Weekend trip to Paris - no wives allowed

[Jecar]

AIBU?
My french husband has a grandmother that lives on the outskirts of Paris. A residential area but slightly in the "middle of nowhere". No bars, cafes, restaurants that aren't at least a short drive away.

My husband has decided he would like to spend a weekend in Paris for his birthday and has booked for us to go away Friday to Monday. I note this is not "his treat", we have paid over £500 from our joint account for this. We will be staying with his grandma who is absolutely lovely.

He wants to also use this trip to catch up with some old friends that he hasn't seen in 4 years.

Now here comes my AIBU.

He has decided he will invite them all over to his grandmother's house for the Saturday evening and that he wants this to be a "no wives allowed" event. Meaning I would be expected to stay upstairs in our bedroom and all of his friends wives aren't invited either.

I have said that I don't fancy travelling to Paris for a weekend to spend my Saturday evening alone in our bedroom at his grandma's.

I am of course happy for him to see his friends but feel it should be a more inclusive affair where I and the other wives are involved.

I have said that if he wanted to spend time alone with his friends, he should have gone away alone for a weekend and not brought me along.

He believes this is fine because we will be spending the rest of our time there together.

I am really not happy about this.

Who is BU?

Perhaps he should go with the DC, and you stay at home.
I really don't think my DH would ask me to stay in my room, and I wouldn't. If he wants a lads only evening, he goes out with them, and you stay in with grannie.

I think youre being unreasonable and your OP is misleading. You're not going on a weekend trip to Paris. Your DH is going to visit his friends and grandmother, not actually in Paris. I don't think there's anythjng wrong woth him wanting to spend an evening with his old friends.

It wouldn’t bother me but I love a bit of time on my own
I would take the DC up to Paris late afternoon
The journey doesn’t seem too bad and I would have no worries about my safety in the city

This is how I feel. He keeps saying he's going to go on a weekend to visit them and then it never materialises.
I think we should be seeing them but I don't feel we (the wives) should be excluded. I don't think this trip is the time or the place.
And no, of course I won't be banished to my room but it's the only place I'll be able to be. It would be extremely awkward staying with them in the living room knowing they don't want me there.
Grandma is 90. She can't watch the kids. He does have more family relatively locally who could have watched the kids if we were both going out but it would be extremely odd to ask them to come over to watch the kids, with my husband in the house so I can go out alone.

This would bother me. He could see them a different weekend but instead he's sending you to bed in the middle of your weekend away? I'd not go, I wouldn't care the tickets were already booked. Like you said, you could have this Saturday night at home but BETTER because it is your own bath and bed! No creeping around someone else's home upstairs.

A residential area in the outskirts of Paris isn't somewhere most people would choose to go by themselves for a night out.

They will either travel for longer than that or drive. They all live in various different parts of Paris, including some on the outskirts on the opposite side.
Someone mentioned his grandmother living in the French equivalent of Watford which made me giggle but you could call it that. Only it's more residential and very far from the station. No tube and you need to get the train into Paris.
I would call it the Parisian "greater London". But it's not officially Paris, it's just outside.
Paris is small by comparison to London so you could probably drive into central Paris in 30 mins from where we are, assuming no crazy traffic which is rare.

Put the kids to bed - there will be granny and their father in the house and they're old enough - and take yourself for a night in Paris! Won't you enjoy a bit of alone time? I mean, Paris!

I'd like to see the reaction if a man made such a drama about his wife seeing a few friends.

you wont get to know them if you don't spend time together

And yet it is, completely, different, as we are talking about a man dragging his wife to a foreign country to the home of a woman she barely knows, an hour away from the nearest city, and instructing her that on the Saturday night of their three day holiday she is to sit in a bedroom alone.

So its half an hour's drive from Paris? I assume you will spend the day in Paris, in which case why not just stay later and get a taxi back with the kids. Find something something do.

i think it’s really odd to organise such a non-inclusive event in someone else’s house and to not invite the rest of the family who’s travelled there for the weekend

it would be ok for him to go out with his pals and leave you and the kids with granny, as long as you were alright with that

certainly he should have made this clear before the rest of you booked to go with him

Try reading her posts. "I would need to book a 20 min cab to the nearest train station and get a 40min train into Paris. It's awkward, trains don't always run. And I wouldn't feel safe at night on my own. It's just not feasible."

As you know, she has been instructed to sit alone in a bedroom on the Saturday night of a three day holiday, in a foreign country, an hour away from the nearest city, in the home of a woman she barely knows.

Stop pretending it's got anything to with a man "seeing a few friends".

Don't go. Refuse. He's being really rude!

I'd say the same thing to him as I say to my 16 yo when she wants to have a house party but disinvite her less cool (in her view) younger siblings: you can't disinvite someone from their own home.

This was my first thought too - the DH sounds like a teenager. “It’s all about me…..just me with my cool friends and you can all stay upstairs”. Nobody is stoping this man from meeting up with his friends. He can get a Eurostar ticket or a cheap flight whenever he wants. What the OP is objecting to is being sold a family weekend away and then have it turned into something entirely different. I think he’s being childish and disrespectful and I’m amazed at some of the responses on here.

Yes, he could certainly go out, instead of instructing his wife to sit alone in a bedroom in the home of a woman she barely knows, and assuming the person who owns the home will also be fine with staying out of her own living areas.

That would be better.

But even better, he could simply go alone to Paris since he wants to spend the best night getting drunk with male friends, and write off the Sunday morning too.

And then he can take his wife to Paris on another weekend, when she's not an inconvenience to his actual plans.

It's a small part of the whole weekend, so I don't think him spending an evening with friends would bother me too much. Get something nice booked in for Sunday.

I am not sure why you have to hide upstairs though. What is his grandma's house like? Could they not sit round the table drinking and chatting while you are in the sitting room?

She hasn't been instructed to sit in the bedroom. She has just decided that it is the only thing she could possibly do 30 minutes outside of Paris...

not just sold a family weekend- she’s contributed to paying for it! I’ll stay home for free thanks.

I think it is really odd he wants to hold a night out with his friends in his grannies house, best solution is tell him to go out, bring them to a bar or restaurant you and granny then comfortable at home.
My biggest concern would be the tidy up, that will be at best his morning gone at worst you and granny doing it.

No. She literally has been instructed to sit in the bedroom "I would be expected to stay upstairs in our bedroom"

And it's an hour IF she gets a twenty minute Uber and a 40 minute train.

Why are you just making things up?

Also, the grandmother is 90 years old and can't look after their two young kids, so she can't just bugger off out - not that there is anywhere to actually go, as they're in a village an hour away from Paris.

So yes her husband wants her to sit alone in a bedroom while he gets on the piss with his pals on a 3 day holiday in a foreign country in the house of a woman she barely knows.

Yep. I'd very definitely be staying home. It's the first sentence I'd have spoken after he announced his instruction for me to sit in the bedroom while he gets on the piss with his buddies.

And he'd be paying for the actual family holiday away, which would be coming up at my convenience.

So she hasnt been instructed, she is being dramatic about not being specifically included. And she later said it is half an hour's drive. I can read thanks.

I see someone has arrived who knows the location the op is staying at better than the op, despite not even knowing where it is. Lots of parts of outer Paris don’t feel safe, and certainly not humming places to go out by yourself. Oh wise one, from where do you get your fountain of wisdom?

Can you go out and have an evening in Paris. You might prefer his company but I am sure I could find things to occupy myself in Paris for an evening