To say no to son’s girlfriend coming for Christmas.

[5littleducksallinarow]

We don’t have the biggest house and our very small dining table is in an alcove in the lounge, we pull it out for meals but there is 6 of us squeezed around this 4 seater table with 2 extra chairs.
Last year we decided to do a cold meat buffet instead and just have our plates on the sofa and it worked so we’ve decided to do the same again.
This year ds has a girlfriend and has asked if she can come for Christmas and I explained it will only be buffet but he’s unimpressed and says she’s from a posh family and would expect a traditional roast dinner.

Aibu to say we can’t cater for anyone else? We don’t mind if she wants to come for a while or even for some of the buffet but I will not be cooking a Christmas dinner.
Ds is concerned about her reaction to a non traditional roast.
We have met her once and I did put on a similar cold meats buffet back in the summer but she didn’t eat anything.

Your DS is a CF. Ignore.

I don’t think they’re writing the whole day off, just saying that what is traditionally a big celebration meal eaten on the sofa is rather sad.

I agree with that, but it doesn’t mean I have an unhealthy relationship with food, more that Christmas dinner is an important part of the day and that the meal itself would be rather joyless.

So they could cook something for themselves if it's that important to them?

Hang on - I just read the bit about your lounge being 12 foot square?! So 3 feet by 4 feet....so your lounge measures 91 cms by 120 cms (with an alcove).?!!! I am surprised you can get any piece of furniture in there!!

You've made Christmas rather a non-event by having the feast of the year - basically - a snack in front of the telly. If I was your son, I'd be hoping for an invitation to the girlfriend's house😕

It's your house, it's up to you how you want to host! If you want to do a buffet and that is not to her taste, then that's on her. Some people are funny about buffets, but it doesn't mean you need to change your plans to accommodate one person. When I read the title, I assumed you just didn't want her there.

Same.

I think your buffet idea sounds lovely - it can be as festive as you like! There’s so many great pre made party foods these days that it doesn’t need to be a sad cold sausage roll affair.

Sounds like your DS has a chip on his shoulder about it. If the girlfriend wants to come for Christmas then she should be prepared for the way that you do it.

I am dying at these responses. "Can you buy a 6-8 seater?", "Just use an old door!!"

If OP had room for a 6-8 seater, I would imagine she'd have bought one and be using it. Borrowing chairs and trestle tables still requires room.

I think it sounds stuffy and joyless to not be able to enjoy Christmas with your family, sitting round with a drink on the sofa and spending time together.

Why don't they both go to her big posh parents' house for a lavish Victorian Christmas Day, if that's what she simply has to have. One person does not get to dictate what the host is offering. Then they can come to you on Boxing Day for a cold meat spread, or bugger off to the pub as the case may be.

Seriously?? You’re suggesting OP buys a new table, in a house where space is tight?

I would love a buffet. More relaxed x

Absolutely, but she wants to host and cook. It's very very important to her. It doesn't stop me privately really missing those dinners though.

I was expecting 16/17 year olds. OP, YANBU. Whilst a buffet wouldn't be my choice on Christmas day, it is absolutely your right to make it yours.

You DS sounds like a bit of a prat dictating what YOU should do and how it should be done because he views you as less than his GF's 'posh' family.

She might not even fancy the cold cuts on laps anyway, plus he can always organise his own festivities if he isn't impressed with yours.

You can still have nice food as a buffet!

@ricketybeauty "I am dying at these responses. "Can you buy a 6-8 seater?", "Just use an old door!!"

I know it's classic Mumsnet. I'm surprised no-one's told her to build an extension yet!

Clearly something's gone wrong here because that would mean her living room is smaller than a single bed!

To put that in perspective for the MN posh-nobs who've never set foot inside a small flat or terraced house -
if your horse is on livery that's the size of it's stable, if your horse is at home it's possible the stable is bigger!

In his late 20s? He's old enough to understand that every family is different, regardless of levels of 'poshness'. Your family is doing a buffet, as you did last year. That's fine. If he wants to bring her, she's welcome, but if he insists on a specific type of meal that you don't want/can't easily prepare and serve, that's just too bad.

I'd suggest that if the buffet embarrasses him, they can visit another day when there will be room to serve a hot meal at the table. It won't be Christmas Day, but oh well!

I was responding to a pp saying that thinking a cold buffet on the sofa instead of a roast dinner round the table is joyless = unhealthy relationship with food.
Not sure how your comment is relevant.

Yanbu to say you can't cater for everyone. I would say she can come but it'll be buffet and you aren't shifting on it. If they don't like it they can spend it with her family.

Ah, that's a much more reasonable post. Bravo!

What a load of rubbish!

In fairness no one actually knows what "she" thinks. This has all come from the OP's son and there is no indication she even knows what he had said to his mum 🤷🏻‍♀️

So all years (except last year) OP and family used do a proper Christmas roast dinner…

Last year they did cold meats on laps in front of tv (OP claims that everyone loved it, well just maybe her DS didn’t love it as much as she thinks …

GF or no GF, maybe DS wants to bring back the roast dinner tradition for Christmas….

he does sound old enough to cook and do the heavy lifting