Fed up with ex working at my workplace

[OneGreyBiscuit]

For context - split with ex march 25, was told he would be working in my dept at work where I've worked for ten years as he'd applied for drivers job there. Understandably I wasn't happy but just asked if he could be kept off my shifts. This worked to begin with but lately he's been in on my shifts more and more. Im finding this really unfair and am still angry they took him on in the first place, knowing the history. The two in charge who took him on couldn't care less about how this would affect me, so I feel like I've got nowhere to go and have to accept this. Would anyone else feel the same?

Management

That seems to be what you are suggesting
Your employer can't base their hiring or shift choices on your personal life
It sucks that you have to see him and it sucks that hes a Dickhead but you will just have to be professional or leave

But they have nothing to do with CMS! Unless your ex defaults on payment and CMS issues a DEO, in which case the company is legally obliged to deduct the stipulated sum from his earnings and send it to the CMS. Again, not your problem.

Jesus. Seriously? Is that your advice?

eh??

What makes you think that people agree with his behaviour as well? It sounds like to me that you’re both behaving pretty unprofessionally.

I think it’s good that you’ve realised that you’re not ‘more than an employee’ to your company - they should be treating all their employees with appropriate respect but that doesn’t generally stretch to allowing one employee to determine the shifts of another employee based on their shared history (unless there was abuse involved, as others have said).

Unfortunately some things don’t feel ‘fair’ but best way is to work out what you actually have control over (eg putting up with it or leaving) then making a decision based on that, even if you don’t like it.

No, because that would make no sense. You keep conflating wildy different situations with each other.

The real question is why haven't you already gone to CMS? You KNOW where he works and his hours. Yet you are complaining he doesn't pay. Make sure it comes directly from his wages.

If having to pay to support a child he helped create is stressful then he needs to suck it up. You honestly think management are going to be supportive of a man claiming stress for paying child support (15% of his wage) as a good reason to be off work?

That's his problem to deal with, and potentially his manager's, if it affects his work. It's not your problem.

There will be loads of people who are stressed by having to go to CMS. Most of them still manage to work. The only support I gave to one of the guys in my team about it was to sign off his leave so he could attend a tribunal with CMS. If it starts affecting his work, I'll suggest he uses the EAP - but it is down to him to manage his reaction to it.

OP you’re beginning to sound unhinged! Stop looking for ways to boot him out of work. Focus your anger and energy on getting what you deserve. He’s got the job there to piss you off - it’s working, he sees that, he’ll do it more and more.

Take charge of yourself, grow up, start again. STOP reacting at work/about him. If he sees you’re not bothered, he’ll give up, there’s no fun there for him. Go to CMS (goodness knows why you didn’t do that immediately when you broke up), turn up to work, do your shifts, go home. He’s enjoying your anger and discomfort, don’t allow him to do that anymore. You can’t control what he does or how he behaves, but you can change your reactions to it all, and your outlook.

I’m guessing they mean always keep work and personal life separate. Nobody thinks it’s ok and enough people have said that but OP just keeps parroting‘I suppose you think it’s ok that he sits in the canteen, talks to other people, works the same shifts’etc etc. It’s almost sounding like a contest which no manager with common sense will ever get dragged into. From the sounds of it if he really did only get a job there to spite her then she’s certainly giving him enough airtime. Going for maintenance is surely a win win here because if he’s that feckless he’ll quit the job so he never has to pay then OP gets to enjoy her job without him always being there and she’ll still be getting no maintenance. Sounds obvious to me. If you want him out, claim maintenance.

Turn your negative energy into something positive OP. Nail him with the CMS. Do it today. That way you'll at least get something out of it, and he'll realise he's not as smart as he thinks he is.

Of course not. Why aren’t you claiming the money your children are entitled to?

Yes it is okay for him to get the job.

It's not any more right or wrong than you working there.

