Fed up with ex working at my workplace

[OneGreyBiscuit]

For context - split with ex march 25, was told he would be working in my dept at work where I've worked for ten years as he'd applied for drivers job there. Understandably I wasn't happy but just asked if he could be kept off my shifts. This worked to begin with but lately he's been in on my shifts more and more. Im finding this really unfair and am still angry they took him on in the first place, knowing the history. The two in charge who took him on couldn't care less about how this would affect me, so I feel like I've got nowhere to go and have to accept this. Would anyone else feel the same?

As hard as it is to bear, it’s not your employer’s problem.

I'm not sure whether you are saying that it has been over a year since you split and your ex recently applied and was deemed the most suitable candidate for a position with your company. Or whether you split Mar 25 and he then applied and was the chosen candidate meaning you've been working at the same place over a year.
Either way, there really isn't anything you can do about it despite some of the advice you've received. If there are no documented incidents of abuse, and you have indicated that there isn't, you can't say to your employer "I don't like x and it's affecting my mental health" That is not what the duty of care is about 🙄

I doubt anyone would want to work with an ex they did not get along and that's completely understandable. You cannot expect an employer to NOT hire someone because you don't like them. If anything, you are going to be the one that ends up worse off. It is not professional to try and interfere in the hiring process and those saying that if you cannot tolerate the situation, you are the one to leave, are right. It sucks but only you know what you can tolerate and what you cannot. The company is not going to risk an unfair dismissal application on your say so.

If there are any incidents that have occurred since he began working at the same place, they need to be reported and documented. If there have not been, and you simply don't want an ex partner working at the same place as you, it is not going to be deemed as 'constructive dismissal' should you choose to leave. Can't believe anyone is giving you the idea it could be.

It seems a stretch, depending on when he actually got the job, to assume he's applied for, and interviewed for a job simply to annoy you. It's not a great situation for you, definitely get that, but probably not about you at all 🤷‍♀️

This all day long. You can’t begrudge someone a job just because you aren’t together anymore. They still need to live.

I also doubt it was done to spite OP. I suspect if he dislikes her enough to do something to spite her that he dislikes her enough to not want to see her

Because they are siding with you because they know you and because you are talking to them about it.

It’s possible that they’re actually thinking that you are making more of it than it needs to be but aren’t being honest about it because they don’t want to upset you.

You could go via the CMS for child maintenance, it's not like he can say he's not working! So he will either have to pay or possibly he will decide it's better not to be working in the same place as you and quit.

I’m not sure that has anything to do with your employer 🤔

Make a CMS claim now he’s in employment, he might quit then!

I don't really know what kind of response you were expecting here OP, though the drip feed doesn't help.

Most people would probably be peeved about this too. Your employers don't have to care and might genuinely have considered him to be the best person for the job. It sounds like you've probably correctly surmised that they don't give a shit, so you either have to put up with it or get another job. There isn't a secret third thing. Whether or not you're actually trapped depends on how likely you are to find something else.

Agree with the posts about CSA though. Use the situation to best advantage!

I feel for you op, I’d feel uncomfortable too. What a prick getting a job there to spite you. And I do feel after ten years they’d give you some consideration. I guess more so if it’s a small company.

I can imagine the dread you feel in seeing him each day.

Is this a really small business or something? The majority of those handling recruitment in my workplace wouldn't even know an applicant was my partner ( or an ex). Especially for a job role different to mine.

Tbf, there's not even any evidence he's taken the job to spite her.

He might have just taken a job. He might have been recruited through an agency.

Well legally there is zero they can do about it.
Obviously ex likes his job or likes winding you or whatever.
Its been a year.
Ignore and stop letting it wind you.
Apply via cms for payments

Well if you are working at the same company it might be easier to get his wages garnished - silver lining

Maybe he's doing this to fuck with your head. Maybe it's a coincidence.

That's not your employer's problem. Your response is the problem. Ignore him. He's dead to you, act like it. If he wants to talk about your shared teen, he does it through one of the apps that are admissable in court. But you're there to work and he's not to distract you.

Now that you know he's working, apply for child maintenance. That's the find out part.

