To say no to son’s girlfriend coming for Christmas.

[5littleducksallinarow]

We don’t have the biggest house and our very small dining table is in an alcove in the lounge, we pull it out for meals but there is 6 of us squeezed around this 4 seater table with 2 extra chairs.
Last year we decided to do a cold meat buffet instead and just have our plates on the sofa and it worked so we’ve decided to do the same again.
This year ds has a girlfriend and has asked if she can come for Christmas and I explained it will only be buffet but he’s unimpressed and says she’s from a posh family and would expect a traditional roast dinner.

Aibu to say we can’t cater for anyone else? We don’t mind if she wants to come for a while or even for some of the buffet but I will not be cooking a Christmas dinner.
Ds is concerned about her reaction to a non traditional roast.
We have met her once and I did put on a similar cold meats buffet back in the summer but she didn’t eat anything.

Not considered that some people don't like hosting? Or even cooking?

I loathe Christmas and everything it stands for, and I'd sooner jump out of a plane than make a roast dinner and spend the day pleasing everyone but myself.

Is it not my day too? Am I not allowed to please myself?

Not wanting to host or cook doesn't make me a bad person, it means everybody is different and everybody has different priorities 🤷‍♀️

I think maybe the wrong question is being asked?

Rightly or wrongly, there are fairly standard Christmas dinner expectations, which usually aren't eating on plates on your laps, and cold food at that. It does sound kind of miserable (but if it works for you all, that's fine).

It really isn't 'posh' for most people to think that Christmas dinner will equal a hot meal, and eating at a table of some sort.

I understand your house can't accommodate that. Maybe the conversation with your son is around this perception that his GF is seen as 'posh' and you are 'not posh'. These are silly designations - your DS should be able to say - this is the set up in our house, don't have space for a sit down meal, this is what we do, and GF can come and enjoy or do something different with her own family.

But either are posh / not posh - it's simply the practical arrangement that works for your family OP.

If it doesn't bother you never to be able to host any kind of meal, that's ok but it sounds a bit challenging into the future - could you look ahead to any other options that might be possible, not just for Christmas but other occasions ahead?

It is in the lounge.
our lounge is 12 ft square with an alcove.

I wouldn't be impressed with him for this. Sounds like DS told her dinner would be a buffet and she decided she'd rather have something hot so they ate out then came to yours, with her having no idea you'd gone to the expense of buying in food specially for her because DS didn't tell her. Very disrespectful of him towards you TBH and I'm sure she'd have been mortified if she'd known the effort you'd gone to, only for it to be snubbed. If she's a nice person, that is. I wouldn't be buying in anything you don't usually eat this time, in case it happens again. Although the problem with well-off people is they often don't appreciate the value of money and have no idea that £20 wasted here or there can be a real issue in some households. Whether the issue was her or him or a bit of both, don't run around kowtowing to her idea of what Christmas day should be like. It's a totally unnecessary pressure on yourself.

He doesn't like it? He can cook it then.

I’m voting YABU just because cold meats for Xmas day sounds depressing. Even all going out for a meal would be better. There must be a way to add an extra bit of table on. Cold meats, on your knee? Hmm. Not my idea of fun. Totally up to you though, obviously.

Why on earth should they? This is what The OP has decided to do on Christmas Day and would welcome the girlfriend if she came. In what universe do guests get to choose what they're given to eat?

your house your rules. however a cold buffet on knees doesnt sound very festive to me. Last year around 15 of us crowded into DBILs house, food was served buffet style but hot, it was total chaos but all quite festive and christmassy.

He's definitely found someone just like his mum

You could squeeze 6 chairs round the table instead of recreating the Royal family round the sofa. You r sone could do the turkey.

I can't cook can do a turkey/ chicken

1 By small turkey or 2 days before then none of that unfreezing nonsene.

2 Skip the stuffing nobody likes that - shove it on the oven for how long it say on the packet

3 take it out

Think I put some marg in absence of butter on before shoving in the oven

It's your dinner have it how you want though.
I think its more coming from your son than the gf. Probably she does not fancy cold meats thats why she did not eat last time eg ham pork pies what else spam!

