Weekend trip to Paris - no wives allowed

[Jecar]

AIBU?
My french husband has a grandmother that lives on the outskirts of Paris. A residential area but slightly in the "middle of nowhere". No bars, cafes, restaurants that aren't at least a short drive away.

My husband has decided he would like to spend a weekend in Paris for his birthday and has booked for us to go away Friday to Monday. I note this is not "his treat", we have paid over £500 from our joint account for this. We will be staying with his grandma who is absolutely lovely.

He wants to also use this trip to catch up with some old friends that he hasn't seen in 4 years.

Now here comes my AIBU.

He has decided he will invite them all over to his grandmother's house for the Saturday evening and that he wants this to be a "no wives allowed" event. Meaning I would be expected to stay upstairs in our bedroom and all of his friends wives aren't invited either.

I have said that I don't fancy travelling to Paris for a weekend to spend my Saturday evening alone in our bedroom at his grandma's.

I am of course happy for him to see his friends but feel it should be a more inclusive affair where I and the other wives are involved.

I have said that if he wanted to spend time alone with his friends, he should have gone away alone for a weekend and not brought me along.

He believes this is fine because we will be spending the rest of our time there together.

I am really not happy about this.

Who is BU?

Do you speak French?

It’s not a very French thing to do. Couples (and even friends) tend to socialise in mixed groups. I’m wondering if he has to keep translating or you get bored/frustrated in situations with his friends? No judgment if so (been there many times), but I wonder if that’s part of it?

Book yourself a night in a fabulous centrally located hotel and enjoy do something lovely. Don’t let him be in charge of how you spend your Saturday night.

I think I’d be ok with this. I’ve just had a group of female friends around. DH isn’t “banished” but just hangs out upstairs because it changes the dynamic if he’s here. If it’s just one night and these are old friends who live nearby I think it’s ok.

He would not have to worry about me or the children hiding away, the children and I would definitely not be going.

I'd love to, but tickets are already booked!

I have already told him that had I have known I would have just not come and let him go on his own.

He says that he wants us to come because we're going to spend the rest of the trip together.

Friday is pretty much a write off, because we'll arrive for supper or just after. But we do have Saturday day time, Sunday, and Monday till about 4ish.

He will likely be very hung over on Sunday but he's actually impressively good when hungover and will be able to soldier through. He will need a bit of a lie in.

No. I understand fully and can mostly speak. I'm not fluent but I hold conversations pretty ok. It's not me specifically he's trying to exclude. All the husbands want time together sans wives.

I would not be going. He's not unreasonable to want to spend time with his friends alone but then he should just go on his own. As PP said you'll be shut in a bedroom on the best night to do something and he will absolutely be useless the next morning probably.

I think we need to hear more about Granny. He can't seriously be expecting to banish her to her room in her own house

I'd be ok with this in the UK. He's had "boys nights" before and I don't have an issue with this in the slightest.
What I don't want is to travel to another country and not make the most of the mini-break and spend an evening in my (not my!) bedroom.

I wouldn’t bother going. He can go on his own and pay for the trip out of his own money. Why is wanting to waste your time? He sounds thoughtless, rude and immature

Don’t go then, so what if the tickets are already bought.
Or take control and book a Disneyland hotel or something like that for the night.

I'm sure she'll be absolutely fine with it.
She'll give him his space and go to bed and probably be happy for him that he's catching up with old friends.
His family are very nonchalant with everything, especially his grandma.

He can’t have nice coupley weekend away and lads night- they literally don’t go together!!!

I can’t imagine staying at someone’s house and expecting them to hideaway when you invite friends over

Especially as the DC are also going.

Go find an attractive French man to have a drink with on that night, ooh la la ! And this is coming from someone who has a French partner!

I think it's really offensive to ask you to hide upstairs, and I wouldn't be happy either.

Why is your presence going to ruin the catch up anyway?

I just don't think it's a particularly nice way to treat your partner.

Why don't DH and his mates go out to a bar for for lads night out rather than expecting you, grandma and the kids to all hide in bedrooms?

Talk about being selfish.

I couldn’t get worked up about this. You’ll have the rest of the weekend together in lovely Paris and on the night in question you can have a lovely early to bed with a book or a tablet with a movie or tv show downloaded. Bliss.

I agree.

I think it is nice to be able to take the dc to visit a Great Grandparent and spend 2 - 3 days there.

I also think it is nice that, whilst there, he is able to meet up with his University friends. If the tables were reversed, I don't think I'd want my dh stuck in the middle of a catch up of me and my girlfriends - it would completely change the dynamic and not be particularly enjoyable for anyone.

You say his Grandmother is lovely. Enjoy what is quite a rare things, for your dc to build that relationship with a Great Grandparents I bet they don't get to see that often. Sit round the kitchen table and play cards or whatever. Or, if you want to make some sort of a point, banish him and his friends to the kitchen and you, the dc, and Granny can sit in the living room (or, who knows? there might be 2 living rooms?)

I think he should have discussed the plans before booking anything BUT I think your reaction is completely over the top. I'd have no issue with this.

He should go out and catch up with his mates. It's odd to take over someone else's house. That's what I would do catching up with friends.

Don't go

Let him take the kids on his own

at least ypu’ll have a peaceful weekend at home

I couldn't get too worked up about this. I'd go to bed with a book and a nice drink after saying hello to everyone. Things aren't the same if spouses are there with friends. It's his birthday - just let him have the evening. If he were expecting it every weekend it would be different.

Do not go. It's just that simple. It's a horrible demand, genuinely deeply unpleasant to make this demand of you and genuinely bizarre. Truly, truly weird to think he can shut you up in a room in a house in a foreign country for a Saturday night.

He can go and have his lads weekend, and you can have a lovely time without being shut up upstairs, listening to him having fun, knowing that he knows you are confined to a room and happy to leave you there.