Weekend trip to Paris - no wives allowed

[Jecar]

AIBU?
My french husband has a grandmother that lives on the outskirts of Paris. A residential area but slightly in the "middle of nowhere". No bars, cafes, restaurants that aren't at least a short drive away.

My husband has decided he would like to spend a weekend in Paris for his birthday and has booked for us to go away Friday to Monday. I note this is not "his treat", we have paid over £500 from our joint account for this. We will be staying with his grandma who is absolutely lovely.

He wants to also use this trip to catch up with some old friends that he hasn't seen in 4 years.

Now here comes my AIBU.

He has decided he will invite them all over to his grandmother's house for the Saturday evening and that he wants this to be a "no wives allowed" event. Meaning I would be expected to stay upstairs in our bedroom and all of his friends wives aren't invited either.

I have said that I don't fancy travelling to Paris for a weekend to spend my Saturday evening alone in our bedroom at his grandma's.

I am of course happy for him to see his friends but feel it should be a more inclusive affair where I and the other wives are involved.

I have said that if he wanted to spend time alone with his friends, he should have gone away alone for a weekend and not brought me along.

He believes this is fine because we will be spending the rest of our time there together.

I am really not happy about this.

Who is BU?

I'm sorry, but this is ridiculous of him.

Can you do the short drive to a restaurant?

He isn't being unreasonable to want a lads night, but he is being unreasonable to banish you to the bedroom. How ridiculous, like you are a grounded child or something

He should go out really if he wants time with just the lads.

If I were you, I would go out for an evening on my own and do something fun

Was all prepared to say you were BU, OP, from the title of your post — but then I read the post itself, and I wouldn’t be happy with that either. I wouldn’t want to travel to a Paris for a long weekend to be banished to my bedroom for one of those evenings!

Honestly, it wouldn’t bother me at all. If the shoe was on the other foot and you were catching up with some girlfriends you hadn’t seen in a while, would you really want your DH around? I certainly wouldn’t!
Is there a TV in your room, or do you have an iPad? Have a nice bath, get some snacks and binge watch a tv show!

Can you and granny do something or organise a restaurant and a few bars with the wives ?

Are you friends with the wives if so can you book a taxi to meet at a lovely restaurant? If not then book yourself one night in the centre of Paris and take yourself out for dinner. He is being a twat but I would take it as licence to treat yourself to an amazing night while he stays home and gets pissed with his mates.

Yanbu. I wouldn't be happy being limited like this on a holiday I've paid for. If he wants to go and see his friends whilst he's there - tell him to go out and do that. Better yet; I'd book a night at a nice hotel with a spa and sod off for the evening.

Is his grandmother also being sent to her room like a naughty child whilst his mates come around to her house?

What does he expect his grandmother to do? Is she also to be banned from most of her own home?

It's a pretty sad state of affairs if you can't entertain yourself in Paris for one night.

I’d have no issue with him spending the evening with old friends with no wives as bringing partners to old friends catching up changes the dynamic, but he needs to go out not expect you to hide in the bedroom. He needs to get a taxi or lift to wherever there is a bar or something they can have their reunion at then taxi home. Can’t he get an uber? I’ve used uber in lots of countries, very easy.

I really don't see why married couples shouldn't go out together, especially if they're meeting at his gran's house. Some people seem to want to separate the sexes, but I don't think you're unreasonable to say you're married adults, not teenagers on the pull (and we even managed that in mixed sex groups!), unless there's an issue you're not saying, like one of the couples has split so it would be awkward on one man, or one person in the group is problematic.

We won't have a car but also will have our children with us who I will need to keep an eye on ( 7 & 10 )

Where does grandma have to go?

@Jecar I wouldn’t go as plans have changed. Let him go on his own to enjoy his time with granny and mates.

No, it's just his original group of friends are the husbands (uni friends). So wants to have a proper catch up with them. I am fine with this.
I just don't see the point in travelling to Paris for a long weekend (Fri to Mon) and giving up a Saturday evening. I would have preferred he go and I stay in the UK

I can stay in the UK to do that! Which I would have happily done.
I wouldn't go away for a weekend and meet up with friends without him.

I don't really know them well enough. They have always lived in Paris and us in the UK. I've met them on the few times we've seen them in Paris and spent a few evenings/ parties together.

That's stupid. If you were staying for a week then that would be fine. But the first night you might get there Kate/ be knackered from travelling so this is probably the only 'proper' night you've got there. I wouldn't want to go and spend my only proper evening hiding upstairs because no wives allowed, when I can't go anywhere or speak to anyone. I think I'd be booking myself into a nice hotel in the centre for that evening and taking myself out for a nice meal.

Also he could have told you his plan before you spend £££ booking to go with him

Also just seen you have your kids with you so you can't really do much for you. Are you all supposed to hide upstairs? I don't think I'd be hiding

We're not in Paris. If you've read my post we on the outskirts. I would need to book a 20 min cab to the nearest train station and get a 40min train into Paris. It's awkward, trains don't always run. And I wouldn't feel safe at night on my own. It's just not feasible.

No. If he wanted to go away for a weekend to see his friends then he should have done that and you could have stayed in your own home.

The kids will go to bed fairly early so they won't be expected to hide. And I wouldn't say I can't pop in to say hi etc. The kids will too. But generally speaking, yes. He wants to be alone.

In that case then I would tell him that you don't want to go. It would be awful sitting in a room with 2 kids listening to them having their get together.

The kids and you would be bored, you can't travel to a restaurant etc as it's too far out so you're stuck, I thought it might be a short taxi ride. Yes, it's one night but I'm sure it'll go on late and he'll be recovering the next day and if he has been drinking and has a hangover that won't be a fun Sunday.

Put it to him that he goes, has the weekend with old friends, be able to relax and not worry about you and kids being bored and you stay in the UK and do your own thing, or send the kids with him 😁😁😁