If he's showing signs of stalking or violence, get specialty advice.

Multiple things are true in this situation. Your ex is an utter creep for getting a job where you work. It is unfair that you have to deal with him in your workplace. Without some sort of criminal complaint between you, your employer could face repercussions for not hiring the best candidate.

If you change jobs, he may follow. At that point you might have an argument for stalking, but it will be hard to prove.

You may be better off really considering how much interaction you actually have with him in the workplace even if on the same shift. Do you have to work with him or do you just know he is in the building? Are there always other people present if you are in the same space with him? How much power does he actually have here?

love the advice that you have his exact employment details and can make sure he is paying maintenance now.

use this to your advantage!!!!

Well if he’s not paying you any maintenance you can go through CMS first of all - you know where he’s working and the hours he’s doing etc. Also, get him on direct pay, maybe let people know you were forced to put your child’s father on direct pay as they were refusing to pay a penny for your shared child (you don’t have to name your ex, but I’m sure people would easily work it out).

Alternatively turn the tables on him, make people aware just how creepy and pathetic it is that your ex has started working at the same place just to frustrate you - then point out his stupidity as now you know where he works, you can finally start a CMS claim since he’s a shit dad who doesn’t pay towards his kids.

Just make it uncomfortable for him, or make people clearly aware of the garbage person he is.

Then in the background be looking for another/better job. Your employers have shown you don’t matter to them etc, so probably time to move on. As other posters have said, they won’t make business decisions around your personal life unless it’s causing trouble at work, or a blatant conflict of interest.

Yes, as long as no abuse was involved.
He has every right to work there too.

Thanks for the replies good and bad. I had to go back earlier 12 to 3 and he was due back around 1.50. I was informed he was in the canteen waiting for 2.30 to leave, nice to be paid 40 minutes for stuffing your face. I was also informed he delivered an order when the payment had been declined, I did chuckle! Anyway for clarity I had a rant with another manager this morning, who is new and doesn't agree with it, he told me ex mentioned to them in a meeting about his hours clashing with mine, which I thought was a joke. I was basically told there's not much they can do as sometimes the shifts will clash. I threw my teddies out of the pram and said I would only work until 2 but when I thought about it I thought why the hell should I lose an hours pay because of him, so I stayed til 3. For posters who said he might've been the best candidate for the job, he mentioned in the interview that our ds works there (not me though surprise surprise) and I could be wrong but I think that's why he got the job. There's an irony in that as I got my ds his job there, so he's got this job off the back of it. He's a coniving, sneaky pos! The reason I mentioned the employers is I was hoping they thought more of me as an employee but obviously not. Bitter pill to swallow.

But where does it stop op, someone is no contact with their mum, fell out with a mate, they have to ask every emokoyee if they know the person and should refrain from hiring them if they don’t get on? That’s an impossible way to operate a business,

and if your son works there, are you sure he had other options, and only got the job to spite you?

you are being hugely unreasonable and I think you need to stop talking about it to everyone who will listen, crack on with your job, or find another one,

and go via cms to get maintenance, you cannot expect your employer to hire people or not hire them, based on your personal life, no matter how senior and well regarded you say you are,

Because he legally can from the information that you have given.

Nobody is saying they would like it or that it is fair but unless you’re in a position of influence over who the company recruits, your options are limited. Either carry on working there like he doesn’t exist and stay there feeling resentful, or look at other jobs at places that he can’t follow you to. One thing’s for sure though, they aren’t going to sack him because you don’t think they should have recruited him.

I realise they can't sack him, I just asked if he could be kept off my shifts

I'm not senior or well regarded clearly.

Jesus wept, nobody is saying that.
Sort out the CM claim, especially now as you know he's working. Should make it easier as you know who his employer is.

How do you expect your employer to arrange shifts that suit everyone? You have no idea what other issues they're having to juggle when managing shifts and which people can or can't work together for actual reasons.

But by all means, I'm sure this is just another unreasonable comment because obviously your employer should ask every single employee whether or not to employ someone, because it's their experience or they gave them a funny luck once.

Have you suggested that to them?

Also he's a driver, how much time are you actually seeing him? Are you a bus conductor? Is this the 70s?