Weekend trip to Paris - no wives allowed

[Jecar]

AIBU?
My french husband has a grandmother that lives on the outskirts of Paris. A residential area but slightly in the "middle of nowhere". No bars, cafes, restaurants that aren't at least a short drive away.

My husband has decided he would like to spend a weekend in Paris for his birthday and has booked for us to go away Friday to Monday. I note this is not "his treat", we have paid over £500 from our joint account for this. We will be staying with his grandma who is absolutely lovely.

He wants to also use this trip to catch up with some old friends that he hasn't seen in 4 years.

Now here comes my AIBU.

He has decided he will invite them all over to his grandmother's house for the Saturday evening and that he wants this to be a "no wives allowed" event. Meaning I would be expected to stay upstairs in our bedroom and all of his friends wives aren't invited either.

I have said that I don't fancy travelling to Paris for a weekend to spend my Saturday evening alone in our bedroom at his grandma's.

I am of course happy for him to see his friends but feel it should be a more inclusive affair where I and the other wives are involved.

I have said that if he wanted to spend time alone with his friends, he should have gone away alone for a weekend and not brought me along.

He believes this is fine because we will be spending the rest of our time there together.

I am really not happy about this.

Who is BU?

If I wanted an evening with my friends I wouldn't want their partners nor mine hanging around, I see this no different

It’s for a few hours, it’s for his bday and he hasn’t seen them in 4 years! Why don’t you treat it like a self-care evening - I’d love that! Watch tv shows you don’t get to see, listen to podcasts, do some internet window shopping. It’s not going to last more than 3-5hrs, and presumably you’ll be wanting to go bed sooner than that anyway. It’s just one night and presumably he won’t be seeing them for another few years so why not put a positive spin on it and let him celebrate his birthday how he wants?

All this talk about a ‘foreign country’ , and a ‘woman she barely knows’. It’s France (not Paris; a 20 min drive to the station plus a 40 min train means you are nowhere near); she’s married to a Frenchman and her kids are half French! It should not feel remotely foreign. As for the woman, it’s her DH grandmother, and one would hope that OP knows her well enough by now.

Tbh, it’s a pretty sad state of affairs if the DH hasn’t seen his potes for 4 years. It’s a long weekend away seeing his friends and family.

I’d be going to a Paris spa for the night!

Like fuck am I paying to go to Paris for the weekend to be banished to the bedroom for Saturday night and then he’s hung over. I’d say the only way I don’t cancel altogether is if you cancel this stupid plan, or I book a night in Paris somewhere central and enjoy myself.

If the tickets are hard to cancel start looking at a room centrally, where you can sit in a cafe and eat and people watch. Make sure he knows once you’ve booked it you’re going whether or not he rethinks his teenaged plan where the rest of the family have to disappear on him. He can wake up hungover, look after his kids and you’ll get breakfast and come back to do something together.

I'm not a man but I would feel really awkward coming to somebody's house and realising my mate's wife was in the same house we were hanging out in but was banished upstairs!

The other wives I understand them not being invited as they would have to travel there, but you? It doesnt make sense.

It's not even like you are close with the other wives and would be discussing what was said of them.

Your DH has really not thought this through realistically and is being a bit selfish and ungracious. They should make a trip out if they are so desperate to speak without women present.

The circumstances are odd. Might be an idea to see if you can obtain a refund for your part and the children and let him go on your own.

There are so many red flags here. How are your children going to react in the odd set up?

Let him go on his own.

Good luck OP

It wouldn't bother me at all, it's only one night you have the whole rest of the weekend to do things together. I would be more than happy with a book and a box of chocolates - in fact I would prefer that to socializing tbh.

Honestly it wouldn't bother me you can go out by yourself for one night 😊

Wouldn’t Bother me tbh I’d be pleased
if be awkward if I joined them

if you had your friends round for a catchup would you want DH sat with you

I’d say hello perhaps brief chat and leave them to it
bottle of wine and watch a film or read a book

So all of your husband's friends are going to take a 40min train from Paris, then a 20 min taxi to his grandmother's house? Why doesn't he just travel to Paris to see them?

Something is not adding up here.

Can't imagine keeping kids that age away. If you tell them they can't go down it will make them even more determined to.

Exactly why I said I would tell him to go alone and I would expect to do something special for my birthday. It's actually the looking after the kids that would be the deal breaker for me. I would be imagining trying to keep them away all night.

Not as sad as you not being able to read the post and understand what it said.

Honestly, I probably wouldn't be going (regardless of money spent on tickets!) I would have absolutely no issue with my husband going out with his friends.

However, I would have a serious issue spending money, dragging our arses and the kids to the outskirts of Paris (where it's not easy to commute to Paris) for three nights only to be banished upstairs to a room that isn't mine for the 'main' night of the stay.

If he wanted a lads weekend then he should have booked that. I wouldn't travel all that way to sit in a bedroom alone.

He needs to decide whether he wants a lads weekend or a family weekend...he can't fairly have both on a three night trip unless he let's you mix with his friends. It would be very different if you were there for a week but it's a massive effort to make to end up holed up in a room.

He either includes you with his friends (and perhaps arranges a 'lads' weekend another time) or I wouldn't be going.

He can't exclude people from things in such short a time and space.

He can go out to meet them then? Somewhere else.
no problem.

Or go to one of his friends houses where his friends wife, granny and two children can put in invisibly cloaks for the evening.

Can you find a show to go to? And book it on the joint account?

I would imagine that the grandmother’s house is a larger, family sized home in the countryside, if it’s in the middle of nowhere as OP said. It’s likely to have a huge cave or sous-sol, and thus be good for entertaining. Maybe it’s somewhere the DH and his mates spent time as ados, hanging out.

Or maybe that’s where the DH and his friends are all from, and Paris is just referenced as the nearest city.

Honestly I’d be fine with this. Probably have a bath and an early night. Sounds pretty good to me.

Don't go. He was quick to make sure the trip wasn't paid from his personal account wasn't he? Leave this lovely kind generous man to it and stay home where nobody banishes you.

So let me get this straight… he’s having boy’s night… at granny’s house?

I think he should book a taxi and a restaurant for his lads’ night out.

I'd stay at home

Dont go. He pays the money back.