To think she should’ve offered to help?

[ForFairLilacHare]

I have two children, one in primary school and an 8 month old baby. DS had parents evening this evening so I had asked my mum to if she could look after baby so me and DH could both attend. We were only gone for around 15 minutes as the school is only across the road.

When we returned, we asked my mum is she wanted to staying for dinner. Once we had finished around, she just got up from the table and said she had best get home. She said bye to the children and then just left leaving everything still on the table. As you can imagine, there was quite a bit of mess as DS2 is weaning and had dropped most of his dinner on the floor.

AIBU that she should have offered to help me to clean up or at the very least brought her plate and glass to the sink?

I thought he was getting ready to bathe your child. You said you had finished in your first post and that your husband was taking your child up to bathe in your second post. Now you say he hadn't finished eating. Which is it?

She did you a favour. She probably thought she was doing you a favour getting out of your way. Maybe she was tired/headachy and would rather have had an early night or rested, but decided to keep her promise to you and cover the babysitting? Next time get a paid babysitter and you won't have this "problem" and she won't have to deal with a nit-picky grown child.

I really wasn’t expecting such a reaction to this thread.

Ah well, that's always the risk with AIBU isn't.

"AIBU? YES! What?? No I'm not!! " 😂

But she wasn't exactly a guest, was she? She was your unpaid babysitter. She may have thought she'd done enough to pay for her dinner by flogging over to your house and looking after your child.

What parents'evening only lasts a few minutes? Even if you don't have to wait to see the teacher, you usually need time to look at your child's books and other work.

I do love posters who admit that they were just here for pure validation....

I thinking getting up
to start clearing up when someone is still eating is rude.

So many people are telling you you’re out of order but you’re only interested in the ones that agree with you. You said ‘at the very least brought her plate to the sink’ so it’s very obvious you expected her to help you clean up beyond that even if you’re now pretending you didn’t. It’s entitled behaviour, she did you a favour, she didn’t have to and she probably didn’t want to. Also, she didn’t look after your child for 15 minutes at all. Anyone who had ever been to a parents evening knows this to be untrue. They always run behind, you always have to sign in, you always have to walk to the classroom, the appt itself is never less than 10 minutes, plus the walk there and back. She also didn’t arrive as you were leaving did she? Goodness me I wish I didn’t see posts like this, the entitlement is astounding. There are 2 of you ffs. You don’t have to do bath every night if you have other things on, like tidying up after dinner which in your case appears to need 2 people.

But you would have said no to her offer! So what does it matter if she did or didn't offer?
We don't know what happened and the circumstances which led to her leaving immediately upon finishing dinner so we can't say whether it was or wasn't rude. All we say is that your rection is completely disproportionate given that she did you a favour of babysitting your child and, had she asked if you needed any help, you'd have said no anyway.
Say, we told you she was rude, what would you do with this information? Call her up and pull her up on it? I think it's unlikely. So, again, why does it matter enough to seek public opinion on your mother's manners?

I think with two kids you haven’t got time to think too much about it tbh.

Just move on! Nice that she could step in to help. Don’t underestimate how useful that support is even if it doesn’t feel like much to you… many have no support and some is better than none! If you have a very close family I can see why you’d be upset.
I think just move past it, it’s not important Xo

@ForFairLilacHarebut she didn’t eat at someone’s house, she ate at her daughters house. You must be a hard person to be around, do u hate your mum? You’re acting like u invited a complete stranger in to share food with

According to her first and second post they were finished and DH was taking the child up to get bathed. It's only now when people aren't agreeing with her that her DH wasn't finished yet.

I agree with this, sorry Op.

I don’t think your Mum did anything wrong. The meal was surely the “thank you” for babysitting. She didn’t then need to do a separate “thank you” for the meal by washing/ clearing up.

She probably wanted to get home by that time having been at yours for a while.

The teacher saw us early as it was quiet. We were in and out within 10 minutes. It’s a small primary school, so not parents evening is particularly busy.
I’m not entirely sure what your point is tbh.

Exactly. Some might think the husband was rude to go upstairs whilst the free babysitter Mum was still at the table. I certainly would have asked my OH to
maybe wait until my Mum had left next time. Perhaps the Mum felt unwelcome at this point and decided she had overstayed her welcome 🤷🏻‍♀️

And when did I say we need to do bath together every night?
DH usually baths DS2 when I tidy up downstairs while watching DS2.
what exactly have I done wrong?
you must be a terrible guest

Perhaps she was tired? Perhaps she thought it would be better if she got out of the way and left you both to carry on with your evening, sorting out the kids etc. Maybe she didn't want to stay but felt railroaded into it?

She helped you out so I'd let it go. I do think you should be grateful and are actually making a fuss about nothing. My mum would have cleaned the kitchen, my mil wouldn't have but I wouldn't see it as a big deal either way.

Regardless of whether she was rude or not, it seems the majority of MN consider it rude to bitch about your mum after she’s just done you a favour.

You’re not coming across as someone who has good manners OP.

“You did a nice thing babysitting for us mum, but bloody well do it better” 🙄

10 minutes 😂 is it Hogwarts?

Next* to the sink. Will never understand why some people fill up the sink with washing up so it first has to be emptied before you can begin washing up! Extra job and blocks the use of the sink. So odd!

😂

I’m sorry, what?
As stated from previous posts, we live directly opposite the school. We went straight to the hall, the teacher saw us straight away. We are only a few weeks into term so the teacher did really have much to say yet.
My son is in yr2 so it’s not like we were seeing multiple teachers. It was a case of ‘he’s doing well. Keeping reading at home and here are some resources that could help’

She did help you. She watched your kids. You want her to clean up after everybody too? 🤡

I see why she left abruptly.

Oh really?

when did I say I expected her to clean up after everyone. I have explicitly said that I believe it is good manners to offer to help at the very least. Funnily enough it was my mum who taught me that growing up

I don't understand why you are so worked up over one tiny infraction, after she'd done you a favour too. There are plenty of reasonable explanations for why she left and didn't offer. I think you can't have a lot going on in your life if this is a big deal to you.

Parent night for me would have involved taking the baby with me and not having a babysitter.

I don't particularly like it when people put the plate in the sink as I then have to get it back out of the sink and put it in the dishwasher. But even if I loved people putting plates in the sink, But like you, I don't think I could get excited about someone leaving a single plate behind