To think she should’ve offered to help?

[ForFairLilacHare]

I have two children, one in primary school and an 8 month old baby. DS had parents evening this evening so I had asked my mum to if she could look after baby so me and DH could both attend. We were only gone for around 15 minutes as the school is only across the road.

When we returned, we asked my mum is she wanted to staying for dinner. Once we had finished around, she just got up from the table and said she had best get home. She said bye to the children and then just left leaving everything still on the table. As you can imagine, there was quite a bit of mess as DS2 is weaning and had dropped most of his dinner on the floor.

AIBU that she should have offered to help me to clean up or at the very least brought her plate and glass to the sink?

I wouldn't have cared about tidying up but its a bit weird of her to eat then walk out without saying bye to you (you said she said bye to the kids so i assumed she made a point of saying bye to them specifically, apols if that is not the case).
Was she pissed off for some reason?

This. Sounds to me like you're looking for something to be upset about. YABU for that.

She should have brought out her plate and cup to the sink for sure. Other than that, I’m assuming she was probably thinking ‘I’m glad I don’t have to tidy this type of mess anymore!’ and got out of there incase you wanted her to help.

No… it’s your house and she was your guest who had just done you a favour. You can clean up after your own family.

It's just basic manners to take your plate out IMO. That being said I don't know why you'd expect her to stay and help you clean up the mess after offering her dinner - especially not the mess that your baby made either!

Instead, she wanted to get back to her own house asap. Is that so strange?
Unless the trek from your table to the sink is along echoing marble halls and down a winding stair, I reckon you could carry three plates as easily as two yourself.

I wasnt actually aware that it was expected of guests that they clear their own setting; but even if your mother offended this etiquette, can you find it in your heart to forgive her?
Come on, forget it, whatever ‘it’ is.

Yeah, I get that you’d help if you were a guest, but would this be after you’d babysat for them for a couple of hours? Or would you just have been a dinner guest?

She was doing you a favour at your house so missed dinner time at her own house. Now you’re pissed at her for not carrying her plate all of ten steps to the sink, and cleaning up after you all. Wow.

Is there a massive backstory to this? It just sounds like something that isn’t worth getting worked up about. Your mum helped you out. Maybe she did something a bit thoughtless by not taking her plate out (I don’t think she should be responsible for cleaning everything else up as it’s your house) but perhaps she had something else on her mind and wanted to get home quickly. She did you a favour and I think I’d try to focus on being grateful for that rather than the one thing she ‘did wrong’.

I do my fair share of childcare for grandchildren.
I do it with love.
But I do not want to do housework, mopping up or dishes for my adult children.
If I'm staying over and politeness dictates no choice, I will help with washing up. I hope I do it cheerfully.
But truth is I'd prefer not to.
I'm not even on sure why feel like that. I do loads for my children. I just don't want to skivvy for them.

She helped you out by babysitting.
I absolutely cannot stand anyone putting their dirty plates in my nice clean sink!!
I have a perfectly good dishwasher for my dishes which I don’t want anyone apart from my husband and me loading.

If you'd strapped a mop round her waist she could have washed the floor on her way out...

I don’t expect people to take their plate to the sink. I usually take them all and wash up. If people offer to help I usually say no. I don’t see the big deal with taking an extra plate to the sink when you would be cleaning up alone usually anyway. And she had just helped you out and probably had chores that needed doing at her own house that she had put on hold to help you.

Beggars can't be choosers. If you want a perfect childcare service you need to pay for it. It's not her fault your child threw their food all over the place.

Maybe nobody helped her when you or your siblings chucked food around as children? Or maybe she'd just had enough and was exhausted. She did you a favour.

She looked after your eight month old so you could both go to parents evening which doesn’t even need two of you to go. Then you let her stay for dinner which you were already cooking for the family and now you’re complaining that she didn’t help clear up afterwards? You sound massively entitled.

When you offer though I would expect the host to say no they will do it 😄
Thanks how it works
Didnt quote
It was to the poster who said guests should offer

Some mums just like to do the bare minimum for their daughters. Some also expect to be looked after too. You probably have one of those. I know I do!

Pay a babysitter next time.

Bloody hell, you didn’t even need her help in the first place. Surely one of you could go to parents e evening and report back to the other one?

She’s already done you a favour- it honestly does not take 3 adults to tidy up and sort 2 kids.

She’d already babysat. More than the bare minimum.

This is mind-boggling. Maybe she’d had enough, after caring for your small child for you, and wanted to get home for a bit of peace and quiet? Maybe it never occurred to her that you couldn’t do it yourself, as presumably you do every day?

Your mother cleaned up after you when you were weaning. It’s not her responsibility to do it now.

Well yes exactly!
I think posters think I expected her to actually clean up. If she had offered I would have said it was okay.
i just can’t imagine seeing mess around and not thinking to even offer to help my daughter

It’s your Mum, I imagine at some point in your life she’s had to clear your plate once or twice. She brought you up, let it go. I can’t see the fuss. How long would it take to clear an extra plate? A few seconds?

Sorry OP but you are being unreasonable she stayed to look after your children. We don’t have anyone and have to take it in turns to go to parents evening. You are extremely lucky and it really doesn’t sound like much of a big deal.

I don't really expect guests in my house to clear their own plates? I mean, I myself would always try to help clean up but I really wouldn't expect it of others.

to be honest she looked after the baby and so I’d just be grateful she helped but I’ve never taken my partner to a parents evening either / it’s not necessary to make it a family outing surely one parent can relay what was said! It’s like hospital appointments and people attending on mass, it’s just bizarre.