Son can’t afford to live at home but we have no space for him

[nomorestripes]

My son (27) moved out at 21 to live with his girlfriend and when that didn’t work out he rented a room in a shared house, he has always worked but lived hand to mouth and now he has lost his job.

He can’t afford to rent his room anymore as he is only going to get £400 a month in benefits and his housing benefit won’t cover all his £600 rent leaving a short fall of about £200, his car insurance is about £100 a month which he needs to get a job and his phone is about £50 a month which he needs to get a job and his car tax is due this month so even paying that monthly it all comes to more than he will receive.
I don’t have the means to support him as I am a full time carer for my disabled 4 year old.
My husband is not his dad and we only have a 2 bed house as our 4 year old was born after he moved out so now has his old room.
We have no space for him and I can’t expect my husband who is the only earner on a low wage to support a grown adult as well as his own wife and child.

He has mentioned that he might have to move back home but realistically we have a tiny lounge with a small corner sofa and two bedrooms so we don’t have room and if we did have our 4 year old in with us we have no idea how long that would be and he would be in no position to contribute financially and we only just scrape by as it is.
But… he’s my son and I need to help him as he is trying so hard to find a job and although this is his first month so he still has his wages left once his benefits start coming in he will not be able to afford his room.
I am so worried for him but I just don’t know how we can make it work, supporting him will be too much for my husband with no end date in sight.

Where’s his dad?

It's a very difficult situation for sure, but I would bring the 4yr old in with me and have some in other room.
I know it's not ideal but I could t turn one of my kids away.
If I lived in a cardboard box, I'd still share it with them.
I would also be making sure he spent every money looking for work

What's the reason he can't find ANY work and get paid again 6-8 weeks from now?

He is 27. You might have moved away or abroad. You’ll have to tell him that you don’t have space.

He can't move in with you, there isn't room. He needs to get a short term job, and/or let his car go and look for work on public transport. Running a car is too expensive for someone who can't afford their rent.

Can't be get a cheaper phone? Mine is sim only and is £10 a month

There's a few options first he can apply to the council for discretionary housing benefit - this should help cover the shortfall between benefit and his rent for a short period.
Secondly he does not need a £50phone contract to work - my phone contract is unlimited calls/texts and 60gb Internet and its £7.20 a month.
Can he downgrade car/insurance as well?? 100pcm for insurance is ludicrous at 27.

Have you tried looking for a job recently?

He needs to learn to budget and for savings for a rainy day.
£50 per month for a phone? When did he last go to the pub?

Yeah, he's 27 not 17. You need to stand firm on this.

I imagine the job market is the reason.

OP I would squash him in however you can, even if it’s a blow up mattress. You seem to view it as only your husband bringing in income so therefore it would be his money supporting adult DS, however he’s presumably only able to work full time and earn a wage because you are doing the childcare, so therefore income is technically from you (or is at least facilitated by you).

Make sure you’re claiming everything you can.

That must be difficult for everyone.

I'd have him sharing with his little brother! Not too comfortable, but somewhere to live while he sorts himself out.

He needs something as a stop gap! Hes still your son and you need to make this work temporarily

He has only just lost his job and is still living off his last wages but after spending the last couple of weeks desperately searching for anything he hasn’t heard anything back.
Unfortunately we live rural which makes matters worse as he needs to look for work in the neighbouring towns.

Would he still get £400 in benefits if he lived at home? If he would, then I'd put him in with the 4 year old and ask for £200 per month for food. Living in a small room with a 4 year old will make him focus on getting a job.

I'd make it work if it was my ds. Even if it meant him sleeping on the sofa.

He is more than focused on getting a job, he’s never been unemployed in his life.

4 year old comes in with you, and he takes that room. You cannot leave your own son homeless. I feel like you would make it work if your DH was his Dad.

His dad, a friend. But realistically he should just get temping work somewhere, if he has no ties with children then he’s available to work anytime and temp work is quick fix and can lead on to permanent

He’s on the sofa then. You can get a cheap sofa bed on Marketplace. You can’t see him homeless, surely?

What other choice is there? Where will he go if you can't take him in? This situation is so common for young people nowadays, the job market is pitiful and low paid.

Im also in a 2 up 2 down, and would always take in my child if he needed it. Can't he sleep on the sofa? If you put a time limit on it that might help everyone including him

Because I can't imagine many 20 somethings would want to be on a sofa in a small house for long. If you see no evidence of him looking for a job then that's different, but why not give him a chance?

Absolutely this. I’d help him get back on his feet.

I could never turn one of my children away . Do you expect him to sleep on a park bench ?

He could get a better deal for the phone and car insurance and as your house will be uncomfortable and possibly unwelcoming I'm sure he'll be out ASAP. Get a blow up bed to give him somewhere to sleep temporarily.

I’d offer him the settee on a temporary basis and store his things in my room, unless another family member can offer him a room.
I wouldn’t be with a man who wouldn’t help me support my child.

Yes he'd still get the £400 per month. But he wouldn't be able to claim help with rent if he lived at home

Market research companies are looking for home workers. Usually weekly/fortnightly pay and easy work to get. Would that also help tide him over whilst he job hunts and make it a short stop over at yours?