

but he’s unimpressed and says she’s from a posh family and would expect a traditional roast dinner.

Ds is concerned about her reaction to a non traditional roast.

Lol, how do you even need to ask Mumsnet?

what is the reason that the girlfriend can’t stay at home or go to her own parents then? How old are they?

They both sound like cheeky and entitled arseholes.

I am not sure that this is a hill to die on. She may end up being your son’s wife and sometimes these early interactions set the tone for a long time to come…

Could you buy an extending table before Christmas? There’s still a bit of time.

He sounds an absolute pain in the rear, and a snob
it is the buffet or the buffet take it or leave itIs he always so demanding?

It is up to you of course - your house and you are the host - but could you reconsider? 6 or 7 people is not that many. You could probably add a small fold up table to your existing table and with a lovely table cloth make it look like one bigger table.

She may end up being your son’s wife and sometimes these early interactions set the tone for a long time to come…

It's for exactly this reason the OP should put her foot down now.

She's already got a cheeky entitled son, she doesn't need a cheeky entitled DIL too.

I have 3 DS and I would be mortified if any of them were like this.

I. would always welcome my DC’s partners but I certainly wouldn’t change my plans just because she’s ’from a posh family’. And you can’t make the full dinner work anyway with your space constraints. Not sure why she isn’t with her own family? But if she is do desperate for a Christmas Dinner, he can book them in somewhere then come to you afterwards. Or come for the buffet you are already doing.

This is one post where I really cannot understand people voting YABU. Have they actually read the full opening post or just the thread title?

I'd want to know if she has the option of another Christmas. That would colour my reaction to how CF they are.I am a little bit, it's Christmas day, why not do a Christmas dinner hot buffet to get round the table problem. However, at the end of the day she doesn't get to dictate your Christmas.

I'd not say she couldn't come, I'd just make clear that I'm not changing plans on account of her coming.

If she’s so traditional, why can’t she eat Christmas dinner with her own family who will provide the traditional arrangements she’s used to? She can come to you on Boxing Day.

This is one post where I really cannot understand people voting YABU. Have they actually read the full opening post or just the thread title?

I've read before that some people vote the opposite way if they feel the thread is made up.

So it's possibly that.

I would just say yes she can come but you will not be changing tou arrangements so if she wants a roast perhaps your son and his girlfriend should go to her family or à restaurant instead

A cold meat buffet eaten on laps on Christmas day sounds pretty grim, so I'm not surprised he'd like more effort. I also don't see how one extra person is an issue, don't you have a side table or something you can put against the main table?

He's trying to impress a new girlfriend so I totally understand his disappointment. And its sad that she doesn't want to be with her own family. I'd try and make it work, and expect him to help me find a solution. I wouldn't just shut him down.

To be fair to the OP’s son, a cold buffet for Christmas Day is not exactly standard (unless you are in the southern hemisphere). A sit down hot meal is not “posh” or “snobby “.

I’m torn. Because I wouldn’t do a cold buffet on the sofa for Christmas dinner full stop. But I wouldn’t want to be dictated to either.

If you say she has been to one of your buffet style spreads and didn’t eat anything then odds are she wouldn’t eat it at your Christmas either.

Just expect that he will spend more time at hers where she is comfortable and don’t moan that he is never home when that happens.

Tell DS that if she baulks at your non-posh dinner, then she can go elsewhere. Are you sure it's her, and not his insecurities that's driving this?

I don't think you should change anything, yes invite her but don't start doing different things that you don't want to do, to impress her. Your son isn't offering to cook I presume? If he is, let him.

Its Christmas, one day to have a sit down meal as a family. Can yoyr son help with the making it, my dc pitch in, it's part of Christmas

Grazing off a cold meat buffet and sitting on the sofa with your plates on your laps sounds spectacularly joyless. But you do you, obviously.

So you did say she could come. It's just ds that isn't happy about the menu. Sod that.