To say no to son’s girlfriend coming for Christmas.

[5littleducksallinarow]

We don’t have the biggest house and our very small dining table is in an alcove in the lounge, we pull it out for meals but there is 6 of us squeezed around this 4 seater table with 2 extra chairs.
Last year we decided to do a cold meat buffet instead and just have our plates on the sofa and it worked so we’ve decided to do the same again.
This year ds has a girlfriend and has asked if she can come for Christmas and I explained it will only be buffet but he’s unimpressed and says she’s from a posh family and would expect a traditional roast dinner.

Aibu to say we can’t cater for anyone else? We don’t mind if she wants to come for a while or even for some of the buffet but I will not be cooking a Christmas dinner.
Ds is concerned about her reaction to a non traditional roast.
We have met her once and I did put on a similar cold meats buffet back in the summer but she didn’t eat anything.

I do admire you hosting in a house you were renovating (honestly) & I grew up in a 3 Bed Terrace where there were about four generations of us and about 20 of us sleeping over on Christmas Eve and spending Christmas Day and having a traditional Christmas dinner around a combination of existing dining table and other things ( like decorating trestle tables) hidden under Christmas tablecloths!! I have only the most amazing memories of those Christmases!!

Then we moved overseas where we had a much larger home & 'hosting' was much easier (but actually a lot less fun)

And have lived in all kinds of different houses and situations as an adult.

but some houses here in the UK, are just too small to bring in outside furniture or put up additional trestle tables etc.

Plus, not everybody finds cooking a traditional Christmas dinner Easy or enjoyable. The OP is happy with her cold buffet on their laps on the sofa. Irrespective of what anyone else thinks! The DS doesn't live at home, he's in his late 20s, he needs to be the one to put in the effort to impress his new girlfriend if that's what he wants to do. Not impose on his Mum to do it for him.

Not everyone can afford to buy a new extending dining table just before Christmas either.

It's not compulsory to eat a traditional Xmas dinner on the 25 Dec. Just more brainwashing over the years .

Eat what you like.
If someone wants a trad dinner make your own or go out.

Make a rule that his friends current and future welcome to join you but you won’t alter your plans.

And have a chat, he’s not going to be able to hold on to a girlfriend by pretending things are something they are not. He should trust her to accept your family or find someone better suited.

Couldn't you be thankful you'd got an invite and some food.

I came from a family where partners weren’t welcome and its sets the tone. Also a cold buffet on your knees is a bit not great for chrismtas day. The fact that he still wants her to come and be I your house is lovely and prewar embrace it. Ally the posters saying out your foot down is a way to exclude him

he’d said they’d be here for 5:00 so I cooked and put everything out and they turned up at 6:45 having already eaten.
I asked if she’d like anything and she said no thank you.
Luckily it was summer so we all sat around the big table on the patio but she didn’t have any food just asked for a cup of tea.
We had a nice chat and she seemed very friendly so I assumed a miscommunication on my sons part and let it go as we otherwise had a lovely time.

Did you take it up with your son because he was the one at fault? Just because she seemed friendly you assumed it had to be a miscommunication, presumably if she had not been friendly, she would be held responsible for them turning up late having already eaten. DS told you he would be there at 5 and rocked up (with his GF) nearly 2 hours late, after eating first. That was 100% on him. Likewise , he is the one who wants to bring her for Christmas but has basically decided that what you're offering won't be good enough for her. She hasn't said or done anything. Stop focusing on her and deal with your son, who from the two examples you've given sounds rude, inconsiderate and a snob.

I'll type it slowly for you..

b e c a u s e. S h e. D o e s n ' t w a n t. t o

Some of these replies are so judgey...

Some people have small houses and some people don't have the money to buy a brand-new dining table for Christmas.

Yes, funny how people always fondly remember Christmas being a time where family comes together, relaxes, enjoys a turkey or traditional roast and the mum slaved all morning in the kitchen.
You are doing the catering, you lay down the rules. If your son wants a traditional roast, he can do it. Why does her family all go out, don't they like cooking?
Christmas is about family coming together, enjoying each others company, not upholding some imaginary standards.

Cold buffet on the sofa is not very festive but your choice. If you have a table that seats 6 you can always wedge in another stool or whatever. Maybe your DS should go to her family .

I wld invite her for supper - perfectly acceptable for that to be more a buffet and smaller - if her family is so posh then they will be having a big roast etc won't they. Personally I would be wondering why he needs to impress her with the full roast etc.

Having said that Christmas is usually a squash and a squeeze as no one now caters for full sunday roast for the whole family on a regular basis so they adopt the space for something else - rearranging and making do at times like Christmas

A buffet sounds very relaxed and might actually free the new gf from the pressures of a formal sit-down meal with potential in-laws who she doesn't really know. She might be fine with a buffet, and this might be all your son's insecurities!

I know they turned up last time having eaten, but that could easily have been because they were all new and googly-eyed over each other, and wanted a romantic dinner a deux.

I'm not sure why you're quoting my post to say that?

Saying that earlier is what got me into bother with another poster who said nobody was suggesting that, which they were🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️

We're all kind of cross posting now and miss quoting each other other🤣🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️

She'll probably want to have Christmas dinner with her own family anyway since they're a new enough relationship, either way it would be a no for me

Is it possible he found last year a bit depressing and using the Gf as an excuse to ask for a proper Christmas dinner again?!

I must admit having a plate of cold meat on my lap is not my idea of fun on Xmas.

Maybe offer that he can cook it with your help if he wants to? Can you borrow a fold up table and push furniture to one side or something just for the meal?

Let your son cook for then. You've not banned her from coming. She fits in with your plans or doesn't.

What does your cold meat buffet consist of? Is the girlfriend a vegetarian?
You're entitled to do what you like. But if your son enjoys a traditional Christmas, don’t expect him to be around next Christmas for a joyless cold meat buffet.

Agreed with this. Tell him to invite her over Boxing Day so she can have a nicer Christmas meal.

I totally agree with this!

It's not even 'so traditional', it's literally what 94% of us eat on Christmas Day.

I was agreeing with your post.

This. Better solution he goes and spends it with her posh family

I wouldn’t want to have a cold buffet on my knee on Christmas Day, lots of people prefer a formal sit down with all the trimmings. Your set up is unusual, and not really conducive to having guests, but it’s you home and you should have Christmas how you want.

either your son cooks, or she goes to her family on Christmas Day and you in Boxing Day.

Surely it should be about how the OP and the rest of the family feel about it, not just about the OP? Saying that, if she doesn't want to cook a roast and everyone else wants one, then they need to be doing most of the cooking!