To say no to son’s girlfriend coming for Christmas.

[5littleducksallinarow]

We don’t have the biggest house and our very small dining table is in an alcove in the lounge, we pull it out for meals but there is 6 of us squeezed around this 4 seater table with 2 extra chairs.
Last year we decided to do a cold meat buffet instead and just have our plates on the sofa and it worked so we’ve decided to do the same again.
This year ds has a girlfriend and has asked if she can come for Christmas and I explained it will only be buffet but he’s unimpressed and says she’s from a posh family and would expect a traditional roast dinner.

Aibu to say we can’t cater for anyone else? We don’t mind if she wants to come for a while or even for some of the buffet but I will not be cooking a Christmas dinner.
Ds is concerned about her reaction to a non traditional roast.
We have met her once and I did put on a similar cold meats buffet back in the summer but she didn’t eat anything.

It was the first time we were meeting her so I asked him what she liked to eat and bought in specifically what he suggested, he’d said they’d be here for 5:00 so I cooked and put everything out and they turned up at 6:45 having already eaten.
I asked if she’d like anything and she said no thank you.

Luckily it was summer so we all sat around the big table on the patio but she didn’t have any food just asked for a cup of tea.
We had a nice chat and she seemed very friendly so I assumed a miscommunication on my sons part and let it go as we otherwise had a lovely time.

How old are they? Is it a long term relationship? Honestly, I can see both sides - a cold buffet on your knees seems quite sad for Christmas dinner and he clearly wants to include her and spend the day with you if he’s asked to bring her. The danger here is you push them to hers and don’t have him around for Christmas, would you be ok with that?

If he wants a proper Christmas dinner with his girlfriend then he can make it!

YANBU - You haven'ts aid she can't come. But have you thought of maybe a hot buffet rather than a cold one? It's Christmas!

Your title and post don't match. Is the issue that you don't want her to come or you don't want to cook?

Anyway YANBU to do the buffet you planned. YAprobablyBU to say she can't come. Suspect she'll be fine with anything and it's just your DS fretting about things.

DS has a girlfriend problem and/or you have a DS problem. Just repeat that she's welcome at your buffet lunch.

Obviously, it's up to you what you serve Christmas day. But honestly, cold meat on the sofa is a little bit misersble, surely you would like to be able to sit around the tale and enjoy a hot, fresh meal together? There are lots of ingenious, space saving options out there for table that would fit you all. I say this, not to pander to DS's girlfriend, but just so you can enjoy family mesls together in general.

I agree a cold buffet in front of the TV is not exactly what most people would have in mind for Christmas! However if it works for you, fine.

If it were me I would do everything in my power to extend the table somehow, either buy a small fold up table which could go on the end and then put a tablecloth over, or if there's room rejig the furniture for the day and bring the outside table in. Not just for the GF coming but for Christmas in general

So she should buy a new small table or extend her existing table/buy a new one and cook a traditional Christmas dinner because her son wants to bring his girlfriend that they have met once?

Maybe it would just be better if he goes to her parents for Christmas or they each do their own thing

To be fair to the girl, this might be your son over-interpreting what she wants because he’s anxious to impress her. If her family is richer than yours is he might feel on the back foot. Don’t proceed with the attitude that she’s being a little madam, you’ll make the day miserable for yourself and for them.

Also, given your previous experience, maybe she just doesn’t like cold meat. (I don’t.) Maybe ask if there’s any kind of buffet food she really likes?

You don’t have to change your overall plans, but I agree with others that it’s always a good idea to be as kind and welcoming as you can with your children’s partners.

Tell him that she’s more than welcome however he does not get to dictate what you serve. If he’s not happy he can make other plans.

It may be that your son didn't enjoy Christmas dinner done your way either, which is why he's pushing back so much against it. Frankly it sounds pretty miserable.

You shouldn't be pushed into changing it for her, but maybe its worth reviewing how the rest of the family felt about it.

Tell him to go to her "posh family" for Christmas and wind his neck in. Honestly!

Stop being so rude. She has already said their house is very small & and this is what they did last year and enjoyed it.

Not everyone lives in a huge house with plenty of side tables etc.

I would much rather eat at her house with a plate on my knee, then at the house with someone with your attitude.

She didn’t eat anything the last time you made an effort which is quite rude so why assume she’d eat a full cooked Christmas Dinner? She sounds like Smithy’s girlfriend from Gavin and Stacey.

On here we often hear about sons going to the girlfriends families for Christmas so it's nice to hear about a son wanting Christmas with his family.
But it does make me wonder why she isn't having dinner with her family and why isn't your son invited to theirs?
How old are they and how long have they been together?
I agree he probably wants to impress her more and show off his family Christmas. Did you used to have good Christmas dinners?
(Edited for typo)

I find this hard to believe, frankly! How old are these kids?

'Ds is concerned about her reaction to a non traditional roast.'

Seriously?!

Surely this young lady would be with her own family for Christmas day and lunch, anyway!

Invite her over for the evening buffet - or cheese, crackers and cake. Not difficult to solve.

I know.

I can't believe there are posters suggesting the OP should by furniture and cook a roast that she doesn't want, just to make this embarrassingly entitled young man, just that little bit more entitled!

Christ, no wonder there are so many shit husbands around.

The phrase you're searching for is Tough Shit. She can cook her own roast then.

I'll admit that I'd be deeply disappointed to go to someone's house for Christmas lunch and get a cold meat buffet to eat on my lap. And I'm not at all posh. So I can imagine that your DS would a bit embarrassed.

Having said that, if your family like it (did he enjoy it last Christmas?) then it's that or nothing for the GF. But I'd also expect him to be spending Christmas at her house for the foreseeable.

I think as long as you make it clear that you won't be doing a roast it's fine. Could they come for a visit and book themselves a hot meal at a restaurant if that's what they prefer?

This seems so odd. I would always want to accommodate someone my son was dating (granted he's currently 5 so a long way off) however I wouldn't be changing my plans.

How old is your DS? I'd put my foot down and say you won't be doing a full roast as that's not what you want to do. I think she should be invited if she wants to attend and can easily pull one of the dining room chairs to the sofa.

Personally it doesn't sound like the best Christmas but every family is different.

You have said she can join your day.

It's now upto your son and his GF as to whether they accept. They do however need to accept that they are joining the day and not dictating to others what they should or should not be doing. Your son is rather rude in trying to tell you what you need to do to accommodate him.

If they're not happy they can eat elsewhere.

I would find it bloody annoying if I put on a buffet and someone ate nothing.

You don't need a huge house or lots of side tables to cook and eat a hot family meal together? Most families in normal or small homes manage it fine! Isn't it generally s happy family tradition to squeeze everyone in?

We had five years of hosting Christmas for my family on Christmas Day and for DH’s enormous family on Boxing Day on a building site without a proper kitchen, and with various folding tables and borrowed chairs for people to eat at in the living room. Was it unideal? Absolutely? Did it involve cold meat eaten off laps because the set-up wasn’t the easiest or most spacious? No.

That was down to the DS. He knew his Mum was preparing a buffet full of food that he had said his girlfriend liked. Then he turned up almost 2 hours late with them having eaten before they arrived. Don't blame the girlfriend for the DS!!