To say no to son’s girlfriend coming for Christmas.

[5littleducksallinarow]

We don’t have the biggest house and our very small dining table is in an alcove in the lounge, we pull it out for meals but there is 6 of us squeezed around this 4 seater table with 2 extra chairs.
Last year we decided to do a cold meat buffet instead and just have our plates on the sofa and it worked so we’ve decided to do the same again.
This year ds has a girlfriend and has asked if she can come for Christmas and I explained it will only be buffet but he’s unimpressed and says she’s from a posh family and would expect a traditional roast dinner.

Aibu to say we can’t cater for anyone else? We don’t mind if she wants to come for a while or even for some of the buffet but I will not be cooking a Christmas dinner.
Ds is concerned about her reaction to a non traditional roast.
We have met her once and I did put on a similar cold meats buffet back in the summer but she didn’t eat anything.

Feel sick over the idea of a cold meat buffet? I'd hate to see how you react to a real problem!

Listen, if Dawn French can eat umpteen Christmas Dinners, why couldn’t the GF have a small portion from OP’s buffet earlier in the year? (Tbh I missed the update!)

Oh, you know tell her what they're doing and give her the option, he doesn't need to decide on her behalf. She's in her late 20 years, not months.

But I’ve never suggested we require medals. We both enjoy hosting, even in unideal circumstances. It’s not hard to make things fun. I mean, maybe the OP’s daily life is so grindingly difficult that she literally has no bandwidth for doing anything but the bare minimum on Christmas Day, in which case she has all my sympathy. But she hasn’t said that.

“she’s from a posh family and would expect a traditional roast dinner.”

So why doesn’t he go to hers for Christmas dinner, then? If you’re doing a roast, you can always accommodate an extra person. Your son is being v unreasonable, OP.

They're adults.

They can eat their dinner elsewhere and come to the OP for drinks/buffet in the evening.

Just like most decent human beings, they wouldn't expect her to be buying furniture and changing her plans to something she doesn't want, one month before Xmas.

Unless of course the son is a cheeky entitled young man...

🤣🤣. Probably because she doesn't have the same capacity as Dawn French.🤣🤣

I'm more of a Dawn French I'm sure I could've managed a little something.

But it was down to the DS, he knew his mum was preparing a buffet, but the pair of them arrived after they had eaten! I wouldn't be blaming the girlfriend!!

I think you can tell him she's very welcome but that your Chrisrmas plans won't change. Seperately, also try to talk to him about being proud of who he is and where he comes from.

I do tend to agree with others that Christmas lunch doesn't sound much of a celebration, but if that's what you've decided, that's what you're doing.

Well quite.

But the OP says her entitled DS is 'unimpressed'.

And

"Ds is concerned about her reaction to a non traditional roast."

But you're right, he should still give her the option of being unimpressed alongside himself.

Surely he would tell her before that there won't be a full Christmas roast. I wouldn't dare complain if the food wasn't what I expected when invited to somebody else's house. I would say she is welcome to come but you are not prepared to change your plans and if she expects something else she can go somewhere else.

Long term? They've only been together since the summer.

& she hasn't 'not included' his girlfriend.

It's him saying what he's offering isn't good enough.

I haven't said this was a real problem have I? I've just said I think the idea of a cold meat buffet for Christmas dinner is, in my personal opinion, unpleasant. It's fine if the OP wants to do that. Equally fine for her son to be disappointed at the prospect.

Is that how you would reward sneering? If my son spoke to me like that he would get told a few home truths. Not pandered.

Advise him to book a posh dinner out, but that it will cost him a fortune.

It is not the lack of a table that is the issue. The OP has decided they will be having a plates on laps buffet, everyone is happy with that, except the son. Who thinks his posh gf would not be able to cope.

I mean the obvious solution is that the gf invites him to her family meal of roast swan and truffled grouse and tells the butler to set an extra place.

Ds is concerned about her reaction to a non traditional roast.

He should get a grip.

There's nothing stopping him cooking for the girlfriend, if he's so worried.

@5littleducksallinarow why can’t you do a roast dinner in buffet style, everyone heaps their own plate and goes to the sofa to eat? You could get some nice cushioned trays to use.

Just because you are not sitting at the table doesn’t mean you can’t still have the full works!

Late 20s? I thought you were going to say teenagers judging by his request!

Forget about changing your usual arrangements, you can't please everyone so you gotta please yourself!

Suggest DS goes to HERS for dinner, and join you all later for drinks and fun in the evening.

I’m wondering if this is more your son feeling inferior to his girlfriend’s ’posh’ family and less about the girlfriend herself. She might love the idea of something less formal!
I love a Christmas roast but we have cold meats etc on Boxing Day and it’s bloody lovely!

You are being rude about OP's plans and you know you are! Stop acting like she's said she's going to put out a pack of basics reformed ham and make them eat that off a chipped plate.

A Christmassy buffet sounds absolutely lovely, and hosting doesn't have to mean sitting round a table. I'm sure they will manage to have fun and enjoy one another's company, from a sofa.

If you've got a big patio table, is there any chance of bringing that indoors for the Christmas meal?

I must admit, a cold meat buffet sounds seriously depressing to me. Can you not aim at a hot buffet with the traditional Christmas stuff included?

You've made a huge assumption here:

The OP has decided they will be having a plates on laps buffet, everyone is happy with that, except the son.

The OP had never said what the rest of the family thought of it, including the son. It's just as likely that everyone wants a normal Christmas dinner but feels like they can't say anything.

I also don't get why it has to be cold meats on laps if table space is limited. It could just as easily be a roast on laps (or find another table to stick on the end - be creative).

If I understand you correctly you haven't said no to her coming. You've said no to changing the meal plan because your son doesn't think the current one is good enough for her. And quite right too.
Your son needs to learn that his home and family are not there to impress his GF. That just because her family may be wealthier or whatever, doesn't mean special treatment is required. That you are who you are, that's the offer, and she takes it or leaves it.

It's the company and being together that counts, not the food. A buffet sounds nice to me.