Son can’t afford to live at home but we have no space for him

[nomorestripes]

My son (27) moved out at 21 to live with his girlfriend and when that didn’t work out he rented a room in a shared house, he has always worked but lived hand to mouth and now he has lost his job.

He can’t afford to rent his room anymore as he is only going to get £400 a month in benefits and his housing benefit won’t cover all his £600 rent leaving a short fall of about £200, his car insurance is about £100 a month which he needs to get a job and his phone is about £50 a month which he needs to get a job and his car tax is due this month so even paying that monthly it all comes to more than he will receive.
I don’t have the means to support him as I am a full time carer for my disabled 4 year old.
My husband is not his dad and we only have a 2 bed house as our 4 year old was born after he moved out so now has his old room.
We have no space for him and I can’t expect my husband who is the only earner on a low wage to support a grown adult as well as his own wife and child.

He has mentioned that he might have to move back home but realistically we have a tiny lounge with a small corner sofa and two bedrooms so we don’t have room and if we did have our 4 year old in with us we have no idea how long that would be and he would be in no position to contribute financially and we only just scrape by as it is.
But… he’s my son and I need to help him as he is trying so hard to find a job and although this is his first month so he still has his wages left once his benefits start coming in he will not be able to afford his room.
I am so worried for him but I just don’t know how we can make it work, supporting him will be too much for my husband with no end date in sight.

£100 pm car insurance seems a lot fir a 27 yr old! Did he only recently pass his test? DD21 paid £600 for her 2nd year of driving. He probably needs to sell his car. Non drivers work too, using public transport to get there. He can’t affordbthe luxury of a car sadly.

Everyone knows it’s harder to get work today than it was year’s ago. Have you been asleep?

He might need to go further, and look further. 27 with a car and no ties he can basically go anywhere. He might have to find a few seasonal jobs (Xmas retail, factory, warehouse etc) to tied hime over while he looks for something long term and in his field.

I would, as it seems like this isn’t something he does regularly, and is genuinely in need of support.

The amount of benefits will be low but I don’t see why this means your husband would be financially supporting him? Is the one who is saying no?

He does need to come home, the alternative is homelessness. It's going to take a while to get a job, then get paid by the jobm then save enough money for a month or two's deposit/rent in advance to find another place to live. At least you know he's not a shirker and likes to work.

Let him come home until he gets himself on his feet again. You could charge some rent as well as ask him to help out at home a lot.

Yeah I always notice that on these types of threads. “You need to get rid of the phone contract, mine only costs 2 pence a month”

As if literally anyone would be paying £40/50/60 a month on a contract if you could just stop paying it whenever and get a sim only.

You know him, he won’t take advantage and he’ll get a job asap, so yes you do need to make it work. It’s only temporary.

He'll be fine on the sofa for a couple of months. Your 4 year old will probably love it tbh

Random thought but...

Has he considered the working holiday visa for Australia? He's under 30, healthy, has work experience and would therefore probably qualify.

The car could be sold to fund the ticket.

It's an option!

Couldn't he share with your younger son?

He must know the situation in your house. When he said he might have to move back home did you ask him where? What does he expect to happen, the 4 year old to be kicked out of their room?

What even is the point of this thread? Make space. What other options were you expecting to hear? Did you think people would tell you to let your son sleep on the street?

He is after a secure job and home, not a gap year jaunt.

He doesn’t want to support another adult when he is supporting his wife and young child on a low wage that we can just about get by on.
Our 4 year old is disabled and needs a lot of care and with our double bed and built in wardrobe there is no room for a single bed in our room and so we’d be sharing a bed with a 4 year old.
The small bedroom is not big enough for 2 beds and the lounge is only just big enough for a small 4 seater corner sofa and Dh likes to stay up late and will not want him asleep on the sofa or waiting for him to go to bed.
I do think that him moving home will cause a lot of friction In our marriage and there is no guarantee he will find anything soon or another place to live.

Do you have any warehouses near you? We are rural but the next town over is full of them as we are in the Midlands, there is always work in those. Usually through agencies, try AM2PM and googling warehouse agencies near you. At this time of year he could be in a job by the end of the week.

Its not the best job ever and usually temp contract but it will bring money in until he finds something else. The money isnt bad and if he is prepared to do nights, he will get better pay.

This is sad, OP.
It sounds like he is trying his best. Can he stay on your sofa for the time being? Would you really want to see him out on the streets?

If his phone is contract, he can't really do much about that until it expires. Having a car gives him a lot more prospects in terms of jobs he can do.

If you’re rural - he should get a cleaning job at a school or Amazon driver. Not ideal but can easily make £200 to cover the shortfall and still be earning when looking for a job

DH wanting to stay up late watching TV vs your DS homeless on the street.

Also get him to have a look on Spare room as that is usually where lodger rooms are advertised, being a lodger will be cheaper than an HMO.

I think its a windup

There are really only 4 options if he doesn’t find a job really quickly.

1. he sleeps on your sofa which sounds unlikely.
2. He finds somewhere else to stay such as a really cheap room in a shared house.
3. He finds somewhere else to stay such as a friend’s sofa.
4. He lives on the streets.

Kind of disappointing to marry someone who doesn't like your eldest child and is actively against supporting them during hardship

Take your son back in temporarily until he is back on his feet
share with his brother, sleep in the lounge

he is still your child

Is being a food delivery driver an option on your area?

I agree, this must be a wind up. No parent would prioritise their husband wanting to stay up late, over their child living on the streets.