Son can’t afford to live at home but we have no space for him

[nomorestripes]

My son (27) moved out at 21 to live with his girlfriend and when that didn’t work out he rented a room in a shared house, he has always worked but lived hand to mouth and now he has lost his job.

He can’t afford to rent his room anymore as he is only going to get £400 a month in benefits and his housing benefit won’t cover all his £600 rent leaving a short fall of about £200, his car insurance is about £100 a month which he needs to get a job and his phone is about £50 a month which he needs to get a job and his car tax is due this month so even paying that monthly it all comes to more than he will receive.
I don’t have the means to support him as I am a full time carer for my disabled 4 year old.
My husband is not his dad and we only have a 2 bed house as our 4 year old was born after he moved out so now has his old room.
We have no space for him and I can’t expect my husband who is the only earner on a low wage to support a grown adult as well as his own wife and child.

He has mentioned that he might have to move back home but realistically we have a tiny lounge with a small corner sofa and two bedrooms so we don’t have room and if we did have our 4 year old in with us we have no idea how long that would be and he would be in no position to contribute financially and we only just scrape by as it is.
But… he’s my son and I need to help him as he is trying so hard to find a job and although this is his first month so he still has his wages left once his benefits start coming in he will not be able to afford his room.
I am so worried for him but I just don’t know how we can make it work, supporting him will be too much for my husband with no end date in sight.

It's not hard, do you want your child on the streets homeless or do you want to struggle slightly extra for a few months?

Assuming your husband works minimum wage at 60 hours a week as you said, then thats 3k, plus the benefits you'll be getting - plus your sons small income for the mean while until he finds work

You do the thing that parents do and say look, we can give you a bed but can you pay the council tax we miss out on (why do you lose £96 on that anyway?)

and you have to feed yourself

I had to move home at 21 with a child for 8 months when I left an abusive relationship, I paid £300 rent, sorted my own food, anything left over went on things like canvas wardrobes, a cabinet, a kettle and toaster

I will assume your living in council/housing property so you would actually be eligible for a 3 bed house instantly anyway.

I could never see my child on the streets regardless of age, do you really want him in a shelter ?

Do you think he won't find a job? What is this

It’s just a no OP. He’s a grown man and he’s past having his Mummy as a safety net. You don’t have the space, your OH doesn’t want it. It will be detrimental to your relationship, finances and living situation. It’s not your problem to solve 🤷🏼‍♀️ I know he’s your son but he’s also an adult that will shortly be homeless. I love my DC and they thankfully will always have their rooms in my house but if I couldn’t afford it or my circumstances changed I wouldn’t feel guilty…

He needs to get rid of that phone for a start and get £10 sim only,he can do Deliveroo etc or Just Eat delivery if you are living in a city or town? Is your child at school or something similar unless they have just turned 4? I’m asking this as maybe you could help him to find work or get something part time yourself to help him out short term

OP have you discussed it with your husband?

You seem to be pleading poverty, and I don't really see how you can. Your monthly income is more than most. Your son however has fallen on genuinely hard times. I grew up with parents who at many times had absolutely nothing but the one thing I was always told was we may not be able to help you finicially but there will always be a roof and a home you can come back to. You may want to consider that one day you will be old and very well may need his help, and he may remember this time in his life were you did not help him.

I'm sure your son is not thrilled to be living back with you either, but it sounds like he has little choice and is in a shit position.

If it were my adult child, I let them come back, but I'd make it clear it's temporary, and he needs to find a job and then move out again. Maybe 3-6 months sounds fair.

Its sad how so many young people still depend on their parents even in their late 20s and 30s. Scary isn't it.

I don’t remember that time when I didn’t help him.

I understand you're lashing out now because you dont like it being pointed out to you that you are not a good mother to your DS, you are clearly devoid of emotion and your DH is more important to you than your own child.

I wouldnt expect anything less tbh. Being spiteful to me doesn't change the fact you came on here saying you didnt want to help your own child - it's there in black and white, don't backtrack now!

I have a lovely family and children who I would do anything for, unlike you.

Imagine bragging that your own parents help you out with your car, money and bills but in the same breath you apparently can't help your own son. Incredible logic there, and you've got the audacity to try to slag off my intelligence. Google the dunning-kruger effect, your face will be next to the description 🤣

Maybe if your parents are in a position to help you when needed, they might be able to help their grandson to get on his feet by helping with a few food shops or making up the difference in his rent for a month or two?
just a thought!

Apply to council they have to pay his rent or he will be homeless..
Yes he has lost his job but thats what housing benefit is there for .
For these situations he doesnt need to come home ... everything else will have to dealt with after the roof over his head is sorted first things first.
Phone ridiculous mine is 10 pound a month unlimited minutes and texts.
Car insurance he might have to sorn it until he gets a job.

I've been in the "job ending while renting with a car predicament"

I applied for jobs and then SORN'd the vehicle when nothing was happening jobwise... and that was back in 2010, when a second hand car cost less than Trump's gold toilet !

OP has mentioned her son is rural, he may regret selling it ASAP

If I were in his shoes I'd hang fire doing anything with the car for at least a month, in case he needs the vehicle to attend interviews and then SORN the vehicle as a first measure

He then retains the opportunity to revisit to see if he really does need to sell, when balanced against the cons.

A lot of this hinges on whether the Local Authority are able to consider a discretionary payment for the full rent for the first 6-12 weeks AND/OR him having a sensible conversation with his landlord about paying a reduced portion, with an agreement to repay the arrears when back in work..

his landlord can't evict him for at least 3 months anyway.

I'm sure he'd rather have a tenant who cooperates by paying a decent % of the rent, than simply throwing their hands up in their air and saying "I can't afford it, I've lost my job, the benefits don't cover it" and letting the courts handle the process over at least 3-5 months...., especially in their current log-jammed state

This l could not let my DS.be homeless

Good grief. You honestly think that there's regular public transport in a rural area that will get him to wherever his work is located?

@nomorestripes squeeze him in somehow. He reduces his phone costs, put the car off the rd for now and use buses. He can contribute £100 a month from his benefits to your household until he finds work. He will have to take whatever job available to him. Good luck.

Of course you can all squash up in your house for a few months while he gets back on his feet. Sounds like he’s really trying to get a job. So it’s more a question of whether you want to

Your thinking is very much a UK thing. I have family from Eastern Europe. My cousin's marriage broke down and his mother would cook for him and do his laundry! He was in his late 40s!... This is almost expected. Nobody batted an eyelid. I might be wrong but suspect it's like that in much of the world.

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

That's totally uncalled for.

This whole thread is taking about how you can't afford to help him?? When it does seem like you can you just don't want to make any sort of sacrifice/inconvenience

Personally I’d would make room and welcome him home until he gets on his feet.

Does your monthly phone payment include buying the phone as well as the calls/texts??

I know probably why her previous post wss deleted but they walk amongst us.

He doesnt live in the countryside, why do people keep repeating this, read the thread.

Who cares what happens in Eastern Europe, of course this might be a UK thing, this is the UK, OP is probably in the UK