Fed up with ex working at my workplace

[OneGreyBiscuit]

For context - split with ex march 25, was told he would be working in my dept at work where I've worked for ten years as he'd applied for drivers job there. Understandably I wasn't happy but just asked if he could be kept off my shifts. This worked to begin with but lately he's been in on my shifts more and more. Im finding this really unfair and am still angry they took him on in the first place, knowing the history. The two in charge who took him on couldn't care less about how this would affect me, so I feel like I've got nowhere to go and have to accept this. Would anyone else feel the same?

You’ve had a lot of harsh responses here OP. I’m not an employment lawyer (although I am a lawyer) but your employer does have to consider your wellbeing and mental heath. I wouldn’t have thought that extends as far as not giving him the job but something like his shift pattern should be altered to accommodate you. I think you need to go to HR formally, explain that they agreed to an arrangement to support you ie his shifts were when you weren’t working, and say they now seem to have stopped this and it’s affecting your mental health. Having had a relative in a similar situation, this is a suitable outcome.

Your feelings are perfectly valid and reasonable but your employer cannot make hiring decisions based on them. Now that ex has got a job can you pursue him for backdated maintenance via CMS? At least you know where he works! If he's that much of an arsehole he might even quit to avoid having to pay, which would solve your problem, or if he stays at least there's an upside for you and you'll be hitting him in the wallet.

I'm so sorry, that must be so difficult to deal with.

I don't think there's anything you can do, unfortunately as they would have approached the hiring process professionally.

I'd not be happy if you are friends with the people who hired him if they 'knew' your situation but, even then, that would be more a 'moral' issue and I'd be questioning whether I'd want to continue working for a company I'd poured ten years of my life into if they'd knowingly hired my ex who won't support his child.

The best revenge you can take is ensuring child maintenance know where he works and getting them to act quickly to collect the money and arrears. He won't think he's as smart when he realises he's stung himself by getting a job somewhere you can prove he works!

You know where he works and approx wage (there must be an advert).

Report him through CMS and keep a note of when he joined, so even if he leaves you can claim for part of year.

Don't access any works records you wouldn't normally or create any drama (unless there are witnesses and he starts). Don't tell him re the CMS.

Eventually employer will be contacted and he will have to pay or leave.

Unless you own the company and make decision on staffing, him being an ex is of no concern. Just have to suck it up and get on with living your life

The employer needs to hire the best person for the job, if I knew about something like this I'd do my best not to hire that person, but if they were the best by miles it would be very hard to justify not employing them. That he's stayed for two years might suggest that from the employer employee perspective it is working for them.

OP I think you are conflating two things.

1. Your employer hiring your ex - perfectly fine. As others have said, they an hire the best person for the job whomever this is.
2. Why your ex wanted to work where you did - this isn't fine, but this is your ex doing this.

These are two separate issues that have intertwined. Your employer isn't wrong. Best advise is to be as professional as possible and ride it out. If you ex doesn't get the rise from you he seemingly wants it will be fine.

Of course you are not being unreasonable.
Was their emotional abuse?
He gaslit you.
Look into emotional abuse.
If there was emotional abuse, talk to ACAS and Women's aid.
See if they have any advice.

Your employer has a duty of care towards you.
You feeling you have to leave could be constructive dismissal if their was emotional abuse.
You have already asked them not to put you on with him.
Do you feel "unsafe emotionally" in work because of him.

You need to do your research and get advice.
Perhaps you formally, via email, contacting HR about all of this might focus minds.

Have you tried applying to any other jobs since he started? If not, why not? I'm not sure if you mean he started working at your place in March 2025, but if so, you've seemingly left it well over a year and are still at the same place?

Rule to live by: if you're unhappy with something in your life, make the change yourself, don't wait for someone else to change it for you. What do you expect your work to do, fire him on the basis that he's someone you've exchanged bodily fluids with?

A company does not factor in if people are ex's of their current staff when hiring.

Ultimately as brutal as it sounds the choices are

Suck it up and get over it
Leave

They are not going to fire him because he is your ex

Obviously he’s been a dick for getting a job at the same place but YABU to expect your past relationships to be of relevance to hiring & firing by your employer OP. If you don’t like it, and I wouldn’t like it either, you’ll have to leave.

so put a CMS claim in - the option where it gets deducted straight from his wages

i can understand your distress when an ex starts to work where you have worked for 10 years!
I there is any history of abuse (physical or psychological ) and its affecting your mental health thats different to just annoyance.If thats the case i would discuss it with your manager and HR to see if a solution can be found. Eg: making sure you are not on the same shift or in direct contact.
If you think hes doing it to wind you up perhaps a better strategy is to grey rock him show absolutely no emotion and professional at all times.
I think it is importan tyou discuss this calmly with your manager/HR because these sorts of scenarios can escalate to where you wrongly appear unhinged.

As others have said, you know he's working, you have an idea of his pay so CMS can take the money assuming all considerations.

A great many children do not have that luxury when the father has become unemployed or self employed.

I mean its annoying and weird OF HIM. Its got eff all to do with your employer however.

I'm sorry for you but I don't think your employer did anything wrong. At least you can claim CMS off him. If he's got this job to annoy you the best defence is try not to let him see you are annoyed. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

They wanted to hire him, so they did.

He sounds like a dick, and I get your frustration at him, but as everyone else has said, that's nothing to do with your employer.

Think about it op, what do you want them to do, every time they have applicants for a position ask all employees if anyone had a relationship with them and if they were ok to work together and then keep a list of who they couldn’t employ due to it, and then schedule all their shifts round relationships?

they took him in as he was the best for the role,that’s their jobs.

if he is working and not paying child support go via cms and claim,

i think everyone agrees it’s nasty of him, assuming he had other choices. But what everyone is saying is that you don’t have any options to deny him work. So you do just need to grey rock, think of something else / massive turd every time you see his name on the roster, and carry on like he’s a complete stranger. Is anyone at work sympathetic to you?
Out of interest can’t you go to cms for child support? You must have a good idea of what he’s paid? Ds is 15. If he wants something he should come in to your work and ask his dad there. ‘Oh hi dad, I guess you have a job, could I get a contribution to school camp?’ He wouldn’t be such a big man then and he can hardly tell ds off for visiting his mum at work….

Your workplace can’t actually refuse to hire someone qualified as they used to date someone who works there. Would be a lawsuit waiting to happen.

This doesn’t mean you have to keep working there though. Start looking around and see what you can find.

In the meantime file a claim for child support. No idea why this is anything to do with your employers either - it’s your responsibility.

It would piss me off too. As others have said claim CMS now! The scrutiny might make him quit, if not then at least you'll get some child maintenance as compensation for seeing his selfish twat face every day. Xx

With just about every post you’ve made, you’ve deliberately chosen to not understand what people are saying.

NONE of your relationship problem is your employer’s problem.

You'd be better served moving on from it all now. It was a year and a half ago......

Its sad you are giving him so much power over you. Far better to see him, smile, be civil... bonus it will probably piss him off 😂

(Just to say not read all posts so if abuse or trauma i appreciate not as simple but the best medicine/revenge is peace/happiness) good luck

I appreciate you are upset and no I would not like it but it is a fantasy to think you live in a world where employers would care to this extent about your love life. Your expectations are off here.