Son can’t afford to live at home but we have no space for him

[nomorestripes]

My son (27) moved out at 21 to live with his girlfriend and when that didn’t work out he rented a room in a shared house, he has always worked but lived hand to mouth and now he has lost his job.

He can’t afford to rent his room anymore as he is only going to get £400 a month in benefits and his housing benefit won’t cover all his £600 rent leaving a short fall of about £200, his car insurance is about £100 a month which he needs to get a job and his phone is about £50 a month which he needs to get a job and his car tax is due this month so even paying that monthly it all comes to more than he will receive.
I don’t have the means to support him as I am a full time carer for my disabled 4 year old.
My husband is not his dad and we only have a 2 bed house as our 4 year old was born after he moved out so now has his old room.
We have no space for him and I can’t expect my husband who is the only earner on a low wage to support a grown adult as well as his own wife and child.

He has mentioned that he might have to move back home but realistically we have a tiny lounge with a small corner sofa and two bedrooms so we don’t have room and if we did have our 4 year old in with us we have no idea how long that would be and he would be in no position to contribute financially and we only just scrape by as it is.
But… he’s my son and I need to help him as he is trying so hard to find a job and although this is his first month so he still has his wages left once his benefits start coming in he will not be able to afford his room.
I am so worried for him but I just don’t know how we can make it work, supporting him will be too much for my husband with no end date in sight.

Can his Dad help him out, @nomorestripes? If his grandparents are local and have a spare room, he could ask them too. I know a 25-year-old who's currently living with his widowed Grandma and it's worked out really well as she enjoys the company.

Otherwise, he may have to get an inflatable mattress and camp out with you until he gets a new job. He sounds as if he's trying his best and he'll get something eventually.

Edit to say that I don't think he should give up his car right now as it gives him more employment options. He should look at his phone contract though, he can probably get something cheaper.

Slightly off topic. But he does not "need" a £50/month phone contract.

I would never turn a child of mine away. Somehow, I would make it work.

I would make him feel welcome in his hardship. He is still your son. Either 4 year old in with you or they possibly share a room? If he's really determined to get a job, something will come up soon enough and then he can save towards his next move. It doesn't sound like he will take the mick.

Short term hardship let him in ! .clear boundaries / up early tidies bedding away and let him save up.
It's not his fault his dad isn't around and moved on and had more DC ( not your fault either )

Errr hello, do you what it’s like at the moment in the job market?

He doesn’t need to work in a neighbouring town if he’s on better wages, he’d be able to afford to commute then. Tell him to start looking at all job areas, not just whatever he’s been at. He can upskill while he’s working with free courses, ChatGPT (the only thing I believe normal people should use it for!) if he’s always been working he’ll find something. Don’t let him go homeless. There’s two on our roads on the streets somewhere who were let down by their family

Yes and if anyone else can help out he can spread himself around on a rota.

Have you ever lived rurally? I do, you cant get to places with a push bike just as easiliy as driving. Its at least an hour to our nearest town on a bike. Thats fine in summer but in Winter, with dark nights there is no way anyone is biking along the country lanes where we live. Sometime a car is essential

It’s like they want to just squeeze everyone from all sides when people like OP’s son are genuinely hardworking and can’t access enough help 🫠

Regarding the rent sometimes universal credit does pay over the threshold, has he explored that?

Citizens Advice Getting Help With the Cost Of Living - also has a link to bugeting tool

Benefit caclulator

Who else is in his life? Does he have any other family (aunts, uncles, cousin) or good friends with a spare room? I’d be asking around as it’s times like these families and friends help each other out.
Also with the view to moving locations. Much harder to get a job if you’re rural, he’s 27 with experience - would have less problem getting something in a city.

Fold up bed for living room.
Teach him to budget and look for a job.
I could never turn my child away. Ever.

Yes that's morrages going up and endless new rules to protect renters ! All gets passed on doesnt it people don't rent houses like a charity

It's very difficult to find work right now. It's not a case of walking into a supermarket with a c.v in hand anymore. You have to fill in arduous application forms for some of the simplest jobs. Employers are incredibly fussy - if they see any gaps, you're disqualified. If they think you are overqualified by a tiniest degree, you're disqualified.

Can I suggest he applies to McDonald's?
The usually have vacancies because it's hard. Sometimes they put you on the graveyard shift when you start but hey ho.
I've been a senior director and if I see McDonald's on a CV I'm impressed.

I’d never turn my back on my kids so it would be a no-brainer that he comes back. Sofa or put-you up-bed. Becoming homeless is horribly easy to happen.

It’s awful how quickly things can change. I feel sorry for the man. He sounds enterprising but has no safety net at all.

A few generations ago he’d have been married with a mortgage at his age.

Hundreds and hundreds of people apply for each McDonald’s job now.

Think of these families from different ethnicities who have entire families in one room etc.

Short term, really strict boundaries ///gives you small contribution on moving in whilst he catches his breath and makes enough to get another room .agree 50 quid phone is stupid .

Loads of places are getting their seasonal workers in now.

He's your son. I'm not saying you need to support him forever, but you can't see him out on the streets when he's fallen on hard times.

Bluntly, it doesn't matter how difficult it will be for you. If your child loses their job and needs somewhere to stay whilst they get on their feet, you make it work.

Luckily, it sounds like he has a good work ethic and is unlikely to want to stay long anyway. Was his previous role something he's trained for, or more of a job than career?

Have you any idea how many peoole are applying for Mcdonalds jobs ?

Helpful.

I'd make it work, him moving in with them. Even if it's a blow-up mattress on the floor in the living room. Or he bunks in with his little brother.
Both situations put a safe roof over his head, but should work well at focusing the mind towards getting a job. If he's as determined as you say he is towards getting a job, then it shouldn't be too long.