It's not your managers role to support your personal problems or relationships. They manage the team as a whole & manage the workplace. You may be confusing a retail manager with a school teacher - you're not the first to struggle in the workplace

You can either behave like a grown up & get on with your job, get another job elsewhere or carry on as you are until you end up with conduct warnings.

You are repeatedly been told that but are failing to take that on board

Would you rather just bitch and moan about your ex or do something constructive for your kids like get money from their working dad that they are entitled to?

You're overreacting about something you have no control over, that your ex works in the same place, but you won't take constructive action, like go to CMS since you know he's working. If he bitches about that at work, he will be seen negatively. It's a basic requirement of having kids when split and if he can't deal with that, that's his fucking problem.

What benefits you and your kids more? What can you control and what can't you control?

It took me years to be free of him and I think wanting child maintenance from him will just be an added reason for him to contact me because believe me he won't take this lying down. He doesn't like being parted with his money. This is why I'm so butt hurt that he's working there - finally free of him and then less than a year later he's working at the same place as me.

Only have contact with him via one of the family apps that are court admissable. If he tries to discuss maintenance at work, tell him this is not the time and place and he can contact you through the app. If he starts harassing you, you can go to HR. If he escalates, police. Make sure not to be alone with him.

Be smart, not reactive.

Ask cms to do a deduction of earnings if he doesn’t pay anything I’m sure he’ll be unemployed within the month

You aren’t free of him because you aren’t able to ignore him. You need to emotionally let go of him The money isn’t for you it’s for your son. If he contacts you you ignore him. If you have a son together then he will always have a role in your life as your son’s father. You don’t have to live with him socialise with him or think about him though. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. I can understand you being annoyed at his antics but it sounds as though he is still thinking too much about you.

If you file for CMS and he starts shit with you, or spreads shit about you, at work then he will get in trouble. In most workplaces it would fall under bullying or harassment. So go ahead and file. You may be giving him enough rope to hang himself.

this, you politely say excuse me, this isn’t professional and walk away, or ‘I don’t have discussions on why you shouldn’t pay any child support in my workplace.’ Ideally say it clearly and a little loudly so others can hear that he’s a scumdad who won’t pay for his child. and add ‘Please don’t harass me about this at work’ every time as if he repeats it you have material for a HR complaint

Is he seriously going to tell his work he can’t do his job properly because of the stress of paying for his child? It would be humiliating to think that much less say it out loud.

😳.
OP, you don't think they're trying to manage you out of the company do you?

If you haven't already joined a union, this would be a good time to do so. (And it doesn't sound like your ex DH is the type to join too!) This could still end up in a situation of constructive dismissal, and they would be able to give you decent legal advice in that case.

Claim the CMS!
At least he can't squirm out of paying it or pretend to be unemployed/ self-employed - assuming your workplace does treat drivers as employees rather than pseudo-'contractors'.
If your ex does then approach you, log it, report it to your manager. It's not appropriate in any workplace to harass a colleague (whether she's your ex or not) and he'll be the one in the wrong, not you.
If you don't feel valued/ respected by your bosses, then maybe it is worth looking for other jobs. Then you can decide whether or not you want to switch to a workplace where you'll feel better treated.

Claim the CMS!

She isn't going to. She isn't going to because it would be a benefit to him getting this job and she doesn't want to want to find a benefit because she feels that, if she does, that could lead to a positive outcome.

She doesn't want a positive outcome because she wants to remain a victim in this situation. If there is a positive element, she doesn't want it because then people might start to see her sitiation as not wholly negative and, at the moment, she can't face that challenge to her feelings.

Of course, given that one of her earliest complaints on here about him was that he doesn't pay maintenance, it would seem sensible to claim. But she won't.

She says she os worried it would give him more reason to contact her.

She doesn't have to speak to him; he already works at her workplace theres notich more he could do; if he contacted her maliciously or began actually harassing her, she would have genuine reason to complain to management about him. But she won't.