Fed up with ex working at my workplace

[OneGreyBiscuit]

For context - split with ex march 25, was told he would be working in my dept at work where I've worked for ten years as he'd applied for drivers job there. Understandably I wasn't happy but just asked if he could be kept off my shifts. This worked to begin with but lately he's been in on my shifts more and more. Im finding this really unfair and am still angry they took him on in the first place, knowing the history. The two in charge who took him on couldn't care less about how this would affect me, so I feel like I've got nowhere to go and have to accept this. Would anyone else feel the same?

I wouldn’t really expect my personal life to influence hiring decisions or shift patterns where I work.

(Unless there is abuse)

So you would be ok to see an ex who you never wanted to see again at your workplace? Who got a job there just to spite you?

If you don’t like it you’ll have to leave. Your managers are under no obligation to arrange your shifts so you don’t have to work together. Unless of course if there is DV involved maybe they should consider. But you haven’t said that unless there is a massive drip feed coming

I dint think you can expect your employer to hire people based on your personal life or manage shifts for it.

That’s a different question, the first was about your employer,

if you don’t wish to see him, you need to seek alternate employment, it’s not on your employer,

Your personal relationships have nothing to do with your workplace and that’s the way it should be. If they get involved with keeping exes separate would they also be responsible for keeping partners on the same shift or having the same holidays. They need to draw a line and say that what happens in your personal life is your business, their business is hiring people who can do the job.

Would it help if you got back together with him? Probably easier to work with your partner than ex?

No there wasn't abuse apart from being a massive gas lighter. He's been there two minutes and I've been there over ten years but I've got to leave? Maybe this wouldn't affect you but its affects me.

You are both adults, work is work not an episode of the office

Is this serious? Hell would freeze over first

You're understandably uncomfortable about it but, it happens and it genuinely isn't down to your employer to recruit or not based on your personal circumstances. I would expect consideration if this had been a DV situation, but you haven't said that is the case. If he did get the job to spite you that also isn't your employer's issue. It does sound like some attempt was made to accommodate your feelings but, in business, and if there is no safeguarding or other reason they aren't obliged to do so.

But that’s personal choice, it’s you who doesn’t wish to see him, no one is asking you to leave, what’s being said is it’s not your employers responsibility

Then you’ll have to leave? I just don’t know what you want others to do about it. I work at the same company as my DH he’s sitting across from me right now. If we ever split I know I’ll probably have to see him every day and I have 2 choices leave or suck it up.

I’m not saying I’d be ok with it. I’m saying I wouldn’t expect my workplace to care.

Just as an aside, this bloke pays absolutely zero in child maintenance for his 15 year old, it's all on me and you're all suggesting I should just leave my job because of him?

Still not the responsibility or problem of your employer. If he ain’t paying maintenance go through CMS… you know where he works

But why is any of this your workplaces fault? Ot any of their business?

No. You are confusing separate scenarios.

You, understandably, don't want to be working with or seeing him. If he is the farther of DC then I assume you have some contact with him on an ongoing basis so this is just a bit more, in a professional environment which should take any emotional responses out of the situation.

Do you need to engage with him to do your job or is he just a presence in the working space thats a problem for you?

You say he is a driver, so that suggests he isn't in the same room or building as you often at all. 🤔

You don't need to leave your job, you need to accept he works in the same company. If you can't accept that, then yes you will need to find a new role as this is your issue, not his and not your employers.

OP you’re understandably upset and frustrated. He’s nasty for getting a job same place as you. But your private life is none of your employers business. None. It would be like you telling your local Tesco to stop letting him shop there because you shop there for longer and he only goes now to annoy you. Absolutely nothing to do with the shop. This is all your private life.

I understand what you're saying but the fact that they knew and still took him on before he'd even done a day's work, why couldn't they have taken someone else on instead? It's just very frustrating when I was finally free of him and now I have to stress and look at the driver's schedule every shift to see if he's in.

I don’t think anyone would say he’s a great guy, or that they’d be thrilled with the situation.

I also don’t think that the suggestions to quit your job are totally serious, they’re just pointing out that your ex has no reason to quit, and your employer has no reason to fire him, so it’s only you that you can change in this scenario.

They can hire whomever they like. The breakup was some time ago and adults should reasonable be expected to be able to be in the same work environment without an issue (obviously with the exception of a situation of abuse).

I'm sure it is uncomfortable but nobody is suggesting you have to leave, though if it's that uncomfortable for you then you could consider it and you might find you are better off elsewhere.

It is what it is, OP. Either accept he works there and find a way to get on with the day to day or think about whether or not you'd like to move elsewhere if it makes you that unhappy at work. Those are the only solutions, being angry at the employer is pointless. Not everything in life will always feel fair and you just have to get on with it.

I'd be more interested in the fact you know he has paid employment and isn't providing child maintenance.

Every person I've spoken to about it has said the same thing....why?why there? But myself and these people are in the minority apparently 🤷

I think you have to accept he can get a job wherever he wants and your employer can employ whoever they want, can't you just ignore him? If he's a driver I assume he is just in and out driving most of the shift? You could also take every opportunity of seeing him to remind him that he owes you maintenance for his son, loudly enough that everyone hears.

So what do you expect your work to do?