Son can’t afford to live at home but we have no space for him

[nomorestripes]

My son (27) moved out at 21 to live with his girlfriend and when that didn’t work out he rented a room in a shared house, he has always worked but lived hand to mouth and now he has lost his job.

He can’t afford to rent his room anymore as he is only going to get £400 a month in benefits and his housing benefit won’t cover all his £600 rent leaving a short fall of about £200, his car insurance is about £100 a month which he needs to get a job and his phone is about £50 a month which he needs to get a job and his car tax is due this month so even paying that monthly it all comes to more than he will receive.
I don’t have the means to support him as I am a full time carer for my disabled 4 year old.
My husband is not his dad and we only have a 2 bed house as our 4 year old was born after he moved out so now has his old room.
We have no space for him and I can’t expect my husband who is the only earner on a low wage to support a grown adult as well as his own wife and child.

He has mentioned that he might have to move back home but realistically we have a tiny lounge with a small corner sofa and two bedrooms so we don’t have room and if we did have our 4 year old in with us we have no idea how long that would be and he would be in no position to contribute financially and we only just scrape by as it is.
But… he’s my son and I need to help him as he is trying so hard to find a job and although this is his first month so he still has his wages left once his benefits start coming in he will not be able to afford his room.
I am so worried for him but I just don’t know how we can make it work, supporting him will be too much for my husband with no end date in sight.

This!!!

like the what the fuck

So you’re putting your husband and marriage before your child?

what kind of mother does this?

wake up

Her husband likes watching TV, so looks like it's homelessness for him, if he can't get a job in the dire job 'market'.

You would seriously see your son on the street so your husband has somewhere to watch telly in the evenings?

This post is you prioritising your partner over your son who needs some help for a short time. Honestly, I'm at a loss what to say to you. I'm genuinely flabbergasted.

You seem to be coming up with plenty of reasons to not have him move home. I’m not saying it’s ideal but what are you going to do see him on the streets. His your son you just get on with it and manage. Your husband would not be supporting him . Your son will receive benefits so he can contribute say £200 and have the other £200 to look for a job.

Camping mat on the living room floor. Or can he sleep in your DD's room on the floor so you're not clambering over each other in the living room?

Or, bunk bed in your DD's room. He can sleep on the top for now.

It's a shame it's so no longer summer, otherwise he could use a tent in the garden to sleep in. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it'd give him a bit more privacy. If I moved back in with my parents and had no room, I'd rather sleep in the garden than the living room!

Edit: I've just read your update about your DH wanted to watch TV in the evenings. Holy crap. I don't think I'd ever be able to look at my husband in the same way.

Is this a wind up?
You're more concerned that your ‘D’H wants to stay up late in the lounge, as opposed to your son sleeping on the sofa temporarily while he’s going through a rough patch? Ok.

I think you should be honest with yourself and your son and admit your marriage will not survive your eldest son's return even on a temporary basis.

You'll have to live with the consequences of seeing your son homeless. I suspect your marriage won't survive that either.

This is sad. I don't think your husband is really 'supporting' your son just by letting him sleep on your sofa while he's out of work for a period of time. If he claims UC then he can pay something towards the bills and groceries, and you can ask that helps out at home and tries to spend some time out of the house to give you some space too - it's hard when he has no money coming in and the weather is bad, but he can apply for jobs at the local library and some council gyms give cheap rates to people on UC. Unemployment is so isolating and demoralising, you can encourage him to keep some structure in his life and be there for him, he might appreciate spending some more time with his family at this point in his life.

The job market is utterly dire at the moment and if he's been working for six years he's clearly got a good work ethic and isn't looking to scrounge from you. What do you seriously expect him to do if he can't claim enough in benefits to keep renting privately, and you won't take him in? Your husband sounds like a bit of a dick tbh. He was aware you had a son when he married you, and 27 is still pretty young in the scheme of things. Anyone can fall on hard times, what are families for if not helping each other out?

Exactly. Could you really see your son on the streets? I can’t believe this is real. If it is, put a TV in your bedroom.

So your DH would rather your son be homeless, just as it starts getting darker & colder, than muck in for a few months? He wouldn't be supporting your son if he was getting UC until he got another job, DH would be helping another family member (family by marriage is still family!) who is down on their luck through no fault of their own. You know, like a decent person.

One of my neighbours was in a similar situation and a caravan suddenly appeared on the drive. Not even a posh one, but it was dry and watertight and got everyone including the prodigal daughter, through a tough time without everyone losing their mind. This is a good time to buy one too, for - few hundred quid and you can always sell it later. Your only cost is the electric hookup.

He will have to sleep on our sofa or we’ll have to have our youngest in with us but I think it will put a lot of strain on our marriage and life will be very uncomfortable for an unknown amount of time.
I thought his housing benefit would cover his rent while he looked for work, I had no idea his misfortune would have such an impact on our family and the hardship that it will cause us will probably destroy us.

Caravan.

This is how many people end up getting housed, they become 'homeless' because they can no longer afford their rent etc and then the council houses them as a matter of urgency. If he is helped by family they won't do it.

Seriously! What are we reading here!?

Say yes but with a fixed time. Two months while he finds another job - that's it.

Your son will have benefits so although he'll not have a lot of money your husband won't be supporting him. If you really want to you will make it work. Hes your son . Family supports each other at such times. I could never turn a child of mine away

Your young adult son staying with you potentially for a few months will 'destroy' you? What a strange way of phrasing it.

Sadly, a single man will never be priority for housing, even if he is street homeless.

I couldn't be with a man who would see my child homeless no matter what the age of the child.

It depends why he lost his job I guess. If it was due to misconduct or something then that's a barrier. If not then he just has to apply for everything.

Is there any way he could rent a cheaper room? That is covered by his HB?
This might be outlandish, but he could sell car, get camper style van and sleep in that on your drive/garden?

If you can't have him I guess you must declare that to council so he can present as homeless in the worst case scenario? But hopefully he'll get work soon.

Maybe your DS staying will be the straw that breaks the camel's back.
I think there is more going on here. Surely no mother would see their own son on the street.

I had some sympathy until you wrote ...

I had no idea his misfortune would have such an impact on our family and the hardship that it will cause us will probably destroy us.
He is your family, and he needs help. Having him on the sofa isn't ideal, but he needs somewhere to sleep.

I would make room for my DS no matter what age. 4 yr old goes in with you and when DS gets a new job look to move to a 3 bed.