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AIBU?

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Original poster

Weekend trip to Paris - no wives allowed

256 replies

Jecar · 08/10/2026 21:46

AIBU?
My french husband has a grandmother that lives on the outskirts of Paris. A residential area but slightly in the "middle of nowhere". No bars, cafes, restaurants that aren't at least a short drive away.

My husband has decided he would like to spend a weekend in Paris for his birthday and has booked for us to go away Friday to Monday. I note this is not "his treat", we have paid over £500 from our joint account for this. We will be staying with his grandma who is absolutely lovely.

He wants to also use this trip to catch up with some old friends that he hasn't seen in 4 years.

Now here comes my AIBU.

He has decided he will invite them all over to his grandmother's house for the Saturday evening and that he wants this to be a "no wives allowed" event. Meaning I would be expected to stay upstairs in our bedroom and all of his friends wives aren't invited either.

I have said that I don't fancy travelling to Paris for a weekend to spend my Saturday evening alone in our bedroom at his grandma's.

I am of course happy for him to see his friends but feel it should be a more inclusive affair where I and the other wives are involved.

I have said that if he wanted to spend time alone with his friends, he should have gone away alone for a weekend and not brought me along.

He believes this is fine because we will be spending the rest of our time there together.

I am really not happy about this.

Who is BU?

OP posts:
SuperSange · 10/10/2026 08:53

I’d be cancelling I’m afraid, he can go on his own. Not a chance I’d be putting up with this.

ginasevern · 10/10/2026 13:23

A lot of posters seem to be overlooking the fact that the other wives and, presumably kids, will be happily in the comfort of their own homes with free rein to do as they please. The OP and her kids will be banished to one room in 90 year old's house whom she barely knows. And as for dragging two young kids to a dark train station and then traipsing around Paris for hours at night, yeah right. Because that sounds like a whole load of fun and really safe too, and she didn't even sign up for it. There must be some serious male apologists on this thread.

99bottlesofkombucha · 10/10/2026 22:33

PollyBell · 10/10/2026 03:26

So local woman only go out if they have a chaperone? So cancelling someone's ticket if a man did it the woman would be told it is abuse and report it

Show quote history

He can buy himself one. He’s been very welcome to buy himself one for years, and hasn’t bothered. He doesn’t get to ask his family to come and then do this. I think the tickets aren’t cancellable, if they were then cancelling would be the best choice by far. He can book himself one and have his lads night, and next time he wants to go with his family he will know not to be an arse.

Sleepyjeancheeredup · Yesterday 23:51

gannett · 09/10/2026 08:30

"No wives allowed" is such an odd concept to me. It's not that DH or I are unable to socialise without each other - we both do, often - but in practice since we met, almost all of his friends have become my friends and my friends have become his friends. It's just happened naturally because all our friends are good, interesting people so why would we not want to hang out with them? Also we don't have hang-ups about only being able to socialise with our own sex.

That aside, I'd obviously have no problem with DH having a day/night out without me. Highly unlikely he'd formally ban me, it's more likely to be because it's an activity I have no interest in, like cricket. So that part of it isn't an issue.

But I wouldn't be up for the OP's situation at all. Firstly schlepping to Paris to be banned from the main weekend evening - no thanks. Secondly not having any options myself on that evening except shutting myself away in a bedroom - I like a night in with a good book as much as anyone but if that's what my Saturday night is going to be, I'll do it in my own house thanks.

If I had a friend in Paris I'd be happy to go out and do something with them, or even just take myself to a good restaurant, but this doesn't seem to be an option for OP. So in her shoes I would absolutely be staying home.

(Frankly if I was the OP's husband I'd just be including her with my friends. Given the circumstances it's just batshit to exclude your spouse as if you can never let her meet your friends.)

Right? What a weirdo her husband is going across to another person's house for a family holiday then ordering his actual family to stay out of the way while he gets on the piss in someone else's house 😅

He's an absolute melt.

Hope she did the right thing and cancelled.

Sleepyjeancheeredup · Yesterday 23:53

ginasevern · 10/10/2026 13:23

A lot of posters seem to be overlooking the fact that the other wives and, presumably kids, will be happily in the comfort of their own homes with free rein to do as they please. The OP and her kids will be banished to one room in 90 year old's house whom she barely knows. And as for dragging two young kids to a dark train station and then traipsing around Paris for hours at night, yeah right. Because that sounds like a whole load of fun and really safe too, and she didn't even sign up for it. There must be some serious male apologists on this thread.

Edited

Right? Instead of a lovely day out in Paris with their mum and dad, heading home in the evening at a time that suits the kids, mum and putting the kids to bed, a nice chat with the 90 year old, maybe some late supper and a couple of drinks, lovely family day and night - it's to be march home at a time of father's choosing to sit in your rooms for the evening while he gets hammered downstairs with a bunch of men.

What the actual?! 😅

Sleepyjeancheeredup · Yesterday 23:55

Jecar · 09/10/2026 13:01

Yes quite. Entertaining the kids AND his grandma was also not something I had planned. As lovely as she is, she's a woman of few words who I see at best one day a year at Xmas (most xmases, not all). I don't think I've had much more than a superficial conversation with her. Hello, how are you, how nice to see you...

If we were at his parents it would be a completely different story. I still don't think I'd be happy to be excluded for a night, but there's no way they would allow this in their house anyway. And I could spend a full day chatting away with his mum.

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Please tell us you told him to stick his horrible plan where the sun doesn't shine, and you and the kids won't be going.

Much easier to spend a Saturday night at home in your own home, and he can get on the piss with his pals, since that's the main event for him anyway.

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