Ds can take a hike! Does the girlfriend think she's posh? Because if she does, she isn't.
YAmostDNBU!

This X a million.

And considering the OP has at no point asked anyone to critique her dinner plans I can only assume that some people have misread OPs post as AIBU to want to do a cold buffet for Christmas again this year?/Please help me avoid it at all costs.

I think it's lovely that they are choosing to spend christmas with you rather than with her family - take the win! Maybe your DS is just trying to impress her because he really likes her - you know what it's like with young love etc. Mine are always asking for specific dishes to be cooked when they bring a girlfriend or boyfriend round as they want to impress them. I know it's a bit cheeky for him to ask but it is pretty normal to pull out all the stops for christmas lunch and have a sit down meal. Can't you get a piece of MDF cut to fit on top of your table to make it bigger and then cover it with a table cloth? When they get older and all have partners you don't want to be sitting alone at Christmas because all your DCs have buggered off to their partner's parent's houses....

you do you 😊

lovely you are welcoming to her and she might not care about what’s on offer- if she does then her issue not yours!

Is anyone else thinking of our Anthony from the Royal family bringing Emma home 🤣 and she's from a wealthy well to do family? I absolutely love that scene when they are trying to offer her food but she's a vegetarian and nana turns around and says "she's a what...?" "Oh it's a shame for her, can she have wafer thin ham, Barbara?" 🤣🤣

If she wants a 6 course meal with all the trimmings she they can go round her parent's for it!

I get it, I just think it's a bit joyless.

When we do our Christmas family get together (not on Christmas Day) mum always did a big roast. It was brilliant. As she's got older, the roast has given away to a buffet, and it's 'ok' but it's just not the same. I wouldn't say anything to her because it's due to her getting older, but I used to really look forward to our family dinner, and now I don't in the same way.

How far away does he live?

Could he cook Christmas dinner at his for them & they visit later?

If she’s a nice, well brought up girl, she won’t care at all and if invited to someone else’s house, will be happy to spend Christmas their way.

I would suggest she comes for a Boxing Day instead. Far more conducive to a buffet and more relaxed.

Personally, I like christmas dinner around the table and in my granny’s old council house, we made that work with far bigger numbers than 7. Despite many of us having much larger homes, in nicer areas, that house will always be Christmas to me.

'Just buy a table' is such a MN response!

OP it sounds like your son just wants to impress his gf. The miscommunication over food the first time she visited sounds like poor comms on his part as well. I'd make sure you are totally clear with him what to expect if they join you for Christmas, then step back and let the two of the figure out whether they are in or out.

If you felt like compromising, a few hot items on the buffet would be a good middle ground. But you are the hosts so the guests shouldn't be dictating the meal!

I absolutely love this episode!

I'd be letting the cheeky brat go elsewhere

OP, would you be okay if they decided to spend Christmas Day with her family instead of lunch at yours?

this is what we do. In fact, isn't this what everyone does? Around 11.30 or 12pm very christmas day if you look out the front windows you will visitors to neighbouring houses bringing extra dining chairs, little folding tables etc

I wouldn't like a buffet on Christmas Day itself to be honest, and would probably go elsewhere. I would totally be happy to be squeezed in on a fold up table or something eveb if perched on a slightly too high stool Etc. It's part of the fun of the Christmas Day meal in my view.

If yku really haven't got a lot of space at all you could let everyone serve themselves Christmas dinner from dishes on the table then sit with their meals on trays wherever you would have all sat with a cold buffet.

It just never occurred to you to take over all of the cooking then?

She's welcome, you're having a buffet end of. Unless ... he's willing to do the prep and cook. You won't be the only ones eating on the settee. I know someone who doesn't have a dining table or breakfast bar, just two 3 seater settees, hard and picnic chairs. She's been having her three children, partners and four grandchildren for years. She obviously don't mind there's no table. When I had my first home, I only had a 2 seater settee, chair and microwave, my parents came.

So many posters -
"But what if her DS spends Christmas day at GFs house and OP never sees him again 😱 "

So OP is supposed to be a "pick me", in competition with his GF for her DSs affections now?