To think she should’ve offered to help?

[ForFairLilacHare]

I have two children, one in primary school and an 8 month old baby. DS had parents evening this evening so I had asked my mum to if she could look after baby so me and DH could both attend. We were only gone for around 15 minutes as the school is only across the road.

When we returned, we asked my mum is she wanted to staying for dinner. Once we had finished around, she just got up from the table and said she had best get home. She said bye to the children and then just left leaving everything still on the table. As you can imagine, there was quite a bit of mess as DS2 is weaning and had dropped most of his dinner on the floor.

AIBU that she should have offered to help me to clean up or at the very least brought her plate and glass to the sink?

If you were my DD I would have helped but you will get posters telling you you should be grateful she looked after the DC. Personally I could not imagine going to anyones house and having food only to leave my plate on the table.

How does it take 3 adults to clean up after your kids?

Bit strange not to put her plate in the sink but other than that, she's travelled to and from your house to look after your baby, so I wouldn't give it much thought.

It's not something I would do but on the other hand she did look after your youngest.

Is it a one off? What does she usually do when you cook dinner?

Get a grip

It doesn’t necessarily take 3 adults. It’s just that she could see DS2 was getting fussy and that DH was talking him up to do bath and bed.
I just thought she would’ve wanted to help me out a bit before going home.

I wouldn't just leave my plate on the table and walk out, but equally I don't see why you and your husband can't tidy your own house between you.

I think you're looking for something to get cross about. You'll invariably find something somewhere, but is that really how you want to live?

It’s not that we can’t tidy the house between us. We do it every night anyway.
I Just think if someone has cooked dinner for you, you at least make the offer to help afterwards.
Anytime I have been a guest a someone else’s house, including my mums, I have always helped out.

She already helped by coming over. Of course she doesnt clean up when you and dh are there.

She saw ds was getting fussy so she made herself scarce so not to intrude or upset routine.

Well she babysat, one extra plate wouldnt be that much would it?, if she wasn't there you would be cleaning anyway

She should've taken her plates to the sink.
Helping you would've been a lovely gesture, but not a necessity.

So, your Mum helped you out - but not to your standards? Maybe find some paid help next time.

I’m simply stunned that she didn’t scrub your house on her hands and knees whilst doing you a favour by babysitting.

You shouldn’t have offered her dinner. You’re spoiling her. She’ll never learn her place…

Your child, your mess to clean up really. Would of been nice to help you but certainly shouldn't be expected!

Maybe she didn’t want to delay you getting the dc to bed or outstay her welcome

Maybe she just wanted to go home. It really doesn't take 3 of you 🤷‍♂️

In the middle really. She was a bit unreasonable to leave a mess, but you should also be grateful to have her help - plenty don't.

It is rude to get up from a table and not clear your plate setting. Especially if you are leaving the mum of two small children to do it for you.

I'd have helped you clear up if I were your mum. You'll have loads of people posting that you are a horrible freeloader for asking your mum to mind the baby and as a result deserve anything she chose to do. Lots of strange people on MN.

So, you had the normal amount to clear up plus the one plate and cutlery your mum used?
Can't be sure but I might not have hung around either.

I wouldn't expect someone I had invited for dinner after they did me a favour to help clean up after my children! It's polite to put your plate and glass in the sink but I don't think I could get worked up about it enough to post on mumsnet!

That’s the thing. I am very grateful that she babysat for us and I didn’t necessarily need her help. I’m used to cleaning up every evening.

I just feel like it would’ve been nice if she had offered. I just can’t imagine eating at someone’s house and then just getting up to leave straight away without at least offering.

Do you wash up after meals you eat in her home?

I agree. Mollycoddling the older generation like this does them no good. At this rate they’ll be expecting gratitude, even consideration!

Seriously OP I think you a ‘D’you want jam on it too?’ award for your complaint 😅.

Maybe she was tired, didn’t feel well, took the hint that bath and bed routines were starting and she should get out the way, slightly misjudged whether she was “guest” or “family” in that moment… It’s hardly a big deal from someone who’s already done you a favour in babysitting.

I think you’re making a big fuss about nothing.

The reason she was eating at your house is because she was babysitting.

Otherwise she'd be home cooking her own dinner!

You make it sound like an altruistic dinner invitation.