Weekend trip to Paris - no wives allowed

[Jecar]

AIBU?
My french husband has a grandmother that lives on the outskirts of Paris. A residential area but slightly in the "middle of nowhere". No bars, cafes, restaurants that aren't at least a short drive away.

My husband has decided he would like to spend a weekend in Paris for his birthday and has booked for us to go away Friday to Monday. I note this is not "his treat", we have paid over £500 from our joint account for this. We will be staying with his grandma who is absolutely lovely.

He wants to also use this trip to catch up with some old friends that he hasn't seen in 4 years.

Now here comes my AIBU.

He has decided he will invite them all over to his grandmother's house for the Saturday evening and that he wants this to be a "no wives allowed" event. Meaning I would be expected to stay upstairs in our bedroom and all of his friends wives aren't invited either.

I have said that I don't fancy travelling to Paris for a weekend to spend my Saturday evening alone in our bedroom at his grandma's.

I am of course happy for him to see his friends but feel it should be a more inclusive affair where I and the other wives are involved.

I have said that if he wanted to spend time alone with his friends, he should have gone away alone for a weekend and not brought me along.

He believes this is fine because we will be spending the rest of our time there together.

I am really not happy about this.

Who is BU?

You are taking the children to visit family. I just can’t get worked up about having an evening in on a trip like that.

I think you are being really unreasonable. You have the kids anyway who would be in bed so your sat night was never going to be you going out and tripping the light fantastic.

have a cosy night in, take some facemasks, pamper stuff and watch some tv when the kids are asleep. Leave hubby to have a night with his friends. You have the rest of the weekend.

But these friends live in France, or have I misunderstood? How often does he get to see them?

It would be better if he & his friends could meet up outside the house, but I wouldn't begrudge him having time to catch up alone with friends he presumably doesn't see often.

Just stay in the UK? You don't have to go. He's being rude banishing you upstairs in a house that isn't yours, in another country. It doesn't matter that the tickets are booked.

It's not really a big deal for you to spend one evening alone out of a whole long weekend, surely? I mean, I think they should go out really, rather than blocking the living space, but you'd be at home with the kids anyway, so the only difference really is being in your bedroom rather than in the sitting room. You've still got loads of time in Paris to spend together.

I was going to say go into Paris and book yourself a hotel for the night until I saw you have the kids with you. That is truly shit of him, I would be rethinking the trip.

He can still be a parent while seeing his mates. People do it all the time. His gran will be there as well.

OP can have a long weekend at home, go to Paris and spend Saturday night having a nice dinner and a hotel room to herself in the city, or plan something in the UK with her own friends.

Agreed! Once the kids are in bed, I would be having a lovely glass of wine, maybe a bath/face mask, and enjoying the peace. Its a couple of hours out if a whole weekend.

Would grandma have the kids under her watch for the night in question, and you book yourself into some luxe city hotel for dinner and a fabulous bedroom?

In fact, DH and les gosses could then meet you in the city on the Sunday morning/ lunchtime, go to a French McDonald’s, then you all do something thrilling in the afternoon, and all return to supper with grandma.

This isnt a tit for tat thing, but it IS a great opportunity for you to have a really special solo treat in that beautiful city.

I don't think he was planning on actually locking her in her bedroom or in the attic was he?

I don’t understand why he hasn’t seen them in 4 years. Paris isn’t exactly hard to get to. Do they not all live there?
YANBU. They should include wives (or at least you!) this time, and he should organize a lads weekend separately later in the year.

Can he afford to go back another time and meet up with his mates? My dh goes back once a year, books an hotel and meets his friends in Paris. What my dh doesn’t do is mix meeting up with them on a boys night out with us going as a family. I’d be fine to see the guys btw. But they dont live in Paris. It’s just a central place to meet.

If you’re only going for the weekend and he’s seeing the boys one night and will be hung over the next day my guess would be that there was a boys night arranged, he wanted to go, and by you coming along he can use money from the joint account.

I wouldn't go. Or I'd book a more central hotel for me and the kids and do my own trip. No way would I be banished like this, especially when it eats into such a significant portion of the time you have.
Lose the money or make your own plans, and tell him to go and have a fun weekend with the boys.

I can't agree with all this 'Oh it'll be a few hours of a whole weekend, just treat yourself to some pampering and have a lovely time'. It's pretty obvious that this gentleman's gathering is literally the centrepiece of the whole weekend for him, on the middle night of three when you would have been most likely to do something 'big' as a family, there's the possibility that he might be worse for wear the next day, and it's not always straightforward to deeply relax in somebody else's house. If you were in the centre of Paris with easy access to all sorts to do I might think differently, but even then with two kids it's not ideal. And by the sounds of things you're in the French equivalent of Watford. So I do agree that it would be better for him to do this one alone and then go on a proper trip to a proper destination as a family some other time.

Might as well since that's where she has been instructed to stay.

"would be expected to stay upstairs in our bedroom".

In my not so humble opinion he can fuck off, then fuck off a bit further, then keep fucking off until he reaches the moon.

It does sound weird. You would think they would go out or meet at one of the friends.
Wouldn't bother me though as I would probably drift of to my room eventually anyway.
On the bright side, at least you don't have to worry about him being out and about.
Maybe he is trying to not spend any more money as you have both paid for the trip.

Indeed. And if they were in the centre of Paris the instruction from her selfish husband would surely be "Go out and have fun without me" not "sit in the bedroom while I have fun".

I cannot imagine being such a selfish, awful arsehole to someone I was supposed to love.

So, on a three day trip to a foreign country, on the best night you will have in that short stay to go out somewhere, you would not be bothered by being instructed to sit in a bedroom alone while your husband stays downstairs and has a nice drunken fun time with his friends?

What a very odd response.

I missed the part where you had 2 children with you. I'd probably not go. I would be ok helping to pay his way so long as I had a decent treat for my birthday.

No. It's his birthday and male talk gets boring after a while. I would probably excuse myself after awhile anyway.
That's if it was just us though. I missed the part where they are taking 2 children. So I would send him by himself on the condition I do something special for my birthday or something.

If he wants a male night out then he does not drag his wife with him to the outskirts of somewhere an hour from a city in a foreign country, in a woman's house she barely knows and then instruct her on the best night of the weekend, to sit in a bedroom.

He can just go on his own, if hanging out with his friends minus women is deeply important to him on his birthday.

And that's precisely what needs to happen. He can go alone. They can have a weekend in Paris another time, when she's not an inconvenience to his real plans.

If you really have to go and put up with this nonsense, id be schlepping downstairs on a regular basis for wine, then snacks, then cheese. Oh bonjour m'sieurs! Oh dont mind me, I'll just get this then go back to my room.
Hopefully his mates would take a justifiably dim view.
Do you know the wives at all? Are they close enough to visit if you do?

I'd say the same thing to him as I say to my 16 yo when she wants to have a house party but disinvite her less cool (in her view) younger siblings: you can't disinvite someone from their own home. And for the time you're there, his grandmothers house is your home away from home. So he goes out, or it's a free for all - unless you'd be willing to go out for the evening voluntarily and he'd be willing to stay sober and alert enough to be in charge of the children.

Contact all friend's wives and arrange a great evening elsewhere together. Hire a minibus. Go bowling, a restaurant, a film, a bounce park, a gardens and bbq food . Ask the other women for suggestions. Can you swim nearby?
Leave the blokes to their catching up at Grandma's.