Son can’t afford to live at home but we have no space for him

[nomorestripes]

My son (27) moved out at 21 to live with his girlfriend and when that didn’t work out he rented a room in a shared house, he has always worked but lived hand to mouth and now he has lost his job.

He can’t afford to rent his room anymore as he is only going to get £400 a month in benefits and his housing benefit won’t cover all his £600 rent leaving a short fall of about £200, his car insurance is about £100 a month which he needs to get a job and his phone is about £50 a month which he needs to get a job and his car tax is due this month so even paying that monthly it all comes to more than he will receive.
I don’t have the means to support him as I am a full time carer for my disabled 4 year old.
My husband is not his dad and we only have a 2 bed house as our 4 year old was born after he moved out so now has his old room.
We have no space for him and I can’t expect my husband who is the only earner on a low wage to support a grown adult as well as his own wife and child.

He has mentioned that he might have to move back home but realistically we have a tiny lounge with a small corner sofa and two bedrooms so we don’t have room and if we did have our 4 year old in with us we have no idea how long that would be and he would be in no position to contribute financially and we only just scrape by as it is.
But… he’s my son and I need to help him as he is trying so hard to find a job and although this is his first month so he still has his wages left once his benefits start coming in he will not be able to afford his room.
I am so worried for him but I just don’t know how we can make it work, supporting him will be too much for my husband with no end date in sight.

If he has a tenancy agreement for his shared accommodation, he will be entitled to housing allowance. He's likely not entitled those month due to his last income, but will be available later.
If not, you or his father will make room for him. You can't just leave him homeless.

I may be wrong, but I get a feeling that OP is more concerned about her DHs reaction to her DS moving home for a bit, than actually finding a solution that works for all, even though it might not be ideal.

Instinct.

I would let him stay for say 3 months maximum. No longer.

There is no obligation to live rurally, especially if he can't afford to. If he's needing to get a cheaper room anyway he can prioritise getting one that's located somewhere that you don't need a car to get around. Given that OP his mum lives rurally it seems very silly to move in with her and deliberately make it more difficult to find employment, when he could instead get a room covered by hb in a town where employment doesn't require a car.

At his age, he should be sorting himself out. If he really can’t find work, he can claim UC.

Of course you should let your son come home. Sleeping on your sofa is better than sleeping on the streets.

So you’d see your son on a park bench in mid January?

Well what’s the alternative? Him being homeless?

@nomorestripes if hes on uc he may be able to get discretionary housing payment. To cover the shortfall that housing element won't cover. He will need to apply through his local council. He will need to let them know he's on uc due to losing his job the room was affordable when he was in work. Since he's lost his job and is on uc the rent is no longer affordable and he is at risk of homelessness. For that reason he needs to apply. He needs to show he's in hardship so he would need to show his incoming and out goings.

Then at least hes still got his room.

If he’s genuinely looking for a job how could you kick him out because of a cut-off?

@nomorestripes As you are rural there might be some live-in jobs at pubs he could try (while staying with you). I’ve seen them advertised my neck of the woods when previously job hunting. It could be a way for him to save some money to accumulate a safety net and have somewhere to live for a while.

Do rooms that are covered by UC even exist, they don’t in my area? Even the most depressing box rooms with no communal rooms other than a small kitchen are over the limit.

The job market is particularly brutal right now.
Your comment is very unhelpful 😒

For those saying he doesn’t need a £50 phone contract, you’re right. But if he has one, it’s exactly that - a contract. You can’t just come out of a contract because it’ll have a minimum term on it.
The job market is really difficult at the moment so he won’t necessarily be able to get something immediately.
OP - I get it’ll be hard in a small house but he’s your son. Can you honestly tell him he can’t move in?

Genuine fucking question. Why is it all on OP?

I’m rather surprised at everyone suggesting saying no. If he’s been in consistent employment, and chose to continue living independently instead of coming back home after the split with the girlfriend then it’s fairly reasonable to assume he isn’t planning to stay around longer than necessary kipping on the sofa.

Also surprised at how many people seem to think £100 a month is a crazy amount to be paying for insurance at 27. I passed my test last year at 30 and my insurance on a tiny 1L car was £110 a month. If he’s only passed in the last few years, or has had any claims, £1200 a year is sadly not that unusual these days.

He is a hardworking young man who has lived independently for 6 years and now needs a bit of help as a stop gap. I'd do anything in my power to support him. There's no indication he'll want to live with you long-term. Giving up your living room for a month or two is no big deal.

Seems some would. Awful people.

Well surely you are not going to see him homeless? Bring your younger child in with you for now, or let him have the sofa. Put a time limit on it maybe, but let him stay for now. I would hope your husband isn’t going to begrudge him staying for a bit, especially at this time of year?

For some reason people never understand that. They think you can just cancel tomorrow even if you’ve got a year left. He definitely should reduce it right down once the contract has ended. My phone is perfectly fine and costs me about £13 per month, but I had to wait till my expensive contract ended.

This. The early exit fee for quitting a phone contract might be quite percentage of the remaining monthly payments. For example (from Vodaphone):
"Your plan costs £45 a month, and you get a £10 discount, so you pay £35 a month in total. You have 6 months left until your plan ends, and you want to leave.

• To work out your outstanding charges for these remaining 6 months, we multiply what you pay each month (£35) by 6 = £210
• Then we take off 2% of that £210 (£4.20) to get your final fee = £205.80"

Phone companies are bastards.

If his car insurance is £100 that’s a fairly decent car he’s got he will have to sell it. There’s jobs out there for anyone that wants to work.

I would never turn my child away no matter how old he is, I would somehow make it work.

I voted you are being unreasonable for not helping your son. Surely you would not turn your back on him when he needs you? I’m sorry your husband isn’t happy but actually when he married you surely he was aware you already had a family (aka your son)!!! Baffling that you wouldn’t stick him on the sofa. Yes it’s not ideal but neither is breaking up with your gf or losing your job….

Most ridiculous comment of the day! There really isn’t jobs out there at the moment. It’s really really tough out there.

Quite. It never fails to amaze me how those with the lowest incomes seem to have the newest, shiniest cars/TVs/phones/tablets/laptops etc etc. Mine is £8/m & phone is 4.5yrs old..