Son can’t afford to live at home but we have no space for him

[nomorestripes]

My son (27) moved out at 21 to live with his girlfriend and when that didn’t work out he rented a room in a shared house, he has always worked but lived hand to mouth and now he has lost his job.

He can’t afford to rent his room anymore as he is only going to get £400 a month in benefits and his housing benefit won’t cover all his £600 rent leaving a short fall of about £200, his car insurance is about £100 a month which he needs to get a job and his phone is about £50 a month which he needs to get a job and his car tax is due this month so even paying that monthly it all comes to more than he will receive.
I don’t have the means to support him as I am a full time carer for my disabled 4 year old.
My husband is not his dad and we only have a 2 bed house as our 4 year old was born after he moved out so now has his old room.
We have no space for him and I can’t expect my husband who is the only earner on a low wage to support a grown adult as well as his own wife and child.

He has mentioned that he might have to move back home but realistically we have a tiny lounge with a small corner sofa and two bedrooms so we don’t have room and if we did have our 4 year old in with us we have no idea how long that would be and he would be in no position to contribute financially and we only just scrape by as it is.
But… he’s my son and I need to help him as he is trying so hard to find a job and although this is his first month so he still has his wages left once his benefits start coming in he will not be able to afford his room.
I am so worried for him but I just don’t know how we can make it work, supporting him will be too much for my husband with no end date in sight.

You take him in and make it work he’s your son and he needs you. Either he shares with your 4 year old or you take the 4 year old in with you.
he needs support at this rough time in his life until he’s back on his feet again.
where is his father ? Can he be approached for financial assistance?

Can’t he crash in the living room while he’s getting back on his feet?

He also needs to review his spending, £50/month on a phone is silly.

Take him in and do everything you can to help him, it will be hard of course it will, but try not to not pick at each other, just because you're a wee bit crowded. Help him, but make him pay his way and pull his weight.

I’d also ask grandparents aunts and uncles for temp bed while job hunting.

Yep I agree.

A room in a rural shared house is £600pcm? That seems high if the local UC rent allowance will only stretch to £400 - usually they reflect the rental costs of the area you live don’t they?

Is there any cheaper shared accommodation he can find which would be covered?

This. Just shocked at people saying to turn him away. He could literally end up on the streets.

Your four year old can either sleep in your room or your adult son can sleep on the sofa.
Most people, for most of history, for their entire lives have lived whole families in tiny dwellings. For you it will only be a short term fix till he gets a job and can move out again.

Okay well since he is genuinely hardworking and employable he should be sorted before long. I live rurally and there are some jobs they are always recruiting for (because they are not appealing for one reason or another). It's paid-by-item parcel delivery work, cleaning holiday homes, and social care. Obviously the exact roles vary by area but is there really absolutely no undesirable work in your area at all?

As it's likely to be only a month or two, I'd let him stay on the sofa or kip on the floor in your child's room. If he's living with you I presume he won't get housing benefit but he will get the rest so he can pay his way in terms of food and a contribution to additional electricity.

He is only a couple of hundred quid off having a month's grace to get a job. Can he sell some clothes vinted or eBay just to tide him over until gets a new job?

Agreed, the job market is horrendous at the moment. Even for those well in the swing of their careers.

OP, he’s your son at the end of the day. What other choices are there? I’d say you’d need to have the four year old in with you and have your son in his old room temporarily.

It sounds like he’s been a hardworking, independent lad up until now and just needs a hand.

How would that work? He'd still be liable for his rent. He can't just stop paying and leave the rest of the house in the lurch.

No unfortunately rents have risen and the housing allowance hasn’t. A 2 bed round here is £1500+ and the housing allowance is £950 for a 2 bed. This is the same for a majority of areas there is always a shortfall.

2 bed was just my example but it’s the same for 1 beds etc. just I know the 2 bed off the top of my head.

I agree with the other posters, 4 yr old goes in your room. I’m sure it will only be temporarily until your son gets back onto his feet again.
I’d never turn away one of my children. I’ll always, & have always been, there for all 3 of my children, & I always will be. You just make it work when it comes to family.

Can he drive for uber or ubereats?

Offer him the sofa or he bunks in with four year old.

I agree with this
Let him stay tul he gets back on his feet. He needs you, hes your son

He would still be able to claim Universsl Credit if he moved in with you temporarily. It’s likely to be only the job seeker element but it’s something. He could contribute to the household to mitigate increased food & utility costs while he’s there and hopefully he’ll find work soon.

Im also a bit shocked. Hes lived out of home for 6 years, its not as if he wants to go back. This isnt the same as a post saying their 27 year old son was a dosser with no job for years and refusing to move out.

I would never turn my child away, particularly in this circumstance. Sure have some ground rules around money and food etc (he buys some of his own with his benefits for example). But I couldn't in good conscience turn them onto the streets. The amount of people on here saying do that to your own child is pretty depressing.

No one needs a £50pm phone. It's easy to get a basic phone for no more than £10pm for the handset and a £5pm deal for calls and a bit of data.

Housing benefit will cover at least the median local cost for a single room in a shared house. If hb isn't covering his rent then he is renting a far posher room than he needs and there will be plenty of more basic rooms he can downgrade to.

It is not the case that he needs a car in order to get a job. Lots of people don't drive. He could swap the car for a decent bike and some waterproofs and have just as much range of places he can jobhunt in as he would as a driver. £100pm is a lot of money and should be taken as a signal that it's not a good idea for him to drive.

He has signed up for an expensive lifestyle without the security to back it up. Taking on commitments for phones and cars and rent that rely on permanent secure employment shouldn't be done without backup savings to cover a few months living expenses in case of sudden unemployment. Until you've got that level of savings and/or job security you keep your living expenses and commitments modest. You can't have a jaguar type 01 lifestyle on a ford escort budget.

Never turn your back on your children. He can do housework, cooking and look after the little one.

Why won't he get housing benefit? £400 a month is going to be UC,he needs to claim housing benefit off his council.He doesn't earn that well he needs to shop around for much better rates on car insurance and mobile phone,both are quoted as massively high.

He's 27.

What would happen if he didn't have mum (or missing dad)?

He'd still have an eviction process to go through, he could sofa surf or apply for other relief.

There's a long way to go before homelessness and tbh given the circumstances he has time before he is homeless in which he can find a job.

You don't budge from "No" until he's gone through process. He needs to be figuring this out himself first.

If the only reason you have not to want him coming home until he sorts out job is your place is small then you are just going to have to make it work.

If he was into drugs or something else you had to protect your younger child from or he wouldn't put in effort to sort out a new job and accommodation as soon as possible then best not to let him home. However from what you have said he is fine.

We parents of adult kids need to offer a support cushion when it is reasonable. Not saying that sometimes it isn't a pain in the bum for us to help them. We did sign up for this type of thing though, even if during the baby stage this wasn't one of the things we thought to worry about.

I was thinking this.

it's not going to solve the £200 shortfall but his contract is almost double what I pay for mine.

Going to have to compromise somewhere.

N/A he has a mum…